Thursday, Sept. 9, 2010

Currently: I just want to lay down and die.

Wednesday, Sept. 8, 2010

Currently: So I have failed my first Fieldwork 2 placement...according to my supervisor, it is because I wasn't "open" enough. I personally think that his reasoning for failing me was pure bullshit, and here's why: 1) When I had initially asked him and my douchebag, dickheaded other supervisor how they determined whether or not a student passed or failed, they both answered that as long as a student came to the facility, did their work, and didn't hurt or injure any patient, they passed them...I did EXACTLY that, and YET they found petty, bullshit reasons to fail me, which proves that they were lying to me from day one, 2) My first supervisor, the dickhead LIMITEDLY supervised me, yet EXPECTED me to do everything 100% like a practitioner...my other supervisor even addressed that during one of our meetings, and YET held everything I was lacking against ME! 3) In my opinion, patients should come first in this equation, and I always treated my patients with the upmost respect, and they all seemed satisfied with my services. I even had one patient who spat at and disrespected all the CNA's, nurses, and LPN's, but LOVED me. 4) We had practitioners at my facility who made THE SAME EXACT mistakes as I did, and yet at the end of the day, they were still practitioners, they still kept their jobs, but you're going to fail me? There was even one covering practitioner who was an OTR, not just a OTA, but an OTR, and didn't know what the hell she was doing. She would literally give patients one activity to do which didn't even HELP them in terms of their diagnoses, and she got away with it. She even asked ME for help at times, especially with documentation. And YET, she gets to keep her fancy license and make the big bucks year by year, but I get the middle finger. My point in bringing people like her up is; if they got a chance to be who they are today, then I deserve one too. Anyways, the next step for me is, I will still be able to go on my Pediatrics rotation, so it's not a complete loss. Afterwards, I am still allowed to go back to school to finish off my final semester of classes, and I would even be able to walk in the graduation ceremony. But here's where the catch comes in. After I graduate, I would have to stay in PA to do an additional rotation in the physical disabilities field. If I would pass that rotation, I would then officially earn my Masters. It's a decent idea for me, considering what happened at this last facility, but I still have a lot of things to think about, like where to stay and how to get to my job, and if I should get an additional job to cover expenses. I have also been thinking to myself; "Is it REALLY worth it?" According to my last supervisor, I pretty much don't even have the "personality" to be a practitioner, so if that's the case, why bother? Also, this rotation made me realize how shady and full of shit this profession REALLY is, and I am not a shady person. I really don't know. My fieldwork coordinator doesn't want me to make any "rash" decisions, and I see where he is coming from. But at the same time I feel that the decision I *want* to make may be the best one for me. I don't know anymore...about anything. One thing's for sure; I REALLY have to do well on my Pediatrics rotation, otherwise...
P.S. I gave one of my temporary supervisors (the same one who co-signed stabbing me in the back) a thank you card, so he gave me one of his own with $50 in it. I have a feeling he thought to himself "This girl is going to need a drink after she's done with us, so let me give her a little something..." And you know what? That's exactly what i'm going to do with it, thank you very much sir.

Sunday, Sept. 5, 2010

Currently: You know, I like when my tears are thick and warm.

Saturday, Aug. 28, 2010

Currently: So tuesday was horrible. My supervisors made me do an inservice on the different types of equipment we use in the gym. I tried to make it creative by giving everybody a handout with the equipment on them, and then having each person come up and do an activity on the equipment and everyonelse would discuss (like fucking adults) what areas of the body that person is working on improving. You would THINK that a presentation in that format would go over well...but just the opposite happened. As soon as I get up there, the OT assistants start yelling "wait, we have to do WORK? this is HER inservice! She's the one that's supposed to be doing all the WORK!" One Indidan bitch in particular named Aisha (who I sense has hated my guts since day one) was the worst of them all. She just kept yelling and saying "oh please!" and rolling her eyes...and at one point, she even got up and sarcastically said "I'm going to use the bathroom!...might as well." In the meanwhile, you would THINK that the others would try to show some sort of respect for me and stand up to the bitch and tell her to calm the fuck down...but no! They all joined in on her bitchiness. Even one of my SUPERVISORS was sitting there, laughing his head off and (I feel) just mocking me altogether. And mind you, these people are all well in their 30's, and married with children! You would think that they would be a lot more mature than that. I swear, I felt like I was in Elementary School being bullied allover again. After that nightmare was done and over with, I went to a corner and just cried...cause that's all I could do. You know, this is sort of my fault too for being so quiet and passive. If I would have been a strong minded bitch from day one, none of this would have ever happened. I need to step it up. But how? It's just not in my person to be that way...no matter how hard I try. But I guess I have to keep trying anyways. On that note, I hope they all get AIDS or CANCER. I wasn't going to go there, but yup, I did it.

Saturday, Aug. 21, 2010

Currently: So I am continuing to strive and make improvements at my fieldwork facility...but judging by the types of people I work with, I still never know what their perceptions of me will be at the end of my run there. Despite that, i'm going to continue to push myself and try to become the best practitioner I can be...so that I at least know that if I do fail, at least I never gave up and went down fighting. Because that is what I am...a fighter. Anyways, in other news, my mother just admitted herself along with my brother to the ER because he had been complaining about an ear ache for days now, and her asthma has returned. Shitty saturday altogether. And in other OTHER news, my annoying bitch of an aunt wants to pair me up with this half Puerto Rican, half Italian Nursing student at her job. This kind of pisses me off as 1) I never asked the bitch for any favors, nor to try and pair me up with ANYBODY, 2) I'm not looking to be (or attempt to be) romantically involved with ANYBODY, EVER! and 3) What the hell does she think I am? A person who cannot find somebody on my own? A pity to society? Bitch please!...sorry that I am all of a sudden using ghetto speak (I hate that), but some people are REALLY getting on my nerves right about now! Anyways, unfortunately I am unable to go out tonight, as I am broke and have killer cramps from getting my Period for the second time this month. Lovely.

Monday, Aug. 16, 2010

Currently: Still alive.Haha Things are looking a little bit better fieldwork-wise. I had another meeting with my fieldwork supervisor on friday and he is FINALLY starting to notice the improvements I have been making. Ugh, people. Anyways, other than that nothing else has been going on at all. Life gets more and more boring by the day...I don't know what to do, really...but whatever. I've run out of options on how to make my life more interesting. Anyways, I should actually be in bed right now, so I think i'll get to that now. Good night, world!!!!

Sunday, Aug. 8, 2010

Currently: Still alive.Haha. Fieldwork is still draining me. For one, I am now on "failing" status for fieldwork, why? I don't frickin know!! My supervisor keeps saying that I need to stop looking "lost," and carry myself more like an occupational therapist, as opposed to an occupational therapy assistant. I've been trying my hardest to do that, but everytime I try to improve on something, he as well as other staff members at my facility find somethingelse to get on me for. They are almost impossible to please over there! It is so ridiculous. They act as if I am studying to be a goddamned doctor, when occupational therapy is not NEARLY as difficult as medical school! And what pisses me off the most is the fact that sometimes they even feel the need to blow things out of proportion and even LIE at times, to make it seem as if I don't know what i'm doing and am thus not prepared to be an OT practitioner. It is complete bullshit, if you ask me. But on the brightside, my supervisor had a chat with my fieldwork coordinator, and he was able to convince him to give me more patients to treat a day (I went from three patients a day, to five) so that i'll at least be treating the amount of patients I should be treating by the end of fieldwork (which is about eight). Thankfully, I still enjoy my patients. My supervisor even said the other day that I interract with my patients very well (which is the ONLY compliment he has given me since I started!). I really don't know. I hope things work out for the best in the end, but I really wonder sometimes. Sometimes I just feel like he had already made up his mind that he wants to fail me, and is just looking for MORE dumass reasons to do so. Whatever. I just need to clear my head right now. I'm about to go watch some Deftones music videos on my laptop and then call it a night...and start anew tommorrow. Pray for me, everyone.