Friday, Jan. 29, 2010

Currently: I'm not going to lie, I miss having Jon around. Although he was a little bit of a dirt bag, he was a challenge, and I liked that. As boring as my life is, I like having someone around that keeps me awake and focused and he did just that. When he was around, I had someone to actively think about and look forward to seeing. I could think "How am I going to get his attention tonight?" "Will he notice me tonight?" Will he not?" "Where will I see him?" I know that it sounds a little weird and stalker-ish and I don't really like that. But think about it, i'm in a campus full of really lame guys that don't really give me an "adventure" if you will...and aren't really worth one. But when I had such an insatiable, non-particular guy like Jon around, he was that one guy that could spice up my life a little bit...though he wasn't aware of that. His eye-candy factor helped him a little too. = ) I don't know, i'm just one confused person right now. A few years ago, I vowed myself to never have a "crush" on an asshole ever again, and it looks like i'm falling back into that mode and it's really not good. I guess it's my appetite for adventure and a challenge that's causing this...definitely. Oh well, I digress. It's really cold out tonight, and because of that I didn't really seek to go out...and now I'm kind of regretting it. It is 11:44 exactly right now, and I know to most this isn't that late and the night is still "young," but since ALL Bars and clubs in this area close at an early 2am, and time just flies by so quickly, to me 11 pm is about the time that the night is about to end. By the time I get ready and step out, it's already about 12:30, giving me none more than an hour and a half to have any fun. Lame. So yea, i'll probably be going to bed in a few. Tommorrow i'm going to go eat at McDonalds to cheer myself up. After that, i'm going to watch the movie "I can do bad all by myself" again. It's a really good movie! I think i'm in love.

Tuesday, Jan. 26, 2010

Currently: I can't believe I waited this long to update my blog! I guess i've just been concentrating so much on being a good student. Oh well. So...things are still the same. One thing I can be excited about though, is the fact that I am on my FINAL semester as an undergraduate college student! I still, to this day, can't believe i've really reached this far in my education. I always thought that my depression would get the best of me and I wouldn't be able to finish college because of that, but whudda ya know? Ok, i'm done with that. So other than me being really excited about graduation, not much else has been going on. Classes aren't that hard at all...and really shouldn't be, as i'm about ready to go out on my Fieldwork II rotations. I'm not going to lie though, my social life has died a little this semester. Since the semester started, i've only had ONE really good night out! Wtf? Last semester I was having a blast practically every weekend, and now this??? *Sigh* So the story goes...Oh yea, and i'm still trying to find facilities to complete my Fieldwork II rotations at...it has been beyond a pain in the ass! I really wish I had a more serious Fieldwork coordinator too. Oh well. I shall see. Hopefully, i'll be updating more often. I really like this blog.

Monday, Jan. 11, 2010

Currently: First day of classes are going well so far. Had Gerontology early this morning. It looks like that class is going to be a very interactive kind of class, but I could deal. In a few, I have Pediatrics lab. This afternoon we are each doing treatment sessions using our favorite activities from our Activities Portfolio. I chose my "Hidden Pictures" activity pretty much because it was the only activity in my portfolio that wasn't boring or cheesy.Haha It is actually a pretty creative and challenging activity and i'm looking forward to seeing how the girls react to it.Haha I have already made a handout for it so i'm all set. In the meanwhile, i'm just going to relax a little. After lab, i'm going back to the bookstore to buy a Binder. This morning, luckily, I was able to go over and buy a few books that i'm going to need, so I don't have to worry about that. After that, i'm going back to the apartment and taking a short nap. After the nap, i'm going to make a few phone calls and then begin reading for class. I can't believe this is my FINAL semester as an undergrad.!!!! I will actually be GRADUATING in May! This is so weird. Am I really...a GROWN UP??? That word alone gives me the shivers. Oh boy. So begins the beginning of the end.

Monday, Jan. 4, 2010

Currently: I was so sluggish all day. I literally forced myself to run errands today. And just a few moments ago the right side of my head was hurting. I took some Robitussin not too long ago for a cough that i've been having for weeks and almost immediately after the headache went away.Ha! Anyways, more errands to run tommorrow and most likely the rest of the week until I embark back to school on Saturday. Bleh. For some reason, i'm not in the mood to go back really. I feel like I still need more time to relax. Lazy, I know. Truth is, i've been kind of lazy lately. Mind you, I haven't gone out once during this break, except to do my hair and eyebrows and run a few small errands. I practically hibernated at home this entire break. Anyways, i'm going to call it a night early tonight. Let's see what antics I could get myself into for the remainder of this break.

Saturday, Jan. 2, 2010

Currently: So last night I did my share of fantasizing about a guy I knew named Jon. It all started when I was remniscing about the night my sorority threw a "housewarming party" at our new house. Our new house happens to be right across the street from the football field, so we're practically front row to any game going on. Well that night in particular, the soccer team was playing. Jon happened to be on the soccer team, and at the time I had this blossoming crush on him. It was pouring rain that night, and though I couldn't see him that well, I knew he was there and was just picturing him, soaking wet, running down the field with his jersey on. At that point I just wanted to run home and masturbate...but unfortunately couldn't, as I was at a sorority function and wasn't allowed to leave right away. Needless to say, I tried to get to him as soon as possible. He's good friends with a friend of mine, so one night in particular when I knew they were hanging out, I asked her to do me a little "favor," and drop a line or two about me. She did so...and right as I was walking up to say hi to him. Of course, once I got to him he was a little awkward and on guard. Regardless, I was able to talk to him a little without making a complete ass of myself. Once I went back to hang out with my other friends that night, my friend asked him what he thought of me. He actually thought I was pretty cool, but seemed a little quiet and reserved...he then made a comment about my humongous breasts.Haha. Men. So after that, I was thinking things were going alright with us, so for my birthday I asked my friend again to find a way for he and I to hang out. We managed to stalk him (creepers, I know, haha) to a Bar he frequented a lot. We stood around and waited for him. Finally, I spotted him and pointed him out to my friend. I waited anxiously as he got closer and closer to us. Once he got to us, he went right to my friend, gave her a hug, and completely ignored me. Surprised and caught off guard, I tapped him on the shoulder when he was looking away so that he would at least acknowledge my presence. Well, he then turns around and goes right back to my friend and says "what's up?" She then points out that it was I that tapped him on the shoulder, and he simply turns to me, says "hello," and gives me a hug, all the while making no eye contact whatsoever. Needless to say, I never spoke to him again after that night. I was just so upset. I saw him at another Bar on a different night since and he did the same; simply looked at me, acted as if he didn't really see me, and walked away. He graduated last month. I'm not going to lie, this situation was definately Karma biting me in the ass. See, I actually knew this kid since my Freshman year in college, and at the time I was a stuck-up little sell out and had a stick up my ass and thus would refuse to be with any Black guys. He actually showed some interest in me then. We had a class together, and he would always try to talk to me and tell me jokes. He even called me once. But in those days, I had my eye on a pathetic emo white guy, and although we ended up almost dating, at the end of the day, he just refused to consider me as a girlfriend, eventhough we saw each other every night and would do things like go out to the clubs and shows together and buy each other presents for our birthdays/christmas. I was wasting my time on someone who was embarassed to say he was my boyfriend, when I could've been with a sexy, fine brother like Jon. Now, at the last minute, when i've finally come to my senses, it's too late. I had my chance and once again, fucked it up. I couldn't stop thinking about Jon last night and what could have been. Lesson learned.