Wednesday, Sept. 21, 2011

Currently: SO I went to go take my Boards exam yesterday and was NOT admitted to the site because I didn't have another form of identification with my signature on it...and no I am NOT making this shit up, unfortunately. I know that I was complaining before about not feeling prepared enough for the exam, but since that time I had been studying a lot and my confidence had increased...needless to say, yesterday morning I felt more than ready to take the exam and get it over with. So what's next now? Today I have to go to the Bank and apply for a Savings debit card that could serve as my second form of id with a signature, and Friday I have to apply for yet another Authorization letter. Again, it will take a week for me to receive the new letter, and then I can schedule another test. I couldn't believe it myself when the guy at the front desk said those words to me; "You are not allowed to test." According to him, it is an NBCOT (crooks) rule and not the Prometric site's rules. This is just beyond ridiculous to me. I have a fucking MASTER'S degree and yet I'm lucky if i'll have an actual paying job by my birthday...or by Christmas, even. In the meanwhile, I have to start paying off my loans in fucking November! How the fuck do these people expect me to pay for ANYTHING when I need the fucking exam to get a job in this State...and i'm having a hard time merely being ADMITTED to the fucking exam? And I love how yesterday when I spoke to a rep from NBCOT, the fucking bitch had the nerves to tell me (when I asked her how the hell they expect an unemployed person straight out of Grad School to pay an additional 175 dollars to "reactivate" an ATT letter) that I have to "find a way" to pay them...WHAT FUCKING WAY, LADY? Shit like this is why I never feel bad when the fucking terrorists crash planes through this country's most esteemed buildings, and murder the hell out of American soldiers. Fucking people expect the impossible from others. But this all makes me wonder; Is there something trying to hold me back from become an occupational therapist? I mean, one of my professors repeatedly gave me a hard time while I was a student, then I had a difficult first fieldwork and ended up having to repeat it, now THIS SHIT??? What the fuck is next? In the meanwhile, most of my classmates completed the program and took the Boards and passed it very smoothly...shit, half of them are already working. This is all disappointing to me...i'm a HARD working person, and this shouldn't be happening to me. But then again, when was life EVER fair to me? I think the only positive about this situation, is now I have more time to study...so I better pass this test.

Thursday, Sept. 15, 2011

Currently: I will be taking my Boards exam in T-minus 5 days...and unfortunately, based on my performances on THREE complete practice exams, right now I don't feel that my chances of passing the exam are very high. The most frustrating thing about this is I MUST pass the registration exam before obtaining a job, so no pass equals NO employment! And the worse part is, I already spent over 600 dollars to take this test, so me failing it would literally be like taking 6 Benjamins in the palm of my hand, opening the nearest window, and forcefully throwing them out. And the EVEN WORSE part is if I fail I have to pay EVEN MORE MONEY to retake the exam...when i'm currently UNEMPLOYED to begin with! At this point, I might as well get a job at some office somewhere and call it a day. That test is the epitome of proposterous bullshit all around. I am so upset right now that I don't even want to continue with studying. I have been studying non-stop all week long and am still receiving "quite deficient" service delivery comprehension scores? Something is not right. I don't know what to do or what to think at this point. This is the first time in my life that I feel I legitimately made the wrong decision for my future.

Wednesday, Sept. 7, 2011

Currently: Welcome to the fall season! Good news, I have FINALLY received my Authorization to Test letter and have scheduled my test for the 20th of this month at 10am. I'm pretty nervous, but hopefully the exam itself will not be as painful as I am kind of anticipating. I have been studying my ass off and taking practice test after practice test. Thankfully, I feel like i've been learning a lot from my Review book, so thank you Therapyed! Once I take the test and (very hopefully) pass it, I will then have to apply for State Licensure...which requires me to cough up even more money, and will most likely have to renew my private liability insurance as well. So I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but it will all be worth it once i'm making 50-60,000 a year. In the meanwhile I continue to be generally numb, nothing has changed. Sometimes I think it is better to feel this way than depressed. Because at the end of the day, I am doing my best to survive and make it through life. Yes, being alone does get depressing and quite boring, but at this point I should really be used to it. I am 23 years old, and for most of my life i've had a minimal amount of friends and have never been in an actual relationship...'lonely' is a part of my life at this point. Which is why these days I numbly follow my 'role' in life, the ole routine. But don't cry for me, Argentina...it was meant to be this way. One person that refuses to accept this course in my life is my mother. She still thinks that after all these years I still have a chance of getting married and starting a family...when it's just not going to happen. Trust me, if I knew that there was still a chance for me I would say so, but I know that it's virtually impossible for someone who's been through all that i've been through with the opposite sex and people in general, to all of a sudden find my Prince charming, marry him, and live happily ever after. That's just the way it is. At this point, my sex drive is practically gone. Yes, every once in awhile I get that urge and have to relieve it via masturbation...but even that doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to. When I go out and I see the opposite sex, I feel nothing. I don't even get the urge to say one word to them. And when they talk to me I am disgusted. Anyways, I'm rambling again.