Wednesday, Sept. 7, 2011

Currently: Welcome to the fall season! Good news, I have FINALLY received my Authorization to Test letter and have scheduled my test for the 20th of this month at 10am. I'm pretty nervous, but hopefully the exam itself will not be as painful as I am kind of anticipating. I have been studying my ass off and taking practice test after practice test. Thankfully, I feel like i've been learning a lot from my Review book, so thank you Therapyed! Once I take the test and (very hopefully) pass it, I will then have to apply for State Licensure...which requires me to cough up even more money, and will most likely have to renew my private liability insurance as well. So I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but it will all be worth it once i'm making 50-60,000 a year. In the meanwhile I continue to be generally numb, nothing has changed. Sometimes I think it is better to feel this way than depressed. Because at the end of the day, I am doing my best to survive and make it through life. Yes, being alone does get depressing and quite boring, but at this point I should really be used to it. I am 23 years old, and for most of my life i've had a minimal amount of friends and have never been in an actual relationship...'lonely' is a part of my life at this point. Which is why these days I numbly follow my 'role' in life, the ole routine. But don't cry for me, Argentina...it was meant to be this way. One person that refuses to accept this course in my life is my mother. She still thinks that after all these years I still have a chance of getting married and starting a family...when it's just not going to happen. Trust me, if I knew that there was still a chance for me I would say so, but I know that it's virtually impossible for someone who's been through all that i've been through with the opposite sex and people in general, to all of a sudden find my Prince charming, marry him, and live happily ever after. That's just the way it is. At this point, my sex drive is practically gone. Yes, every once in awhile I get that urge and have to relieve it via masturbation...but even that doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to. When I go out and I see the opposite sex, I feel nothing. I don't even get the urge to say one word to them. And when they talk to me I am disgusted. Anyways, I'm rambling again.