Thrusday, Nov. 25, 2010

Currently: So...it is Thanksgiving here in the States. Although I started out the day depressed and down on myself, I decided to muster up some motivation to help my mother with cooking some...particularly by preparing some roasted potatoes (courtesy of what i've been learning from watching Food Network, haha). They are still in the oven, but i'm looking forward to getting a taste of them to see if my new world famous potatoes are the next big thing in my household, haha. I shall see. After i'm done eating i'm drinking some sweet nectar and just hanging out until I call it a night. Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers!

Sunday, Nov. 21, 2010

Currently: My birthday weekend was alright. Friday night, I kind of just laid around the house and had a few of my homemade cocktails, and then last night I drank a little at home and then went out to the city for a little bit. While there, I met up with my best friend for a little bit and we hung out at Sbarro's for about an hour, laughing and making fun of people; just like the good 'ole times!Haha, it was nice. But today...as much as I would like to get some work done, I have been lazy all day. I know that I have to write some notes on some of my students, continue working on my Case Study (which is actually going well), and start writing an annual review for 3 of my students...but right now i'm finding it so hard to even get ONE of those tasks done! Seriously, is there a cure for procrastination?haha Oh well. Oh, and random cute birthday moment of the week: Once I got home from a fantastic birthday at the school, I was listening to a couple of songs in celebration, and my brother instinctually puts on this cassette that my mother recorded EONS ago, containing party classics of the day, like "The Humpty Dance," "Bust a Move," and "Up all night, sleep all day"...well, that same casette also contains some audio of myself at about 2 years old and my brother at about 4, singing along to the songs! It was so cute! At one point, you can hear me loudly singing to the lyrics of "Up all night, sleep all day," and then humming to "The Humpty Dance"...I guess that goes to show that I was ALWAYS a music fan...even at 2 years old! It was just too precious for words, and on my birthday too! I honestly didn't even need a present after that. Good stuff. Anyways, i'm going to go try and be productive now.

Thursday, Nov. 18, 2010

Currently: I am oficially 23 years of age as of today!!!! It was a great day. I got plenty of birthday messages/texts (even from people I least expected, like my ex-roomate whom I left on not so good terms with, and my former best friend from elementary school), and as soon as I walked into work today, I see a gift bag for myself with a message from my supervisor...along with brownies! That was so nice of her. I really appreciated it. After that, I went to room 29 to pick up one of my students for therapy and as soon as I walked in everyone in the room started singing happy birthday to me, and then the teacher of that class presented me with a special birthday crown and 'happy birthday' certificate. I was also serenaded by one of my students and he threw me birthday kisses. It was cute. I ate at the mall today, and on my way home decided to stop at the liquor store to pick up some sweet nectar...so yea, it's been a great day all around. : ) It just goes to show you how much BETTER my co-workers at the school are than those low-life scum mother fuckers from the Home...they definitely make up for all I went through over at the Home, and I am thankful for that. As soon as I got home, I took a picture with my crown on. So right now i'm about to have some dinner and then have a little bit of my scrumptious-looking ice cream cake...I may or may not also have a little bit of that sweet nectar, but we shall see.

Monday, Nov. 15, 2010

Currently: My 23rd birthday is now 3 DAYS AWAY! I am pretty glad and excited, but at the same time a little disappointed, as the bulk of this week until then will be pretty busy for myself. For one, tonight I have a crap ton of homework to do...I also have to go to the bank to withdraw some money, as I will be needing it this week. Tommorrow, I will be making my first ever "real" splint for one of my students...it will be a wrist cock-up splint. So tonight I have to review some of my notes from Physical Disabilities hardcore to prepare myself for that...i'm not going to lie, i'm a little nervous. But looking forward to it, nevertheless. This is MY time to learn, afterall. Tommorrow I also have some more tedious errands to run on top of more homework, hooray! And i'm most likely going to use wednesday to work on that project that my supervisor wants me to complete. Since I didn't find any good toys at the Dollar Store, she now wants me to make something for the aforementioned student that would enable him to hold a pencil easier. So needless to say, I am looking forward to thursday. Not only will it be my birthday, but it would also practically mark the end of week 8 of fieldworks...and although I have been enjoying my time at the school, I also just want to get ALL fieldworks done and over with so that I can move on to bigger and better things...as well as making ACTUAL MONEY for once! Anyways, luckily, I finished writing my research topic paper yesterday, so that's one less thing for me to worry about. Happy Monday!...Not.

Thursday, Nov. 11, 2010

Currently: I was productive today and am very proud of myself. I worked on my research topic paper and Case Study for fieldwork. I also went over to the Dollar Store to look at some toys to build my "big project" that my supervisor wants me to do...unfortunately, I didn't find anything to my liking, so instead I decided to buy some pads (since i'm on my monthly and all) and just leave. I'll just have to tell her that I couldn't really find anything good, so then maybe she'll decide to cancel the project altogether! *fingers crossed* I also called up my potential landlord for when I go back to PA, and luckily he seemed more sure of himself this time around and told me that he is definitely holding an apartment for me. He wants me to call him next month so that we can make some final arrangements. I am so glad that things are looking good in that area...cause i'm not going to lie, I was *nay* close to deciding to try and bribe one of my occupational therapy friends into letting me stay with them...and I really don't like having to depend on ANYBODY for ANYTHING. But the downside to today was when father dearest the dickhead came back home from work. Basically, he started getting on my case about smoking (to which he is one of the primary reasons why I do it to begin with), and ended up saying some hurtful things about me...amongst them, calling me an 'imbicile' and saying that Sean (the guy I dated my freshman year of college) "messed you up real good before he left you" (he thinks that he caused me to start smoking). Now, FIRST of all, Sean didn't even smoke, so why the fuck would he 'inspire' me to do so...and SECOND of all, who the fuck does he think I am? A follower who doesn't have a mind of my own? Someone who would just do something cause some guy told me to? I use smoking SOLELY as a coping mechanism. I have battled low self-esteem issues and some depression and body image issues all my life, and i'm the kind of person that holds everything in...so I HAVE to have some way to release some of these horrid memories and self-doubt, and unfortunately smoking and ocassionally drinking is my only way to do that. Eventually i'll drop it...but not just yet. I'm at a point in my life where I feel okay as to where i'm going, but at the same time still have the ocassional feelings of sadness and guilt...basically, I have my moments where I am just down on myself. But until then, I just wish that HE would shut the fuck up and leave me alone. He also had the nerve to say that i'm young therefore I have no problems...and I completely call BULLSHIT on that point! Anybody, of any fucking age can have 'problems'! Just because I don't have a full time job, or am not in debt up to my ass, doesn't mean that I have absolutely nothing to be sad or complain about. As previously mentioned, I HAVE been through a lot in my life in terms of low self-esteem, being bullied all throughout elementary and middle school, feeling 'ugly' and that I will never attract anybody, feeling like a complete fuck up at times, having an autistic brother, always being the 'quiet girl' that people step on...and etc, etc, etc...the list can go on and on! Who the fuck is he? He clearly does not know me, nor what I have been through so he needs to shut the fuck up. But I ignored him even when he was talking all this shit about me, cause he's the type of person that goes on and on the more you answer him or try to prove a point...HE must always have the last word. Such a dickhead. BUT ANYWAYS! I'm not going to let that dickhead ruin my night. So my game plan for the rest of the night: I'm going to plug my phone to be charged, go up in my room and write some notes/intervention plans for my students, brush my teeth, take a shower, unplug my phone, hang around a little bit...and fall asleep to some infomercials (my new thing). And that is all.

Monday, Nov. 8, 2010

Currently: This weekend was pretty relaxing...considering all that's going on. I got a lot of rest and watched a lot of movies/old favorite tv shows on tv. I also got to work some on my Case Study for fieldwork and drop my coat off at the Dry Cleaner's (which my mother will be picking up for me tonight). It was nice. Today was nice too...though the weather is cold and craptastic. Anyways, i've got a busy few days ahead of me. I'm going to continue working on my case study/research topic paper. My supervisor also wants me to look over some things for an evaluation i'll be doing tommorrow...but i'm not nervous at all. I am also looking at some jobs online for my mother that she could do at home, so that she can earn some extra money for herself and my brother, as well as could enable her to be around for him more, especially for after I go back to PA for school in January. I decided too, that instead of getting a J-O-B while over there, to borrow EVEN MORE money from this great American goverment to pay for Rent, cable/wifi internet, and groceries/books. I would just have to spend diligently while over there, so that my borrowed money doesn't disappear before my eyes...which means that I won't be indulging in the sweet nectar as much once I go back. : ( Oh well. I had looked online at some job options for me over there, but since a lot of my preferred jobs were looking for full time and evening positions and I have obligations to classes, I decided "aw, fuck it!" and chose this route instead...it is still a not so bad option for me, though. And speaking of, I also have to call my potential new landlord on thursday of this week (since I have the day off and all) to make sure that he is still holding that one apartment for me. If not, then...fuck. But *fingers crossed* that he is! So yea, needless to say, I have a lot on my mind right now, but taking things step by step and day by day...as sick I am of doing that. But hey, my 23rd birthday's now 10 DAYS AWAY! I'm pretty excited...though all I really plan on doing is getting some ice cream cake at Carvel's and hopefully getting a new ipod nano...my uncle also may take me out to my favorite club in the city for the ocassion...so maybe it won't be so Bleh afterall. : )

Friday, Nov. 5, 2010

Currently: About to go sip some white Zinfandel and watch 'Shottas' in my room. Oh what a night. : )

Thursday, Nov. 4, 2010

Currently: Things aren't going very well here at home...actually, not well at all. Father dearest (aka the Bane of my existence for the last 22 and a half years) has been laid up in the hospital for the past couple of days, and tonight we have found out that he has a blood clot in his heart...on top of the fact that he also has some kidney issues. Now, as we all know, I never liked the guy and never will...and actually really like this set-up of just me, my mother, and my brother...BUT the problem with not having him around is the fact that when he was still working, he was the one paying the mortgage, thus making it possible for me to have a roof over my head. He also helped out some with my brother. So as much as he was the biggest dickhead in the universe, he was also quite helpful, and now that he is practically gravely ill, things are not looking good for us financially as well as when it comes to my brother. Now he isn't even able to go to his Dayhab program anymore, since there's no one here at the house to open the door for him when he gets dropped off after program; my mother's still at work at that time, and the times that I get home vary. But since father dearest's work schedule was very flexible, he was often around to do that. Anyways, i'm also just really upset right now, cause I feel like this is MY TIME to step up and help my mother and brother, but unfortunately, I am STILL a fucking unemployed full-time graduate student. My gut instinct is telling me to just drop out of graduate school and get a paying job to start helping my mother, but another part of me is still pushing to continue pursuing my dream...I really don't know. I feel SO bad, because fuck, i'm a grown ass woman with two hands and two feet, YET I am practically unable to help the two people that mean the most to me during a crisis? What kind of a person am I? I never realized what a selfish bitch I am until now...and even as I type this, I still refuse to drop out of grad school.

Monday, Nov. 1, 2010

Currently: So...this weekend went exactly as planned and I am satisfied with that. But today's November 1st, meaning one thing: My 23rd birthday is now 17 DAYS AWAY! I can't believe I am already this old! I mean, i'm not "old" perse, but DAMN did time fly! Believe it or not, I actually enjoy aging, cause the older I get, the wiser I get, which is why as of late i've been doing hardcore countdowns of my birthdays every year. And what's funny is, when I was a teenager I LOATHED my birthday. I would even go as far as DENYING that it was even my birthday! You would think that THEN I would be oh so excited about my birthday year by year, but something has happened to me in the last couple of years, where I have just learned to love getting older! It's good. Anyways, I should be in bed right now, as I have to be up early tommorrow to go do an observation out in the city...but it should be good. Oh, and things continue to go well at my fieldwork site. Today in particular, one of the aides of one of the students I treat came up to me raving at how well I treated him, and how much I got him to interract during my session...moments like that make me feel great. Hopefully, all of this good feedback i've been getting as of late will lead to a job offer! *crossing fingers* Okay, so now i'm going to trot up the stairs, brush my teeth, wash my face, and get to bed...and then start anew tommorrow!