Dani's Rants: How can I make my life more exciting?

I always thought that once I started working life would be a lot more fun and exciting...unfortunately, that is far from the truth. Sure working at least keeps me busy and occupied with something...but I think that's the only added Bonus to it. I still don't have a lot of friends so during the weekends I don't go anywhere or socialize...and even if I were to find someone to go on the occasional outing with, i'm always tired from work by the time weekends arrive! On top of that too you have Bills, bills, bills; i've already begun paying off my loans. So how do I even save up enough money to go out? I'm starting to feel that that's what life itself is; completely boring. People are so busy with obligations and personal matters, it's hard to find time for the more enjoyable things in life. Even when I do try to find ways to amuse myself, nothing seems to fulfill well enough. I feel like in order to fully enjoy life, one must have a job that requires them to travel a lot; at least you get to change settings and experience different worlds. I would love to do travel therapy...only problem though is i'm the type of person who has an attached type of personality...meaning once I grow used to a place I can never leave it. I hate that about me! For example, i've been in New York all my life and though I find San Francisco, California to be a lot more breath-taking and fun to live in, I STILL don't want to leave New York! I think apart of it is fear and being in a new setting all by myself. But i'm also the type of person who LOVES having something new and exciting to look forward to. That's why it has also been so hard trying to figure out my next vacation. One minute I want to go to Punta Cana, DR, next minute I want to visit Hollywood...then the next minute I want Mexico or Vegas...I want to be everywhere!haha But it is hard too to get to those places without money...and I haven't even started saving up to retake my Boards yet. But anyways, at the end of all of this is the question; why does life have to be so boring? Why can't simple things like waking to a beautiful day (which it really is) fulfill the soul enough? Or going to the Salon and getting a new hairdo? Why can't things like that keep me going for an entire day? Maybe i'm the only one that feels this way...but I doubt it.

Dani's Rants part 3: Jason

I have an imaginary boyfriend named Jason. He is 26, from a well-off family in an upscale suburban town. He is also a law student and former lifeguard with a bright future. His zodiac sign is Cancer. He treats me the way I deserve to be treated. He sends me flowers at work when he doesn't have to. He says "I love you" everytime we speak. He isn't ashamed to say that I am his. He posts countless photos of he and I together...a couple in which he is kissing me. He lets me fall asleep in his arms at night. He listens to the hip hop and r&b music that I like...but isn't afraid to throw in a little punk and alternative into the mix. He drives a stick shift and isn't afraid to take me anywhere I want. He takes me to his Cabin Upstate on some weekends so we may both escape from real life and just spend some quality time together. He has never once mentioned his ex-girlfriend eventhough they were together for a long time. He loves his family and will do anything for them...but will still stand up for me if they attempt to trample on my name. I practically live with him eventhough he technically lives with his childhood best friend and I still live at home with my parents. He hates to see me cry or upset. He knows when to be playful and when to be serious. He is not afrraid to think outside the box. He may be imaginary, but it is He that keeps me sane.

Sunday, Nov. 20, 2011

Currently: I have aged one year since my last update...meaning I am now 24 years, haha. It was a good birthday. I got some nice presents including a really cute grey pea-jacket from my bitchy aunt...guess that's one thing I can thank her for. But most importantly, I can now sport my new cute jacket at work! And speaking of work, things are going really well. Though I find my co-workers a bit, ummmmm...cold? Turns out the Rehab director really likes the work i've been putting in and has vouched for me to stay as an ongoing coverage therapist. It was unexpecting but really exciting at the same time...I mean, an opportunity is an opportunity right? I basically can't say no to a facility that actually wants me...so this is where i'll be working for a long time. What i'm hoping for next is that the facility itself awards me a permanent position...now THAT would be kick ass! So right now the only thing i'm worried about is getting my first paycheck by Dec. 2. This is a concern because the Agency that I am working under has a two week lag for first pay checks. But despite this, they are willing to give me Advance pay for transportation since where I work is far away from where I live. I am looking forward to my Advance pay, but of course a full paycheck would be ten times better! But not to worry, i'm being patient as I can. But Dec. 2 can't come soon enough!haha I have also decided that I may not re-take the Boards. To make things clear I am NOT being a quitter! The problem is that I've been so burnt out from work that I haven't had the time to study or practice answering 200 questions in a timely manner. I do a lot of traveling and am on my feet all day at work, so by the time I get home my bed is on my mind and not studying. It's just extrememly difficult to work and prepare for such a huge exam at once. If I really wanted to devote my time to studying I would have to quit this job and I definitely do NOT want to do that! I mean, my school Loan bills are already collecting...life is hard and I have no more time to waste. I mean, the test itself costs a lot of money. It would just be a big mess to leave work just to have more study time. But I don't know. I am already getting paid good money to practice as an occupational therapy assistant...I know that being a registered occupational therapist would pay even more, but at the same time I cannot turn away a good opportunity and put myself in more hot water. I've been through enough as it is...

Saturday, Nov. 12, 2011

Currently: So I finally have a job of some sort. This past week I started as a coverage therapist at a Nursing Home in Brooklyn. I will be working there until this coming thursday. After that I will hopefully be working in the city. I have to say, I like being a coverage therapist. You get to travel and try out different facilities and if you don't like a facility you at least know that you won't be there for long. But I have to eventually settle down in one place, haha. But in the meanwhile, my plan is to save as much money as I can and enjoy getting to experience different facilities and settings. The funny part though is, after such a long week and all the traveling I have done I really thought I was going to be knocked out today, but i'm actually feeling more energized than ever. I guess that's a good thing.

Dani's rants part 2: I wish I had your boyfriend

Now this may sound catty and selfish of me...but there's a couple I used to know in College that I can't help but envy. The girl, i'm going to call her "Kelly," was in my sorority and isn't what you would call the typical Media-approved beauty. She's chunky and has nice curly brown hair, but her face is filled with quite a few blemishes and she kind of bares a resemblance to Miss Piggy. Her boyfriend "JC" in the meanwhile is this cute and charming guy. He has boyish looks (which I really like for some reason) and is what you would call the classic gentleman...I guess that comes from being an Eagle Scout. JC seems like the kind of guy that gives his all in a relationship. Kelly always raves about what a great boyfriend he is...and I believe her. I have hung out with Kelly and JC on a couple of occassions and was impressed from the first time I met him. The day I met him, I was sitting at the front seat in one of my other sorority aquaintances car. When he got in I decided I was going to not introduce myself and completely ignore him because I was having one of those days where I didn't want to be bothered by anybody. Usually when I do that to anybody, but especially a guy, the person doesn't bother with me because they know that I do not want to be bothered. JC did just the opposite. He saw that I wasn't in the mood to initiate conversation, so he introduced himself to me on his own with no help from myself or anybodyelse. I was really impressed at that because that showed me that he was at least somewhat genuinely interested in getting to know me. I also got to hang with Kelly and JC during St. Patrick's Day weekend. It was quite a fun time...probably one of those times that i'll never forget. But for some reason, what made it even better was JC being nice to me and treating me with respect. Unlike most guys, throughout our time hanging out JC frequently made conversation with myself and made sure to include me in any of the group activities. At one point he even said I looked good. In another instance we were left alone for a little bit and at that point I was complaining about my feet hurting from the shoes I wore that night...when I did this, he looked at me with genuine concern and urged me to take my shoes off so that my feet wouldn't hurt anymore. Call me crazy, call me corny, but that moment touched me. I saw JC again during Spring Formal and a social gathering my Sorority held at the Beach. Both instances he made sure to greet and talk to me no matter what. During Formal in particular, I had him take a picture of me and my friend Jenn and after he took it he looked at the camera and said "beautiful." He then stayed at our table for quite awhile talking to me...after awhile I had to tell him to not forget his girlfriend at the other table. Also I notice that everytime he and Kelly would pass me somewhere he would have that smile on his face like he was genuinely happy to see me. Last time I got to hang out with him was at a Baseball game, and Kelly and I were joking about what man at the ball park I could take home. I notice as we were joking he seemed kind of...dare I say it...jealous? He didn't laugh at one joke I made about wanting to pick up one particularly attractive guy that was at the game, and then picked out the ugliest guy sitting near us and joked about HIM being my man. And then on our way back home I was talking about wanting to go to Vegas for vacation and he said to me "We should go together, JB." Haha, I really wish I could go anywhere with him...doesn't he sound cute as a button? Who knows, he could just be a really nice guy who genuinely wants to be friends with his girlfriend's friends, but a part of me wishes that he were attracted to me. The only down side to that though would be the fact that i'd be stealing Kelly's boyfriend away from her...and i'm really not that kind of person...besides, Kelly and I always got along. But I must say; she is a lucky girl. They have been dating for a year and some change and I definintely see it going strong. JC's the type of guy that no girl ever would want to let go...kind of like a rare but refreshing flower in a bush of dying weeds. There are days where I wake up and wish that he were my boyfriend. He seems like the type of guy that sends his girlfriends "I love you" texts first thing in the morning...I like that sort of thing! I want to be the girl that falls asleep in his arms while watching a movie...the girl that he takes goofy pictures of as he's kissing me. But Kelly has already won her man and who knows, maybe she deserves him more than I do...or maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Thursday, Oct. 27, 2011

Currently: So I have good news and bad news. Let me start with the bad news; I failed my Boards examination. I was expecting this so it didn't really phase me. Still a bummer though. But GOOD news! One of the agency representatives i've been talking to is super fast paced, so when I told him today that I had failed the exam but am expecting an OTA certificate very soon and am looking to work at a long term care facility in the meanwhile, he right away informed me of another rehab Director that can help me and scheduled an interview for me on Monday in the city! So a win for a loss isn't half bad.haha Also, tommorrow someone's coming to take my car off my hands. I'm not getting a lot of money for the car but i've been wanting to get it the hell out of the driveway to decrease the damn clutter in this house (there's about 4 cars piled in the damn driveway), so the fact that my car gone equals THAT MUCH less clutter, makes me quite okay with it. As for everythingelse...i'm just happy that it's almost Halloween!!...and 18 days after Halloween is my birthday! I'll be 24 this year, so at this point I just look forward to being the center of attention for one day.haha

Dani's Rants part 1: Why I hate Black AND White people

Since the discovery of the new World, there has been this ongoing tension between different cultures; the Native Americans vs. the Whites, Blacks vs. Hispanics, Hispanics vs. Whites, Asians vs. Whites, and so on. But no cultural tension has been as deeply rooted and conflicting as the Whites vs. the Blacks. Let's face it, these two hate each other...for the most part, at least. And though most may choose one over the other because "generally, the Blacks are more fun and boisterous," or..."the Whites are more self-conscientious and well-mannered," at the end of the day there is no real difference besides the stereotypes which separate the two. And I personally could do without both. I know, I know, it's dumb to dislike an entire group of people. But when I say I dislike white and black people, I mean that I find A LOT of black and white people to be distasteful, but not EVERY SINGLE black or white person. As a matter of fact, i've had a lot of friends that were white AND that were black. This rant is not meant to be a racial tirade, but moreso my own personal opinions of why, at the end of the day, both races have good and bad attributes which thus would not cancel out either as being better or worse than the other. So here's my stance on this:

On one side, you have White people. In my opinion white people are the whiniest group I have ever seen. For the most part (and remember: I am not referring to EVERY white person), a lot live comfortable, fullfiling lives. They can live wherever they want, get whatever job they want, and generally are the ones who have long-lasting, stable relationships and seem to lead a very predictable way of life. And everything seems to center around this race. From what we see on tv, to what is sold in stores. Don't believe me? Most tv shows and movies feature predominantly white characters and culturally WASP-y (or white, anglo-saxon, protestant) storylines. And in stores a lot of times clothes are cut especially narrow to flatter white male and female body types...coincidence? I think not. Everything in life seems to fall right on their lap. But yet white people have the highest incidences of suicide, depression, and general psychosis. Now why is that so? Because your girl/boyfriend left you after five years of dating? Or is it because you landed a job in which you are getting paid five thousand less than if you took another job? That is exactly what I mean. And then on the other hand, you have the Whites that are TOO cocky. Like the ones always bragging about how absolutely perfect their lives are just to turn their noses up at others for not being up to their standards. The same ones who can't even open the door for a minority without scratching their throats, or pretend to associate themselves with a minority just to prove that they're not racist. Oh, and lets not forget the preppy little Valley Girl or Valley Guy bitch who thinks that no matter how imperfect or in the wrong he/she is, he/she will ALWAYS be better than a Black person...I know this type from experience. So in general (remember: NOT everybody!), I think that white people should check their egos at the door and stop bitching so much about life. Life is short and you all have a good one; ENJOY it!


And on the other side you have Black people. The same people that bitch and moan about how badly the Whites treat them and how they are so sick and tired of them treating their people like Dogs...are the same ones who will kiss whitey's booty in a minute. Black men are especially guilty of this. They will get upset at the wrongful execution of another Black man (i.e. Troy Davis) and call Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain a 'false Negro' for joining a predominantly White political party (i.e. Harry Belafonte), but yet these same men will also date any woman BUT a Black woman and will idolize the light, 'exotic' looks of mixed race and/or white women. The double standards that these Black men have also frickin kill me. When I was a Freshman in college, a lot of the Black football players were into the thin white girls and I was no more than a fly on the wall to them...but as soon as they saw me around campus with a white guy ALL hell broke loose. They would ask my roomates "what's wrong with her? Does she not know what's good for her?"...and make other rude remarks behind my back and to my face. So it's okay for a Black man to date any type of woman he wants (which they ALWAYS do anyway!...I don't think a lot of black men even date black women anymore), but yet it's a crime for a black woman to do the same? That is just complete BS to me and I refuse to agree with it. And then you have black women who are-let's face it- complete BITCHES! There are some I have come across with attitudes so bad that I grew to fear them. And I notice, those types of women give the worst attitudes to other black people and tend to be slightly more gentle towards "other" women, but white women especially. And yet they demand respect. Sorry hun, but with that attitude you'll always be the white girl's "supportive friend," or today's equivalent of the "maid." So my advice to Black people: cut the double standard shit, stop kissing ass and then blaming your problems on the white man, and discontinue that nasty attitude problem that so many of you (but not all of you) seem to have.

That is all I ask of the Blacks and the Whites. Oh, and one more thing: we're all going to the same place at the end of it all, so all of this racial supremacy crap is just a big waste of time.

Friday, Oct. 21, 2011

Currently: Looks like it will be awhile 'til I have a job. I mailed out my OTA certificate application since Monday and decided today to call up NYSED and ask approximately when i'll receive my Certificate...I was told that the application itself won't be received by the department until this coming Monday and then it will take an additional week to process it and get my certificate to me...meaning I won't receive my certificate until Halloween day, basically. Wonderful. I'll officially know that I failed the NBCOT exam before that time...so no certificate + knowing that I officially failed= a craptastic Halloween weekend. Great. Oh well. I really don't understand why everything has to go in slow motion for me. In the meanwhile, Time itself surely isn't waiting for my ass. I hate this, I really do. There are times where I feel Life itself is just out to get me. I'm lonely and everything I ever want to get done seem to take FOREVER. I'm just frustrated altogether. That is all I have to say for now in reguards to my personal life. Since things have been quite boring for myself, i've decided I will start doing something different with this blog. I have decided to start writing about my feelings on issues of today that I must get off my chest. My first entry will be about why I hate Black AND White people. I will not be posting that until tommorrow, so whoever's actually reading and following this Blog has to sit tight and wait (Lord knows that's something I ALWAYS have to do)for it!

Monday, Oct. 17, 2011

Currently: So I have a new plan of action. Since an individual in NY with a Masters in occupational therapy is allowed to practice with an occupational therapist assitant license, I decided that I could temporarily work as an OTA until i'm able to pass the Boards exam and become a registered OT. At least that way, I can still practice OT while i'm preparing to sit for the exam again. I have already filled out the application. All I need to do now is mail out the application, which i'll be doing this morning. I have also decided that I would definitely like to move the hell out of this fucking house as soon as I get the chance. Although father dearest the devil's health is failing by the year and he now requires Dialysis treatment just to stay alive, the fucking cunt still finds the energy to be an arrogant piece of shit...and I am SICK of it! As far back as I could remember the man has made my life a living hell; even as a child I didn't like him. It has been almost a quarter century of this fucking crap and I can't take it anymore! The man is like a fucking chronic disease that's causing a slow, painful death. And i'm sorry, but I no longer want to be a part of this shit. The only problem though is now my mother needs me more than ever to help with my brother and me moving out would make it harder on her. I really don't know what to do. I mean, when I think about it, my health is at stake here too. All of this prolonged shit can easily cause high blood pressure, diabetes, and god knows what else! He's the type of person that makes life harder than it has to be...I mean shit, it's hard as it is. This is so frustrating. Either way, I can't wait to start working. At least then I won't have to deal with this shit upfront on a daily basis...that, and i'll actually be making money. Those are the two things I look forward to the most.

Thursday, Oct. 13, 2011

Currently: I finally took the test 2 days ago and it was...well, it was what it was. It wasn't so much the content I had a problem with-the content was actually quite fair and a lot easier than I thought it would be- but more with time management. You basically get 4 hours to answer 200 questions, and I know that sounds like enough time to complete that many questions, but its really not. The questions may have been fairly easy, but you have to read through the entire question and really think about the question and possible answers to answer correctly...that takes up to 3-5 minutes. So before you know it, you're already down to only 1 hour of testing and you're only on question 75! It is not an easy test to take for that reason alone. So basically, my confidence is not very high for this one.Haha But I have already come up with a Master Plan for the next couple of months. I plan basically to find a full-time temporary office job-most likely as a receptionist or data entry specialist. During this time, I will continue to study and practice answering questions in a timely manner. I will also use this time to do other things like FINALLY put my car up for sale and begin re-paying my student loans. And once I am qualified to test again, I will re-schedule, re-take, and hopefully pass the test. And then from there I can apply for licensure and notify the Rehab agency I have been keeping in touch with so that they can send me on some interviews...and then FINALLY I can start working as an occupational therapist! So basically, I have a long road ahead of me for the rest of this year and into 2012.

Sunday, Oct. 9, 2011

Currently: On tuesday I am going in for my second try at being admitted to my Boards exam. I am so nervous that I can already feel my stomach creeping up into my throat. I am nervous because 1) Last time I went I was turned away at the frickin front desk, and 2) Even after I am actually admitted this time...now I would REALLY have to worry about the test itself and it's contents. I have been reading different viewpoints online from individuals who have taken the Test, and the general consensus is that it is really difficult. I have been studying and reviewing every single day, but who knows what question may throw me off. And the worse part is, in between all this bullshit i've been going through merely to earn a piece of paper which says that I may practice occupational therapy in the State of New York, I have lost my excitement and passion for this field. At this point, I just want to pass the test, get everything over with, and start making money. I don't even care about being an OT and vouching for my profession anymore. It really sucks.

And I know that before I have stated that I don't mind leading a monotone day-to-day sort of existence, but now its starting to get to me a little. I feel my life has grown to be TOO monotone. My social life is non-existent, i'm unemployed, and I literally do the same shit every single day. Every day for me involves waking up at around 10:00 am, sometimes earlier, eating, going on Twitter, watching reality and crime shows on tv, napping ocassionally, listening to music, studying, watching Primetime and late night shows at night, going to bed...and then repeating the same old thing the next day. It's been a month since i've been to the city (aka the only place I can go to by myself besides the mall)because one round trip train ticket is very expensive and money's tight in my household. I miss it a lot, but there's nothing I can do about it. Until I have an actual job I cannot spend fruitfully, even on a train ticket. It's very depressing, but I always try not to get myself to that state. At least by tuesday i'll know what my next step will and should be.

Sunday, Oct. 2, 2011

Currently: I received my new ATT letter the other day. So now i'm just waiting to re-schedule the test. In the meanwhile I continue to study everyday and take practice tests. There really is nothing more I can do at this point but hope for the best when the time comes. To pass time and in order not to lose my mind, I have also been daydreaming a lot about movies, reality shows, and places i'd like to visit someday. One movie I caught the other day on BET that I have been thinking a lot about is an independent movie called "I do...I did." It was low budget and some of the acting was a bit overdone...but I actually liked it. I was trying to study and watch it at the same time, but it was hard because I was so interested in the movie that my eyes were literally glued to the screen. I have also been adding a lot of new music to my ipod. What I love with my ipod in particular is that the music in it is so diverse. It's got punk rock, alternative, reggaeton, merengue, 90's music, r&b, rap, literally everything! I really like that about mysellf. I always keep an open mind no matter what, and am interested in a diversity of things as opposed to a specific category of things (i.e. "goth," "emo," "hip-hop," "preppy"). I used to be like that, always trying to categorize myself to which "group" I fit into. I was really just trying to find my niche, but in reality it turns out I never really had a niche afterall. I am one of those people that can't be categorized because i'm my own unique person, and I wouldn't trade that for the world...even if it means being a roaming loner. At least I am a loner who knows what she wants. Anyways, my 24th birthday is in a little more than a month. This time around I plan to just hang at my favorite lounge in the city for the night. That beats sitting at home and doing nothing, which is what i've been doing a lot lately. Hopefully by then i'll also have a job so that i'll have something else to celebrate.

Wednesday, Sept. 21, 2011

Currently: SO I went to go take my Boards exam yesterday and was NOT admitted to the site because I didn't have another form of identification with my signature on it...and no I am NOT making this shit up, unfortunately. I know that I was complaining before about not feeling prepared enough for the exam, but since that time I had been studying a lot and my confidence had increased...needless to say, yesterday morning I felt more than ready to take the exam and get it over with. So what's next now? Today I have to go to the Bank and apply for a Savings debit card that could serve as my second form of id with a signature, and Friday I have to apply for yet another Authorization letter. Again, it will take a week for me to receive the new letter, and then I can schedule another test. I couldn't believe it myself when the guy at the front desk said those words to me; "You are not allowed to test." According to him, it is an NBCOT (crooks) rule and not the Prometric site's rules. This is just beyond ridiculous to me. I have a fucking MASTER'S degree and yet I'm lucky if i'll have an actual paying job by my birthday...or by Christmas, even. In the meanwhile, I have to start paying off my loans in fucking November! How the fuck do these people expect me to pay for ANYTHING when I need the fucking exam to get a job in this State...and i'm having a hard time merely being ADMITTED to the fucking exam? And I love how yesterday when I spoke to a rep from NBCOT, the fucking bitch had the nerves to tell me (when I asked her how the hell they expect an unemployed person straight out of Grad School to pay an additional 175 dollars to "reactivate" an ATT letter) that I have to "find a way" to pay them...WHAT FUCKING WAY, LADY? Shit like this is why I never feel bad when the fucking terrorists crash planes through this country's most esteemed buildings, and murder the hell out of American soldiers. Fucking people expect the impossible from others. But this all makes me wonder; Is there something trying to hold me back from become an occupational therapist? I mean, one of my professors repeatedly gave me a hard time while I was a student, then I had a difficult first fieldwork and ended up having to repeat it, now THIS SHIT??? What the fuck is next? In the meanwhile, most of my classmates completed the program and took the Boards and passed it very smoothly...shit, half of them are already working. This is all disappointing to me...i'm a HARD working person, and this shouldn't be happening to me. But then again, when was life EVER fair to me? I think the only positive about this situation, is now I have more time to study...so I better pass this test.

Thursday, Sept. 15, 2011

Currently: I will be taking my Boards exam in T-minus 5 days...and unfortunately, based on my performances on THREE complete practice exams, right now I don't feel that my chances of passing the exam are very high. The most frustrating thing about this is I MUST pass the registration exam before obtaining a job, so no pass equals NO employment! And the worse part is, I already spent over 600 dollars to take this test, so me failing it would literally be like taking 6 Benjamins in the palm of my hand, opening the nearest window, and forcefully throwing them out. And the EVEN WORSE part is if I fail I have to pay EVEN MORE MONEY to retake the exam...when i'm currently UNEMPLOYED to begin with! At this point, I might as well get a job at some office somewhere and call it a day. That test is the epitome of proposterous bullshit all around. I am so upset right now that I don't even want to continue with studying. I have been studying non-stop all week long and am still receiving "quite deficient" service delivery comprehension scores? Something is not right. I don't know what to do or what to think at this point. This is the first time in my life that I feel I legitimately made the wrong decision for my future.

Wednesday, Sept. 7, 2011

Currently: Welcome to the fall season! Good news, I have FINALLY received my Authorization to Test letter and have scheduled my test for the 20th of this month at 10am. I'm pretty nervous, but hopefully the exam itself will not be as painful as I am kind of anticipating. I have been studying my ass off and taking practice test after practice test. Thankfully, I feel like i've been learning a lot from my Review book, so thank you Therapyed! Once I take the test and (very hopefully) pass it, I will then have to apply for State Licensure...which requires me to cough up even more money, and will most likely have to renew my private liability insurance as well. So I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but it will all be worth it once i'm making 50-60,000 a year. In the meanwhile I continue to be generally numb, nothing has changed. Sometimes I think it is better to feel this way than depressed. Because at the end of the day, I am doing my best to survive and make it through life. Yes, being alone does get depressing and quite boring, but at this point I should really be used to it. I am 23 years old, and for most of my life i've had a minimal amount of friends and have never been in an actual relationship...'lonely' is a part of my life at this point. Which is why these days I numbly follow my 'role' in life, the ole routine. But don't cry for me, Argentina...it was meant to be this way. One person that refuses to accept this course in my life is my mother. She still thinks that after all these years I still have a chance of getting married and starting a family...when it's just not going to happen. Trust me, if I knew that there was still a chance for me I would say so, but I know that it's virtually impossible for someone who's been through all that i've been through with the opposite sex and people in general, to all of a sudden find my Prince charming, marry him, and live happily ever after. That's just the way it is. At this point, my sex drive is practically gone. Yes, every once in awhile I get that urge and have to relieve it via masturbation...but even that doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to. When I go out and I see the opposite sex, I feel nothing. I don't even get the urge to say one word to them. And when they talk to me I am disgusted. Anyways, I'm rambling again.

Wednesday, Aug. 31, 2011

Currently: Life has been slightly more interesting since I last updated. I was in my first earthquake AND my first Hurricane last week. Luckily, they were both quite mild compared to other disasters in the country and around the world, so i'm surely not complaining. Believe it or not, since the Hurricane in particular, the weather has been quite breath taking. Unfortunately for some though there continues to be a slew of households that are without power from downed trees. There have also been a couple of deaths and mass flooding in some areas. I really didn't realize how lucky I was until now. Besides that nothing else has been going on. I still have yet to take my test and am still jobless. I am awaiting my authorization letter (STILL again!), so until then my life will continue to be quite monotone. Friday evening i'm going to try to get out for a little bit, especially since I spent all of last weekend at home in preparation for the hurricane. Friday is looking to be a beautiful day, so it will definitely be a good time for me to step out for a little and enjoy my favorite lounge out in the city. As for saturday, i'm not so sure what i'll be doing. Since I will most likely be broke, I will probably end up just going to the mall to browse for a bit.

Wednesday, Aug. 24, 2011

Currently: Since coming back from Cali life has been pretty boring. I have been spending most of my days studying and studying my life away. I sent in my application to take the Boards yesterday. Whenever I can (in other words, whenever I have money) I go out for a little bit...mostly to either the mall or the city to hang out. Other than that, I try to stay occupied by reading a little, watching tv, and going on Twitter. Yup folks, that is all my life has been consisting of as of late. I haven't made any new friends. I was actually thinking the other day about how College gave me more acquaintances than actual friends...which is better than my High School experience, at least. But still. I think life would be a little less boring for me if I had one of those chit chat buddies I could always count on to share a crazy story with me. Such is one of the reasons I became friends with my best friend from High School. She always knew the latest gossip and...just did a lot of crazy shit with herself. We would spend hours talking on the phone and I, for the most part, enjoyed hearing what she had to say. I miss those days. But now she, like I, has downgraded to a boring and uninteresting life. I guess that is the Real World of being an adult. Believe it or not I am actually quite easily amused...so when i'm bored, you know nothing's happening. Oh well.

Tuesday, Aug. 16, 2011

Currently: Back from California and what a blast I had! I stayed at my friend Brittany's in Sacramento for the first night, her husband's aunt's place in San Francisco the second night, and joined in on her family picnic out in the Santa Cruz boardwalk the day after. Needless to say, I really had a great tour guide in Britanny.Haha I love Cali...upon first arriving in Sacramento, (since it is very low key compared to other parts of the state, as I would later find out) it really felt like any other state with palm trees as an added bonus. I enjoyed eating at an authentic Mexican restaurant, but part of me wanted more from this experience...and boy did I get it. When we went to San Francisco the next day, I was in awe of what I saw. It is a beyond beautiful city with a wondrous view. The culture of San Francisco really amazed me too. You have hippies, Asians, Mexicans, and Boho-health nuts, all in one city! The architecture of the buildings also amazed me. I love how the roof to every building slopes downward, and each building is painted in a light, flattering color (including baby blue!). I also enjoyed getting to see the Golden Gate Bridge. Because of this trip, San Francisco has now become my second favorite city...next to NYC, of course. ; ) Going straight from the hustle and bustle of San Francisco to the laid back, beach culture of Santa Cruz made it all the better for me during this trip. The drive over to Santa Cruz was wonderful. I got to get a good look at the Northern California landscape, which is beyond beautiful...and huge! Even the Northern California farmlands put me in awe, and NO farmland has EVER put me in awe before! When we finally arrived at Santa Cruz, I continued to be mesmerized by the beauty of California state. There were palm trees everywhere, and I got an up-close view of the Pacific Ocean. When you're in Santa Cruz, you definitely feel a more laid back and chill sense. It is home to a lot of surfers, as as I saw with the many cars with surfboards on top of them. The boardwalk and small theme park are very well designed. We stayed at the Beach for 2 hours. While there I took some pictures, went in the water a little bit, and just took in the beauty of the entire place. From there, we went over to the downtown area of Santa Cruz, which is very small compared to other downtown areas, but still very beautiful. There were a lot of hippies there as well, but Britanny claimed that those hippies were more laid back than the San Francisco hippies...I do not neccessarily agree with that statement, but I could be wrong. Once we were done in Santa Cruz, we made our way back to Sacramento, wrapped things up, and I was back on a plane the next morning. I bought a lot of souveneirs while there, including snow globes, post cards, clothing items, and magnets. It was an amazing weekend. I am very proud of myself for not letting any fears or paranoia get the best of me, and for forcing myself to do something worthwhile for earning my Master's Degree. And speaking of Master's Degree, I am pleased to inform that I have received my diploma and final transcript! Now I am awaiting an authorization to test letter in the mail...and it should arrive any day now. So I really have nothing to complain about right now.

Last blog entry before California...

So this is my last blog entry before I head way out to California tommorrow. As a matter of fact, once i'm done typing this entry up, i'm going to go take a shower, watch "Jersey Shore" in bed along with a little bit of "the Mo'nique Show" and "the Conan O'Brien show," then going to sleep. I won't be asleep for too long, as i'll have to be up by 3:30-4:00ish am in the morning to get ready as I have to be at the airport by 6:00am to catch my 7:30am flight. So from here on in i'll be a busy girl, but i'm so ridiculously excited to finally be living one of my lifelong dreams. The only thing about this trip that'll probably make me queazy is the amount of planes I will have to take. It's only nerve racking for me because this will be my first time on a plane since I was 5 years old and I had been avoiding traveling by air ever since. So on this, my first time traveling by air in a very long time, I will be on 3, yes 3 different planes! I consider myself brave for this.Haha But no worries, in preparation for the long trip ahead, I have already downloaded a bunch of songs to my ipod...because nothing calms me more than music. So that is it, folks. I'm up and out of here. My next blog entry will probably consist of ramblings of why I love California so much and would probably move there if it weren't for earthquakes! ; ) Goodnight all.

Thursday, Aug. 11, 2011

Currently: I haven't even left for Cali yet and father dearest is already saying that when I get there, Britanny's parents (in the meanwhile, I am NOT EVEN STAYING with her parents!) are going to rape me and then murder me. See what the fuck i'm dealing with and have been dealing with all my life? I fucking hate him! When I used to hang around at home all the time and didn't really have a social life, he used to always taunt me and say that I have no life and no friends, and now that I am trying to get myself out there more and he can't do shit anymore, he's jealous and doesn't know what else to tell me...so of course he's going to try to send negative vibes to my upcoming trip. But no, I have a different plan for HIM! I'm going to throw his negativity right back AT HIS FUCKING FACE! I'm done with him. He can't touch me. I am a Phoenix and will continue to rise. And his diabetes will continue to eat his ass alive. How you like THEM apples??????

Sunday, Aug. 7, 2011

Currently:Today has been hot, hazy, and sluggish...but productive. I got a lot of studying in and think i'm finally *almost* ready to upgrade to the clinical simulation CD-ROM.haha Other than that, i'm pretty excited because in 5 days i'll be California bound! You have no idea how much this trip means to me. I have wondered about California for years now...I think part of it has to do with the time that my bitchy aunt (who also loves California) showed me a live view of a California beach on her laptop. This was awhile ago, but ever since then i've been looking at pictures online and studying California's landscape on television and in movies. As a matter of fact, some of my favorite movies have taken place wholly in Cali like "Crazy/Beautiful" and "Lakeview Terrace." I also notice that most of my favorite musical artists hail from there, like Deftones, Incubus, the Pharcyde, Fergie, Katy Perry, and Korn. It seems like a place full of beauty, freedom, and artistic talent...then again, I could be wrong. But it is good that I am beginning to travel and explore other parts of the country more. As I have previously mentioned, I would also like to eventually get to explore other areas, such as Miami, Florida, Las Vegas, Nevada, Punta Cana, Dominican Republic, and even Negril/Montego Bay, Jamaica! We shall see though. Afterall, once I get back from Cali I will be a busy working gal. ; )

Friday, August 5, 2011

Currently: I never thought i'd say this, but I think I want to give up drinking. Last night in lieu of the 'Jersey Shore' season premiere on MTV I had quite a lot to drink. Now, I didn't throw up or anything and went to bed fine...but then this morning I felt really sick and nauseous and ended up throwing up flegm in my bathtub. I notice this has been happening to me a lot lately whenever i've been drinking; and I used to RARELY get hangovers! I think my body's trying to tell me something. I think this whole drinking every weekend gig of mine is starting to wear my body out to the point where it is beginning to not tolerate alcohol. So because of this, I have decided that I will drink very occasionally as opposed to every weekend. Besides, it's not like i'm in hick-town PA where all there is for me to do is drink, I am at home now and have much better things to do with my free time. I will drink a little tonight just because I still have a bottle in my fridge to get rid of. But after that, there will be no more of this non-sense. Anyways, as for some good news; I looked at my transcript this morning and saw that they FINALLY put in my "pass" grade for my last clinical! So I am officially done with school forever, ladies and gentlemen. Now the Registrar's office can send my transcript to the NBCOT and I can recieve my authorization to test letter and schedule a time to take my Boards! I will most likely take it the week after I come back from California, just to make sure that I have everything down pat.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Currently: This weekend went well. Friday evening I found out that the Rehab Director that interviewed me last week is willing to secure a position for me for September! That was surely a great start to my weekend. That same night I went to one of my favorite lounges out in the city. I had a nice time. For one, I made some sucker 39 year old guy buy me a shot and then abandoned his ass. I also lied to same guy about my nationality and told him I had 3 kids...and he believed me!Haha I love treating guys like the nasty, disgusting dogs that they are. Saturday night was alright as well. I went out to the city again and pretty much just hung around and then hung out with my best friend at an outdoor Bar for about an hour. It was alright. I was also able to re-connect with one of my childhood friends from Elementary School. She randomly added me on facebook and at first I had no idea it was her (since she assigned herself a facebook alias, haha) until I saw her picture. Within minutes of accepting her request, she wrote on my wall and expressed that she would like for myself, her and another former friend of ours to have a reunion of some sort. I don't know if that reunion will ever happen, but it was...interesting hearing from her again. Today was just another laid back and quiet Sunday. I was a good girl and studied for about an hour for my Boards exam. Tommorrow is my second job interview. Although a position is already being secured for me, I am still willing to keep my options open. So I hope that goes well. On tuesday I plan to go to the mall to shop for my Cali trip on the 12th...I still can't believe that I am actually going! I got a text from Britanny on Friday saying that she plans to take me to San Francisco and a place called Santa Cruz...it all sounds unbelievably exciting. So far those are my only plans for this coming week, in addition to continuing to study for the Boards. And that is all for now.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Currently: I forgot that I still need to discuss my little adventure down to the facility that screwed me last year here on this blog. I actually got a not-so weird feeling going there. I went on Monday and for one, it actually rained...a lot. So once I got off the bus, I was too occupied with making sure my umbrella stayed straight and above my head...which it did, thankfully. Once I passed the facility itself it was interesting to see. It still looks exactly the way it did when I worked there last year...and the only familiar faces I saw were that of some of the Janitors and Maintenance men. I saw a lot of new faces...all of which seemed like individuals who would work in the rehab department. So I am guessing from that that they have hired some new people over there. I have an inkling though that that Indian bitch Aisha is still there...she will ALWAYS be there! She knows damn well that no other facility will put up with her piss poor attitude. ANYWAYS, so that's that. I went on my job itnerview a couple of days ago and that went okay...the Rehab Director told me that she would like for me to pass my Boards exam before she makes a working schedule for me...otherwise, she would love to have me there. She also gave me her card so that I could give her a call whenever I schedule and pass my Boards. I have already secured another job interview for this coming Monday (Aug. 1st). The guy that will be interviewing me has already told me that he wants me to pass my Boards first, but is willing to interview me anyways, just to get a feel for who I am and what I can do for his organization. So basically, everything right now is depending on me passing my Boards exam...needless to say, I will start hardcore studying today. I plan to start off studying for only 30 minutes and gradually increasing until I get to 4 hours straight of studying; I was told that doing it this way is a good way of preparing me to take a 4-hour long test (since that is how long the Boards are, supposedly). So things are still going as planned, thankfully. I have decided to expell any sort of negativity in my life for good...so I haven't been speaking to my bitchy, diva aunt Marie (though she has texted me numerous times trying to get in touch with me). She has a very negative aura to her, and i'm sick of having to put up with it. Her and father dearest really deserve to be brother and sister...i'm DONE with both of them! ...And the Phoenix carries on.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Currently: I have landed my first ever job interview as an occupational therapist...and it is scheduled for tommorrow. I am really excited, but really nervous at the same time. See how that goes. If anything, it is good practice for any future interviews I may end up with. In the meanwhile, I was also able to order tickets online for my California trip next month...it's going to be a crazy trip. Just getting to Sacramento will require me to take 3 frickin planes! I have to take one to Chicago, and then another one to Los Angeles, and another straight to Sacramento. And then coming back, I will have to stop in Denver, Colorado for a layover. I am not as nervous about this as I thought, but am still a little bit worried about the amount of planes I will be on for this trip! Either way though, I am glad that things are going as planned.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Currently: I am officially back home and officially a PHOENIX! It feels so great...at this point, nothing can ruin my mood and I feel more motivated to just live life and have fun. Tommorrow I am either going to do my hair and then go visit my favorite place from last year...OR...i'm going for some coffee in the morning and then to the beach! Either way, I am getting my ass out there reguardless. In the meanwhile, i'm going to continue job searching for the remainder of this evening. Let the fun and games begin!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Currently: Today I found out that I officially PASSED my FINAL clinical rotation!! Now all I have to do is play it safe tommorrow and i'm ready to go! I cannot wait...I am so ready to be done that my fingertips are tingling. After work tommorrow (especially if it is a nice day) I plan to sit inside of the local Cathedral and meditate...since I find Catholic churches to be very beautiful. Afterwards, i'm going home to eat, then going to McDonald's for a hot fudge sundae. And then i'm coming back home and having a nice celebratory drink in honor of me officially being crowned as a PHOENIX! I will be moved out of this apartment by Saturday evening...i'm really going to miss my apartment. Because lord knows where I live with my family is not NEARLY as quiet as it is here...but whatever, i'll deal I guess. I'm just ready to move on with my life.

1 MORE DAY TO GO!!!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Currently: Today was good. I presented my inservice topic and it went really well! I also presented the cake I got for everyone, as well as my thank you cards to my supervisor, my Monday supervisor, and everyonelse at the Home. Now I am just waiting to finish off the rest of the week...and by friday evening I will be a self-proclaimed occupational therapist! ...but that is actually not the reason I am blogging tonight. Turns out, I will be able to go to CALIFORNIA next month, afterall! I have a friend who lives there named Britanny (I actually met her as a freshman here at school), and I was hesitant at first to ask her if I could spend some time with her over there, as she had just gotten married and is expecting a baby girl. Well...today she texted me the big news of her finding out the baby's sex and I just had to ask her myself if it would be too much of a burden for me to come over there...and she said not at all! She is actually quite receptive of me going over there to hang out for a couple of days. I have been looking at some plane ticket prices on priceline.com and this trip will DEFINITELY be a lot less expensive than going to Miami...especially since I would have a place to stay in Cali. That, AND I wouldn't be hanging out in an unfamiliar place by myself...AND I get to FINALLY fulfill one of my lifelong dreams of seeing the West Coast! If I would say 'no' to this trip, then i'd be out of my mind! So yes, I am officially California bound. The only down about this trip will be not being able to drink while i'm there (since she's pregnant and all)...but that's okay, i'll probably be so overwhelmed over being in Cali to begin with, that I won't even have time to think about alcohol (as impossible as that seems). I am so happy and excited.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Currently: My final week at the Home officially begins tommorrow! In the meanwhile, I am still hard at work on my upcoming vacation...and while we're on that topic, turns out (semi-expectedly) that Jenn is unable to go afterall due to work and preparing for back to school late next month. But she did invite me to stay in Cleveland (where she is currently living) with her and then we'd go to Niagra Falls (on the Canadian side) together...I really appreciate that she offered this option to me...but c'mon! After everything I have been through, I deserve a vacation BIGGER than boring old Canada!...so, I am going to Miami! Of course, i'd have to go by myself but its alright...as long as I watch my back, everything should be fine. I am so excited. When I get back home i'm going to get my hair and nails done and am going to go to the mall to shop for some hott clothes for my trip. I am also going to go hang out at my favorite club/lounge from back home...it has been so long and I miss that place so much! Oh, and I am also DEFINITELY going to take a nice little walk around the facility I worked at last year to give myself closure and forever diminish that chapter of my life. I cannot wait for sure. All I have to do is get through this week...

Friday, July 15, 2011

Currently: So I am finally approaching my LAST WEEK EVER of being labeled as a student! How does it feel? It feels damn great...but not as great as it will feel when i'll FINALLY be DONE next week! ...and coincidentally, my fieldwork supervisor today just found out that she is pregnant. This may be good or it may be bad for me...she may be in such a great and blooming mood about being pregnant that she'll grade me very generously (though I have been performing well enough), OR the pregnancy hormones will kick in and thus, she'll be a bitch for the entire week. Either way, I am ready; BRING IT ON!!! One thing I hate about this though, is that it leaves me torn over whether or not I should buy something for the baby as a "parting gift"...it's bad enough i'll be spending my money on a huge ass cake for the entire department and have to get my supervisor and her COTA thank you cards...I don't know what to do, really. I'll probably end up buying her a gift for the baby anyways just to show my gratitude. In other news...I called up Time Warner today in reguards to un-installing my internet...luckily, they won't be in to do the job until the day that I leave, meaning I will still have internet for all of next week! That, and my final bill will only be a measely $10. I am so excited to be finished FINALLY! After this, I will get to celebrate like hell and take a victory lap around the facility that screwed me over last year (hell yea, i'm doing that!!!)...and just bask in the glory and fact that I am officially a PHOENIX! Boy, I can't wait for that day.

1 MORE WEEK TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Currently: Last night was boring and today has been boring. Last night I actually got so bored that I decided to go for a long walk around the block and bought some cigarettes (which I shouldn't have done, but it's another way to pass time!) and then I came home and was finally able to watch an episode of "So you think you can dance"...and it was really good. I also decided to join Twitter, which I once vowed NEVER to do! That is exactly what boredome does to me. But I go on there mostly to follow some of my favorite reality tv celebs and musicians...it's not like I have any "real" twitter friends...and don't think i'll really seek some. *shrugs* Anyways, all of today ended up being a mere continuation of last night...minus me sipping on some tropical punch rum. I have been on twitter on and off, went out for a couple of smokes, took the trash out, watched my first episode of "Mob Wives"...which was INSANE! And have just been stuffing my face and chilling out otherwise. Tommorrow starts week 11...as well as the final countdown! *cues music*...doo-doo-doo-doo!...doo-doo-doo-doo-doo!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Currently: It has just hit me that I am missing out on 2011. We are already more than half-way through the year, and between not having a television and being so busy with school, this year is really passing me by (as the Pharcyde would say)and I am just figuring it out now..hmmmmmmmm...I'm thinking right now of all the movies that came out that I wasn't aware of, all the happenings (even here in town) that I couldn't attend...the fact that they are now playing re-runs of "Martin," "Jamie Foxx," and "The Wayans Brothers" on frickin MTV2! It's really depressing to think that 2011 is becoming the most uneventful year of my life when it really didn't have to. And I thank those scum fuckers I worked for last year at my first fieldwork affiliation. If I didn't have to re-do a fieldwork, I would have at least been able to enjoy this summer...but no, I am missing almost the entire summer. I won't be out of town until the end of this month, and that is pretty much the tip of summer, believe it or not. By the time I get to have a real vacation, folks will already be prepping for back to school and labor day weekend. Hell, even that bitch Casey Anthony will have her freedom before me! And I really wanted to enjoy this year...afterall, next year will be 2012. Now, I do not believe that it will REALLY be the end of the world, but I do believe that all of the storms that have been hitting worldwide will continue to get bigger and badder...so the Mayans were right on the money if they were thinking in that neighborhood! Anyways, so yea, I guess i'm just a little upset that I am not able to take as much advantage of this year as I otherwise would have liked to.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Currently: I got some disappointing news last night. I was talking with one of the representatives i've been keeping in touch with to help me find a job and he tells me that he thinks its best that I wait until I have taken and passed my Boards exam to even look for a job...and as much as he makes sense, I do not like that idea. I need to find a job AS SOON AS POSSIBLE not only because of the tough situation at Home (with jackass being sick and all), but also because, as I have stated many times before, it is about time that I actually started earning my own money for a change! I seriously cannot wait another couple of months to start earning real money...that is too long for me and my patience is getting thinner and thinner by the day...so I really don't know what i'm going to do. I am still talking to that Travel therapy company and have even filled out an application form for a school for Special needs children...so I guess I probably will continue with the job search anyways. See how that goes. In the meanwhile, next week is week 11 and I have a lot to do. For one, I have to start prepping for my final presentation which will be the following tuesday. I also have to get in touch with Jenn to make sure she still wants to go to Vegas with me...and if she is, we have some hardcore talking/planning to do. If she doesn't want to still go with me, i'm going to have to figure out whether I should still go to Vegas or somewhere closer to the East coast. I also have to call Time Warner at the end of the week to schedule a time for them to send someone over to (very very sadly) un-install my internet. And then next weekend I have to have a cake made for everyone I worked with at the home along with buying a thank you card for my supervisor and her COTA. It will be so busy next week that I don't think i'll be able to get any studying for the Boards in. Oh well.

2 more weeks to go

Monday, July 4, 2011

Currently: I have decided that I am definitely going to go ahead with mammaplasty (breast reduction) surgery. As I get older, my breasts just keep getting bigger and saggier...not attractive at all. I have also started experiencing upper back and neck pain. I am still unsure as to precisely when to get this done, but ideally I would like to get it done as soon as possible. I was kind of thinking that if I cannot vacation with Jenn for some reason, to just make the reduction my graduation present to myself. At the same time though, I would like to be able to go on vacation AND get the surgery done before I start a full-time position somewhere...but that may be impossible and time-consuming. I will most likely either have to not go on vacation and get the surgery done as soon as I get home and then start working...or go home, go on vacation, start working for a couple of months (or at least until i'm off probation) and then get the surgery done. I have already found a top-notch female plastic surgeon in my area and plan to give her office a call sometime soon. Man, there are so many different options...as Will Ferrell in "Step Brothers" would say; There's so much room for activities!haha Anyways, it is Independence Day here in the states, so happy 4th of July and all that good stuff...

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Currently: You see what happens when you give fucking humans chances? Last night I did that by hanging out with Sam and regret it big time. As previously mentioned, I had deleted her number from my address book but last night SHE happened to text ME wanting to hang out...I was bored out of my mind, so I figured "why not?" Well...I get over there and things are okay at first...I try not to be too friendly/enthusiastic with her as I was still mad over her comments from last weekend. Next thing you know, this bitch starts dropping offensive remarks left and right! Here's a list of just a few of her gems (if I could even remember all of them, as there were SO damn many!):
1) She made racist comments throughout the night. For one, she had the nerves to call rap music "nigger music"...TO MY FACE! And not to mention, saying that I "smell like a black girl." What the fuck does that mean, anyway?
2) She had the nerve to ask me if i'm "boy crazy" and if talking about her many conquests with men make me feel like i'm in middle school...when it is HER who's constantly bringing up all the fraternity boys she ever fucked...and seriously? Boy crazy? I have told that fucking whore NUMEROUS TIMES that I am fucking done and want nothing to do with men, but will listen to her stories anyway because they are quite entertaining. She then has the nerve to follow that up by saying that the fact that I don't like or watch any sports makes me an uninteresting person...REALLY BITCH, REALLY??? Just because she likes sports I have to follow her and not be myself to satisfy her? IDIOT!
3) Again, she frequently made comments about me having no friends and not being able to get any guys...and yet i'm the one "still stuck in middle school"!HA!
4) While on the phone with one of her many fuck buddies she refers to me as a "lesbian"...so I went from being a boy crazy bitch that's stuck in middle school to a lesbian. That makes SO much sense!
5)At one point I had stepped out to get some cigarettes and when I get back she tells me that she had had some all along.

...After awhile I had had enough of this bitch and thought of a get away plan; I would tell her that I was going out to smoke a cigarette and just leave. Well, everytime I would tell her that she would tag along with me. I would then feel bad and think "ok, i'll give her another chance...but if she says one more fucking thing i'm getting the fuck out here"...and then we would go back in and she would say another offensive thing! That cycle just kept continuing of her tagging along to smoke with me, me forgiving her, and her offending me again...until finally I am able to make my escape appropriately. She gets a phone call from her fuck buddy that I mention in #4 above and I jokingly answer acting as if I am her. I say a few silly things to him and he says to me "You are not Sam," and I hang up laughing hysterically. She then comes back into the room and he calls her back. She answers the phone and he's asking her who answered the phone previously...she answers "oh, it was just JB (her nickname to me), but she's a lesbian anyway." It then sounds as if he's kind of mad at her and she says "Fine then, I will," and hangs up; he was mad at her afterall. I ask her if I ruined her night, she answers "kinda." SERIOUSLY? It was a fucking JOKE!!!!! They are seriously going to get all angry and upset over a JOKE???? I can't with those motherfuckers. So I decided then that it was the PERFECT moment for me to make my escape. So I tell her again that i'm going out for a smoke. I slip out the back door and actually start having a smoke...but then it starts to rain a little...fuck. So I rush to finish my cigarette and try to get back inside so my hair wouldn't get wet...well, the back door, which usually opens easily, cannot open at all (a sign from above). So I actually try to call her so that she can open the door for me, but she doesn't answer. So at that point I just leave and run home before it rained any more. As soon as I get home I get a phone call from her and completely ignore it. And that was it. I seriously do not need "friends" like that in my life. Not only is she a racist whore who thinks she's better than me because of her skin color and the fact that she sleeps around (which is not even a reason to think she's better than me), but she's also the type of person who'd rather stay loyal to her dumb fraternity friends who don't even respect her than a true friend like myself. I really don't give a shit about this girl anymore. If she gets an STD or nearly OD's from one of the drugs that some of her dear fraternity friends that she loves oh so much give her...I will not feel sorry for her at all.

I have also decided; fuck that once a week rule from earlier in the year, I am never going on facebook again! Now I will only go on if somebody writes to me...which is kind of rare. I say that because I went on last night after having my already low self-esteem trampled on just to be further depressed by everyone on there bragging about the new job they got, or becoming engaged, or the great friends that they have...I just couldn't take it anymore. So that's that.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Currently: I can't help but remember the time that Jose (the 38 year-old idiot I went out on a "date" with last year) told me that "...maybe you were meant to be with a woman." Just because I "seemed inexperienced" and was defending gay rights lesbianism is in my future? This is why I fucking hate men and never want to touch one again.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Currently: Week 9; finished! And lucky for me, I have Monday off so week 10 is looking to be pretty short. That is about the only "yay" news I have. Things have been pretty chaotic at the Home mostly because we keep getting new admissions and are short-staffed...way to end an already excrutiating fieldwork.Haha Anyways, that is about all I have. Tonight (once i'm done eating) i'm going to drink some of my tropical punch Rum while watching "Basketball Wives" and "The Real World/Road Rules Challenge" and relaxing. I am not even going to try to get in touch with Sam (I actually deleted her number) after what she had the nerves to tell me last weekend. And it will stay this way until I leave this boring town of drunks. Trust.

3 more weeks to go

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Currently: I think that I am finally missing not having a TV after all this time...the BET Awards Show is on tonight and i'm going to miss it! And what I hate with the BET site is that they never post episodes of their shows online. Urgh! So frustrating.

...But on another note, random quote of the night that I really liked and really applies to me; "Being single doesn’t necessarily mean you’re available. Sometimes you've been hurt too much you put up a, “Do Not Disturb” sign on your heart."...what a perfect quote that sums up my life! Anyways...

Going to call it a night soon. I've decided that I am officially starting the job hunt tommorrow evening. Wish me luck, all! G'night.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Currently: As of today I am officially done with ALL people! Fuck friendship and relationships, unfortunately those two words DO NOT exist in my life. I have come to this conclusion after a conversation I had last night with Sam, who had the nerve to tell me that she started hanging out with me "...because it seemed like no one else wanted to hang out with you," and then added that she became my friend "...because after awhile I just got used to hanging out with you." ...Who fucking says that to their friends? And what makes her think that I actually CARE that no one from the sorority talks to me? I don't give two shits! So hearing that from her definitely drew the nail into the coffin of my relationship with humans. I'm just so tired of being disappointed and screwed over by people. You know I also had another so-called "friend" of mine who got married last month and I sent her a card since I couldn't physically be at the wedding (since she lives all the way in California), and she didn't send me a "thank you" or even tell me whether or not she received the card...so I wrote to her on facebook asking if she received it and she never answered me! How fucking rude is that? Like I said, DONE!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Currently: Today was a crazy ending to week 8. For one, I had to help transfer a dead weight stroke patient to the toilet this morning and she ended up pooping allover my Supervisor's pants and shoes!...I'm not going to lie, it was kind of funny. But what also got me nervous with this transfer was then having to get her BACK to her chair. At that point it was just me and one of the CNA's (because my Supervisor had run home to change at that point)and she (the CNA) just looks at me and says "WE are going to put her back in her chair"...she expected me to transfer a dead weight stroke patient who required even more than 2 people to transfer her back to her chair. As scared as I was to do this, I literally held my breath, thought to myself "whatever you do, DO NOT drop this lady!" and just went for it. I swear, that was one of the scariest moments of my life. I kind of cried inside, i'm not going to lie. And on top of that, I had another patient who went out to the hospital because his stump (he's an amputee) started bleeding uncontrollably, and then another patient who was sick and throwing up all morning. Again, WHAT A DAY! And might I say too that the girl from my class who started the job at my fieldwork facility is already getting on my damn nerves (like I expected)? For one, I fucking HATE the fact that she continually feels the need to remind me that i'm STILL a student...like I don't need anymore reminders! And the crazy part is, this bitch knows my story and why I ended up having to re-do another fieldwork...and YET she does this shit to me? This afternoon in particular, she has the nerves to tell me in a snarky manner "oh wow, looks like you're going to be stuck doing nothing until Sarah (my supervisor) comes back since you're a student and all..."...THAT BITCH! I swear, if I had a dollar for the amount of times in my life that I had to hold back from punching a bitch in the face, i'd be a multi-millionaire! Very needless to say, I need a damn drink...and am going to get one...NOW!

4 more weeks to go (not even excited about it anymore)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Currently: Lately I have been remniscing a lot about the fun moments of my childhood. My childhood surely wasn't ideal, but it had it's good moments. As a matter of fact, I had more fun during my elementary school days (namely grades 4-6) than my High School days! It is so weird. Namely, I had a really close friend who ended up becoming a back-stabbing, popularity-starved bitch, but we had our good times. We were practically like sisters. I remember I used to go to her house almost every day after school and we would play outside, order pizza, play video games, watch movies, and re-enact some of the movies that we watched. One of my favorites of our 're-enactments' was when we watched 'Romeo and Juliet' (the 1996 version) and were so upset by the ending that we decided to go up in her room and repeatedly re-enacted the end scene where Juliet discovers Romeo dead and offs herself. Believe it or not, I was really into acting and drama in those days (and still am in a way) and was even in the drama club! So I always thoroughly enjoyed our little re-enactments. But one memory of her and I's friendship that i've been remembering a lot lately is the time I spent Christmas Day with her and her family (because it was surely more fun than Christmas day at my house, that's for sure) and her dad got her this really cool Karaoke kit that came with a casette that included the song "Hot Hot Hot" by Arrow. I remember her and I sang a couple songs and then we made her father sing and he chose that song. He sang it so horrendously that we decided to sing along with him and ended up butchering the song even more.Haha So now whenever I randomly hear that song anywhere, I remember Christmas morning at my childhood friend's house and her father completely butchering that song. As a matter of fact, I heard the song about a week ago while I was at a Bar and that exact thought came to mind. It may be a cheesy song, but believe it or not it brings me back to the good 'ole days (damn I feel old saying that). As corny as it sounds, I have also been remniscing about when my brother and I used to watch our "Barney and Friends" VHS and seeing one of the child actors from that show about a year after on the Nickelodeon show "Salute your shorts." It got me kind of wondering whatever happened to that kid and if he ended up making the same decision with his career as the rapper Drake (who started out on the kiddie show 'Degrassi'). Random and corny, I know. But for some reason I find some comfort and fun in nostalgia. Maybe i'll grow out of it once I actually get a life.Haha And speaking of my current life as I know it...it still is what it is. I feel like fieldwork is dragging and it's driving me insane, but of course I continue on anyways. I really wish it were week 11 going into week 12 instead of week 8 going into week 9 though, ugh! ...See what I mean? So unbearable.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Currently: Week 8, here I come!

But in other unrelated topics, ever have one of those days where you can just foresee your future? That is me this evening. I don't know why my mind has gone all somber on me, but it all started on the bus ride home when I kept thinking how corny (but kind of cute) it is that my brother has this dorky little obsession with the Nickelodeon show iCarly. I then started thinking about the fact that he's going to need me and or my mom for the rest of his life...and then I started thinking about what my own future will be like. Since I have very few friends, I see myself being generally a loner and continuing to make my usual trips to the city and anywhere else by myself. I also (for some reason) see myself never really leaving the House I grew up in...as much as I would like to leave that place and some of the horrid memories I have there. I see myself reguardless just staying there with my mother and brother and still having my mom stay downstairs late at night to open the door for me whenever I step out to the Bar/club for a little bit...like i've been doing. And I just have a feeling that as much as I would like to travel to a plethora of different places, that my only real trip will be the one i'll be taking at the end of this summer (because I WILL force myself to go on that one!) because i'm such a chicken and hate airplanes. I don't think i'll ever get married or have children. I'm not being pessimistic, i'm being realistic. I also don't think I will ever have a real boyfriend. That is why I have given up on love and the male species altogether. But hey, at least i'll be making an alright amount of money and will be able to support my family financially. That is one thing I would like to do...to die knowing that I helped the people that needed me the most. Again, I am not being down on myself or negative...this is an all too realistic look into my future. I figured too that I might as well face my future now so that I know what to expect. And that is all.

In the meanwhile, I really would like to start drinking some vodka, but because I have this horrid sore throat from battling allergies for two straight weeks, I am afraid to because I know that vodka burns the throat as it is and would probably REALLY burn it!...Well, i'll give it a try anyway. If anybody hears a yelp from abroad it is me reeling from having burned my throat with vodka.

5 more weeks to go!!! (still feels like a lot)

Monday, June 13, 2011

Currently: Tommorrow one of my former classmates will be starting a full-time position at the facility I am currently completing my fieldwork. It is going to be so hard seeing someone doing something with their lives that I should be doing. I mean, this girl will actually be getting paid and technically could even serve as my supervisor if my real one isn't around. In the meanwhile, we started and technically finished school at the same time. I should be getting a full-time, paying job right now, I should have all the priviliges that this girl will have over me. Life is so unfair. Then again, it is unfair to a lot of individuals. Another girl whom I went to school with recently died in a horrible yacht explosion. And as far as I saw, she seemed like a very nice, very pleasant person. She certainly didn't deserve to die in such a way. It just got me thinking a little. I have been in this philosophical mode all evening. Anyways, not really looking forward to seeing this girl tommorrow, but shall charge on with my day anyways. I will be seeing her the remainder of my time there anyways, so might as well suck it up now. Oh boy. I can't wait for this to all be over.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Currently: Last night wasn't bad. I got to step out for a little bit and even bumped into one of my co-workers and got to hang out with her. That was fun. Today has been pretty quiet. All I really did was wake up, eat, shower, step out to the library to type my resume, eat some more, and hang out. And now for some reason I am really tired all of a sudden...it is probably due to boredome. So I think i'm going to go call it a night soon. Tommorrow starts week 7! Let's hope it flies by.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Currently: Woo, I survived Midterms!!! I went over my midterm report with my supervisor and I scored really well and she said that I am on the right track for the next 6 weeks! I am very happy and excited about this and so ready to move on with my life. This week I also completed my Resume...now all I have to do is type it.haha Once i'm done with that (which will probably be by tommorrow), i'm probably going to send a copy to Sarah at the Travel company I have been talking to. And of course, I am also plannng my celebration vacation! As a matter of fact, my friend Jenn (who I plan on vacationing with) is up here this weekend for her little Sister's wedding and I was able to see her last night and talk with her a little about what she would like to do and what we should do...and pretty much, we both can't make up our minds of whether we should go to Vegas or Miami. We were both thinking that Miami is closer to us and (probably) cheaper, especially if we shorten our trip...but then we still would like to go to Vegas because...it's Vegas! Ugh! Decisions, decisions...But yes, I am feeling mighty happy and today will be a good day!

6 more weeks to go! (ow, ow!)

Friday, June 4, 2011

Currently: Week 5...over and done! You know what that means? This upcoming week will be midterms week! Midterms week! I'm so excited. I'm just so glad to be almost half way done with this bullshit. Of course i'm also a little paranoid that my supervisor will pull some shit out of her ass out of nowhere and for no reason...but for now, I am expecting a pretty good midterm report. I mean, I am treating 9 patients a day now. For midterms that is pretty damn impressive! We shall see. My supervisor said that she should have the report ready for me by wednesday, so we shall see. Other than that, nothing else to report. I have been looking forward a lot to vacationing somewhere once I officially earn my Masters. I have been thinking mostly of Las Vegas...but you never know. Bottom line either way is for this shit to end as quickly and painlessly as possible.

7 more weeks to go!!!!

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Currently: I just found the 1996 version of "Romeo and Juliet" on You Tube! That makes me very happy. Nothing better than a young, wet Leonardo DiCaprio. *yum*

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Currently: Week 4; over and done! Here we go week 5, here we go! *clap*clap* All continues to go well. I asked my supervisor yesterday how I was doing and she said i'm doing just fine. So i'm still trucking, yall! You really have no idea how much I am looking forward to FINALLY being able to celebrate and go on a real vacation for once! They say that occupational therapists are always the ones who are getting pregnant and taking vacations...well, I may not ever get pregnant, but I sure as hell will be taking vacations!Haha In the meanwhile, this weekend has been pretty boring, mostly because my friend Sam is out of town for the weekend. Last night I drank some vodka by myself in my apartment and ended up falling asleep in front of my laptop and not waking up until 3 in the morning (dejavu, anyone?). And I was going to run some errands today, but was so tired and lazy-feeling...I just slept all day. And now after a nice spaghetti dinner, i'm going to resume my vodka drinking from last night. I always try my best to keep myself amused.

8 more weeks to go!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Currently: Today was supposed to be the end of the world, but turned out to be the nicest day we had here all week!Haha I love easily-brainwashed Christian maniacs. Anyways, week 4 is fast approaching. All continues to go well and I am grateful for that. But in the meanwhile my social life has expectedly taken a nose-dive. As a matter of fact, last night my friend Sam invited me out to the Bars with her and another sorority sister, but I was so tired and worn out from working all week that I declined and settled for staying home and sipping on some vodka instead...and then I passed out in front of my laptop.Haha By the time I woke up it was already 3 in the morning! Anyways, it looks like her and I may be able to go out tonight so all has not been lost! And that is about it. Have a great weekend and Happy Rapture everybody! (LMFAO!!!!)

9 more weeks to go (i'm in the single digits now! Hell yea!)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Currently: Earlier tonight I wanted to watch a movie...but my DVD player decided to stop working. And now, I want to get up, charge my phone, brush my teeth, and eventually go to bed...but it is so godamned cold in this apartment that I am practically glued to my couch. FUCK-MY-LIFE!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Currently: I am now entering week 3. As fast as these weeks are flying by I still feel like they are dragging, as I want to get this fieldwork bullshit over with! But things are still going pretty well. I am now treating my supervisor's entire caseload. I have also started writing notes and plan of care updates on a couple of the patients and performing and documenting evaluations with my supervisor. I have also started putting together my resume. For one, I was able to get a hold of my previous fieldwork supervisor to write me a reference letter. And seeing how things are going so well so far at this facility, I will also most likely be able to get a good reference from my current supervisor. So that's that. And today's just another sluggish, gloomy Sunday...so I will most likely be in bed/studying all day. Lucky for me, I got all that I needed to get done yesterday leaving no real chores for me today...besides maybe straightening my hair, but that shouldn't take long.


10 more weeks to go

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Currently: Yesterday I walked in my Masters Degree ceremony. So now all I have to do is finish up with this fieldwork all the while putting together a legit resume, and that is it for me! I will be done done done!!! AH! Fieldwork is going very well so far, though. Everyone is pleasant and laid back and my supervisor has told me that I am doing so well that she expects that I will be handling the entire case load by midterms! That's definitely a relief. In the meanwhile, at least I have a little more time to be immature.Haha For the summer i'll only have my friend Sam in town to hang out with, but she's an interesting little character, so I project we shall have our adventures in the future. Friday night for one was pretty hilarious. We decided to hang at a frat house (eventhough we are both over 21) for the night. I had sips of some crazy mysterious drink the brothers made called a "yuka"...and let me tell you, it put me out.Haha By the time I got home I was talking nonsense and could barely see in front of me (not good signs)...and my mother was there too!Ha! How embarassing. Of course I end up puking later on in the night as my mom's lecturing me on why alcohol is poison.Haha Graduation morning was quite rough too. I could barely get out of bed and had to force myself...and then I puked again. I can't believe I still made it to the ceremony! But during the ceremony I did feel a little bit lightheaded and kept falling asleep. All was good by the end of yesterday though. Sam and some other friends of mine invited me out again, but I had to decline because I was still feeling a little weak. And today was pretty laid back. My mom and I just hung out around my apartment all day with Pandora on rotation. And she cooked for me. It was nice. She is leaving for home soon, but I am happy she at least got to see me walk in the graduation ceremony...eventhough I didn't REALLY graduate! But I do what I can. Anyways, another busy week awaits me. The countdown begins!

11 weeks to go

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Currently: Tommorrow's the big day; my first day of my very last fieldwork and the very last thing I have to do before I FINALLY earn my Master's degree! I'm looking forward to getting the next couple months over with. And believe it or not i'm really not that nervous...then again, I shouldn't be, as this is the third time i've ever had to do a fieldwork. I should have everything downpat. First days are usually the "easy" days anyway. Anyways, other than that I have nothing else exciting coming up. This weekend wasn't bad. Saturday I was at the Beach practically all day (first with my class and then again with my sorority) and it was actually very nice. I never realized how nice and tranquil the Beach really is. It's like when you're there you have this sense of inner peace. So I will definitely be making more frequent trips to the Beach in the future. And that was the highlight of my entire weekend, really. I didn't really go out to any Bars or clubs...then again, the only times I even do that anymore is whenever Jenn visits. Oh, and about the weird dreams I was having when I first moved here; for the most part they have stopped, but every once in awhile I have a creepy/freaky one. Some dreams are so bizarre that I try my best to erase them from my memory. But thankfully they are slowly but surely going away. I don't really know what else to say so I guess i'll just call it a night.

Thursday, Apr. 28, 2011

Currently: Today was my last day of having to take a class EVER! I breezed through that joke of a presentation and now i'm DONE, folks. Just have one little hurdle to get over and i'm good to go. As a matter of fact, one of my occupational therapy classmates/friend has hooked me up with a representative from a Travel therapy company. I spoke to her today (her name's Sarah, by the way) and Travel therapy actually sounds like something I could get into. Lord knows I at times can't stand being in my actual home. I'm actually thinking about seeing if Sarah could maybe find me a place to work in Boston or Washington DC. That way I could live in a city other than the one i'm from, but still be close enough to home just in case. I shall see. Right now I am just talking to her and getting my feet wet (or is it warm?), so i'm not going to jump into any crazy conclusions. I am excited though that i'm already talking to a representative and i'm not even all the way finished with school yet.Haha I guess that is the one thing that is good about being an occupational therapy major; once you are done, you find jobs easy!

Tuesday, Apr. 26, 2011

Currently: I begin frustrating Fieldwork take 3 next week. I have been praying to God, Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Dalai Lama, Zeus, Confucius, and any other higher power that this goes well for me. I just want to FINALLY BE DONE!!!! At this point I feel like I have been in school forever and have prepared for over 1,000 fieldworks! At this point i'm like a fieldwork master with the amount of experience i've had! But I have spoken to my supervisor Sara twice now and she seems alright. From what i've heard she is quiet like me...so that should be interesting. In the meanwhile, the rest of this week is going to be a joke, pretty much. I have one more joke in-class presentation on thursday but don't even care about it. I'm pretty much going to wing that one. The weekend should be nice and laid back too. And then i'll be working my ass off and not getting paid for it until the end of July. Anyone want to switch lives with me?

Sunday, Apr. 17, 2011

Currently: Still alive.Haha This weekend wasn't bad. Jenn stayed over for a little bit and we were able to celebrate Sam's 21st, as well as attend Formal on saturday. Formal this year, I would say, was not as fun as my very first Formal with the sorority, but it was nice and laid back so it wasn't so bad. I've been trying lately to not be as much of a tight ass about talking to people and it has been going well. I made sure to keep that in mind whenever Jenn and I attended Marlena (her other little's) Bridal shower today. And i'm not going to lie, I really wish i'd have given some of my sorority sisters more of a chance than I afforded them. But what can you do? Unfortunately for me it is too late, as this is my final semester ever at this University. And while we are on that topic, I can't help but note that my third and very last fieldwork is approaching A LOT FASTER than I expected! In a way I am very happy that my wish from the beginning of this year is coming true, but at the same time I am a little nervous. I just want to prove to myself most importantly that I can do this, and I can be a good practitioner. We shall see. For now, I really need to get to bed soon, as a long week of school work and preparation awaits me. Oh boy.

Future events:
Easter Break
LAST LECTURE CLASS EVER!
Sorority Beach Party(?)
First day of Fieldwork
Graduation ceremony

...oh boy again. : /

Monday, Apr. 11, 2011

Currently: I am practically done with all but two classes. So this is what this week is looking like for me; tommorrow i'm heading out to the mall to buy a dress for formal, wednesday I'm spending a majority of the day prepping for "Lunch with the Scholars" on friday, but also finishing up my professional development portfolio and going grocery shopping, thursday I am turning in my portfolio, washing my hair, and hope to be getting my eyebrows waxed on that day as well, and then on friday I have "Lunch with the Scholars" from 11:00 to 1:00 and the rest of that day is free! And then on Saturday I have to be at the Autism Walk for class in the morning and then have Formal in the evening. So pretty much, this week is going to be so laid back that I won't know what to do with myself...I love it! I've decided to use all this free time I have to plan my Vegas (or California) trip over the summer. I've already been looking at some prices on Priceline.com and Orbitz.com and things are looking alright so far based on how much money I am saving up. I shall see.

Thursday, Apr. 7, 2011

Currently: I'm not one for wishing my life away, but...for some reason today I want time to go by really fast...and then slow down again once i'm in Vegas...or California...or Miami!haha I'd atleast like for it to be friday (tommorrow) night. That's a start, right?
P.S. My group and I did very well on our Thesis defense yesterday. Now all we have to do is get tommorrow's big presentation done and over with, and i'm practically done with this semester! That's one thing for me to smile about. That, and the fact that i'll most likely be earning my first ever (as well as my last) 4.0 grade point average this semester.

Monday, Apr. 4, 2011

Currently: So I have been thinking since about yesterday of taking a nice little trip somewhere in the West coast sometime in the summer to celebrate ALL my hard work and blood, sweat, and tears. I particularly would like to go to Las Vegas and have already approached my friend Jenn about going with me and she is VERY down for it. So I am hoping that that works out. She called me yesterday shortly after I had texted her about possibly coming with me, and she's already looking at prices, where we could stay, and what we could do while there. Haha! She's really getting on it...I like the way she thinks! Hopefully by around August (which is when we would like to go), she'll be able to afford the trip. I mean, I have $1,000 being saved for me for my West coast excursion but don't know how much of it can cover me AND her...so I really do hope that by then she'll be able to afford to pay at least half of the trip's expenses for herself. Otherwise, if she is absolutely unable to go, I plan on meeting up with my friend Britanny in California. Either way, I MUST get out there this summer once fieldwork is over. See how that all works out. In the meanwhile, I have to present my Thesis TWICE this week. Once on wednesday to defend it, and then myself and my group have to present again on friday to our colleagues in the occupational therapy department. And then next week I have one presentation; my "Lunch with the scholars" presentation. Oh yea, and I have decided to go to Formal afterall, since Jenn and Sam WOULD NOT stop begging me! Oh boy. Hopefully, it will be a good time. So in a nutshell, i've got a lot going on before I could truly celebrate rising out of the ashes of last summer like a Phoenix...and my fingers are crossed always.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Currently: Besides finishing off my last semester EVER of having to take classes, nothing else has been going on. The other day I rented 'Takers' just because I just HAD to see that movie again, especially with Jay Hernandez's muscles and Paul Walker's butt both making special appearances. ; ) I watched that last night and returned the movie this afternoon...and then rented another movie, 'Precious,' which i'll be watching tommorrow night. Oh, and I also was able to speak to my fieldwork supervisor for the summer. Turns out she's some 24 year old who graduated from my school two years ago...so she probably knows who I am. I'm not underestimating the girl or anything, but knowing that DEFINITELY eases some of my tension a bit. She also told me that I could wear scrubs if I want...and I think i'm going to do that. Just because I like not having to think about what I have to wear every single day...and I think scrubs are kind of cool. : ) Go ahead, call me a dork. I don't give a fuck. Anyways, besides all of that there's really nothing else for me to look forward to as graduation approaches. Well actually...my friend Sam and some other sorority sisters want really bad for me to come to Formal...and I don't really know about that. A part of me wants to go just so that I can drink all night at the venue AND at the Bar (since Sam's turning 21 that same night), but I also have to think about whether or not i'll be able to afford tickets on top of drinks. That, plus the fact that I don't even really have a dress to wear for it...I do have a dress I wore a year ago to one of my sorority sister's weddings...but it's not exactly 'formal' material. Anyways, I digress. See what happens, I guess. Jenn is also talking about *possibly* making her (supposedly hot) younger brother be my formal date. I REALLY doubt that's going to happen, but if he does happen to say yes, i'm down for the party! ; )

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Currently: This past weekend was by far my favorite so far of this entire self-improving year. I pretty much went from a girl with bitchy/sassy tendencies, to a CERTIFIED bitch/sassy girl. Let me get to it...so first on thursday night, which was St. Patrick's day, I didn't go to any parties or Bars but I did hang out for quite a few hours with one of my few sorority friends at her apartment. Her little was also there with her boyfriend. At first we sat around and had some Beers all the while watching one of those "American Pie" movies. But after awhile, as expected, our conversations got more and more raunchy...and next thing I know my friend Sam sends me a picture of her little's boyfriend's one-eyed monster. So from there we start talking about strap-ons and Sam whips out hers that her ex-boyfriend gave her (WHY he would do that, I REALLY would rather not know!). So I take it out and start playing with it...then I put it on. I notice that TJ (that would be Sam's little's boyfriend) is in the corner doubled over in laughter. So just to make things EVEN MORE awkward for the Lad, I go over and start teasing him with the strap on...I then get on top of him and pounce all the while rubbing the penis on his face. At this point Sam and her little (her name's Kayleigh, by the way) take pictures of the entire thing. I then quietly sit down and play with Sam's cat to compensate.haha. After awhile we decide to go for a little walk. At this point my feet start killing me and it is then that I decide (especially since they were about to head out to a frat party and I am too old for that junk) to go home. The next day, friday that is, Jenn arrives from out of town. Since that same night was initiation night, I was invited to a dinner our tree was having in honor of our new addition, a girl named Bethany. Oh so coincidentally, both Sam AND Jenn are in my tree (they are actually big and little)so I was able to meet up with them again. I actually go to Sam's place first and from there she drives myself and other girls from our tree over to Applebee's where we meet up with Jenn. For some reason at that point I was just an angry drunk (I had started drinking before I headed out to Sam's). For one, I was cussing like a sailor in front of a family that was sitting by us who had a couple of children. I would also say smarky things like "boring!" and "boooo!" whenever someone would mention another sorority sister whom I wasn't fond of. It was actually quite funny. After awhile though I get more pleasant. From there we go back to Sam's where our tree participates in a little game called "never have I ever" (which is like a ritual for our tree after every initiation). It went pretty well over all, but the only parts I remember were when Sam confessed to having her clitoris pierced and playing with her cat a lot (I love that little guy). So after that Jenn and I venture out to the Bar to meet up with other "older" sisters. Since half of those were girls I didn't even like, I said my hi's and went dancing. Afterwards Jenn tells me that Steve (her "guy" whom I had a little bit of a crush on and whose lap I spent quality time on last time Jenn visited)was meeting up with us. Naturally, I didn't want him coming back to hang out with us not only because I have some feelings for him and may lose control again, but also because I just don't like the way he treats her in general and think that he plays a lot of mind games. But of course she does not listen to me and has him over at my place anyway. And that is where the controversy of the weekend begins. For one, I let him know once again that I am not happy with him and don't feel like he's a real straight forward person. To ease the tension between he and I a bit, Jenn decides that it would be a good idea to play "Truth or Dare" and "Spin the bottle" (which was actually my idea, but we'll get to that part later). Amongst the "dares" included Steve pulling his pants down and exposing his ass cheeks in front of my door, me kissing Steve's pant leg (which was a whack dare, not going to lie), and Jenn rubbing her genitals (with pants still on) on Steve's face...of course I came up with all the fun dares. So after awhile, we switch from that to "spin the bottle." I'm a little weary about kissing both Jenn and Steve, so at first whenever I get any one of them I kind of just kiss them lightly on the cheek...and then lightly on the mouth...and the next thing you know, i'm having legit makeout sessions with both of them. Jenn later goes on to say that it looked as if I was REALLY enjoying my makeout sessions with Steve, which...er...I kinda was. But the loving doesn't last very long, cause next thing you know we're playing "Truth or Dare" again and Jenn starts asking Steve questions about how he feels about her and where he feels their relationship is headed. Now, for some reason (most likely the alcohol in my system) I really don't remember how I get from sitting on the floor in between Jenn and Steve to sitting on my couch next to Steve, but that is where I end up and at this point I am increasingly frustrated with him. I also forget what is it Jenn says that sparks this anger within me, but she says something to Steve and next thing I know I just slap him as hard as I can square across his face. The look of shock on his face was priceless. And oddly enough he remains next to me on the couch. Afterwards Jenn mentions something about him being more into blondes and once again the anger within me comes back and at this point I tell him "Then what are you doing here? Neither I nor Jenn are blonde. If you think you are too good for us, then get the fuck out!"Haha So he gets up all sad like and is like "If she wants me to leave i'll just go then" and starts putting his coat and shoes on. And of course Jenn's all like "oh no, please don't leave, she was only kidding..." So he sits down and I sit on his lap (and ONLY I would sit on a guy's lap after slapping and yelling at him) and I forget where the conversation between the three of us go from there, but next thing I know Steve gets up and leaves and Jenn follows him. She then comes back inside, tells me about the conversation that they had...which I don't even remember, and we both go to bed. That was all friday night. Saturday morning I then get up early and go to lab (yes I have lab on saturdays, bleh)and then after lab I go to the library for a couple of hours to do some Thesis work. Afterwards I come back to the apartment and make some lunch for myself (since Jenn had already eaten lunch with her Big), all the while watching "Stop Loss." After I eat we decide to go out for a wine run. We each get one bottle, come back to my apartment and put on "Crazy/Beautiful" as I drink some of my leftover Nikolai vodka. Throughout Saturday (most likely because of Steve) Jenn was real somber and didn't really have much to say...and whenever she did talk it was about him. No offense but it was actually kind of pitiful how she let a stupid ass man ruin her weekend the way she did. But I digress. He surely didn't ruin MY weekend. So once the movie's over we head out to a house party thrown by one of the Pike brothers to meet up with Jenn's other little Marlena. Since that party(expectedly) turned out to be lame, Jenn and I decided to go to the Bar. While there we dance a little and Jenn seems to be lightening up a little more. I then go out for a smoke break. Since I haven't been buying cigarettes of my own lately, I bummed one off of a guy named Nick. From there he and I start to tease each other a bit and I purposely make bitchy comments to him (just because I hate men, although I appreciate when they give me cigarettes). I also blow smoke in his face a couple times.Haha But it was all in good fun. At one point he picks me up and tries to take me away to some other party he was going to...and of course I fight him off. He then goes on to remark how much he loves and enjoys my "fiesty" attitude. I don't take him seriously at first until his friend takes me to the side and says that he genuinely likes and is attracted to me and is not trying to play any games...and for some reason at that point I start to believe him. So he and I kiss...and let me tell you, he was an AMAZING kisser! Even better than Jenn and Steve combined (though both were pretty decent). And of course I get him to buy me and Jenn some shots. After awhile Jenn grows tired of his friend trying to hit on her and suggests that we leave. So I say goodbye to Nick, get his number, and we go on our merry way. We have a little bit of a heart to heart reguarding Steve and men in general while in her car. And of course at this point she gets somber again. We grab something to eat, hang out and talk for a bit, then go to bed. The next morning I skip out early again to meet with my Thesis group. Before I leave I say my goodbyes to Jenn, give her a hug and a "thank you" and blah, blah, blah...and off I went. All day that day I was SO ridiculously sluggish. At one point, myself and some of my thesis group members decide to step out to walk our professor's dog (since she had left one of the girls responsible for dog sitting for the weekend) and I couldn't even do THAT, and just decided to stay in the car to have a little bit of shut eye. It was bad. But at least I got some work done for our group. I was even able to provide some feedback whenever Megan (one of the girls) had a question. I finally got back home at around 7:30 pm. And that was this past weekend. Hey, I consider it a sucess because a) I treated two men like shit, b) I made out with three people in one weekend, which is a first for me, and c) I finally proved to myself that I CAN put my foot down and stand up for the things that I believe in. So all in all, mission: Girl Power ACCOMPLISHED! : D