A Rant on...my life lately

Hello all...or whoever's reading this. Just updating to announce that yes, I am still alive, fighting, and dealing with my depression to the best of my ability. How am I doing this, one may ask? Well, I basically try to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to think about anything. As a matter of fact, tommorrow evening I am attending a Deftones concert. I am very happy about this concert, as this band was basically my best friend in my High School years. I didn't hang out with a lot of people and was almost always at home...so my only companion was my music, and I listened to a lot of Deftones at the time...so there you go...but that's another story for another time. I have also been keeping myself busy by traveling more. Last year I got to visit one of my favorite places in the world, California, and basically fell in love with the city of San Francisco. And just last month my mother and I took a brief, but very fun trip to Miami...and I have to say, Miami Beach is the greatest beach ever!..I know, I know, I haven't been to many beaches, but so far Miami Beach is at the very top of my list. At the end of next month, I have a trip to Las Vegas planned! I am extremely excited about this trip, as I have always wanted to visit Vegas. Not only that, but my friend from California is meeting up with me over there, so it should REALLY be a good time! And once i'm back from Vegas, I hope to visit Jamaica next...but i'll see about that when the time comes. To keep myself busy and (semi) happy, I have also been going to see Broadway and off Broadway shows.There is one show in particular that I am absolutely in love with...it is called 'Fuerza Bruta.' I first saw this show 2 years ago and went to see it again back in March...or was it April? One of those months. And now i'm going to go see it a third time next weekend. Incidentally, I purchased a single Hotel room all to myself that same night, so not only will I get to enjoy one of my favorite shows ever, I will also get to spend the night in my favorite city in the world (for now)...so yea, next weekend is looking to be beautiful. Other Broadway shows i've seen so far are 'Evita,' 'Jersey Boys,' 'Rent'(which was amazing!!), and 'A Streetcar Named Desire.' For my next show, i'm looking more into the off-Broadway roster, as some of the other high-end Broadway shows don't appeal to me as much. One show i'm looking to see is called 'Naked Boys Singing,' which is about...er...the title speaks for itself!haha I used to have a friend by the name of Jennifer who would accompany me to these shows, but she was unexpectedly rude to me the night we went to see 'Rent'...so yea, I don't talk to her anymore...eventhough she texted me not too long ago asking if i'd go see 'Zarkana' with her...not going to happen, honey. And that's another thing; lately, i've been letting very few people into my life (due to all my past heartaches and disappointments with the human race)...so if you see i'm letting you into my life and you just step on me and think you can speak whichever way with me...that's it. And that's what happened with Jennifer...but that is also another Rant for another time. Anyways, to pass time I have also been doing something that I hadn't done in awhile; reading. It all started when I picked up a book called 'A Shore Thing,' written (or at least narrated) by Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi of 'the Jersey Shore' fame. Believe it or not, it is a cute, witty, and hilarious novel. I enjoyed reading it very much. A couple of months later, I picked up 'The Lucky One' by Nicholas Sparks, same author of 'The Notebook.' I loved that book so much that I basically went on a Nicholas Sparks rampage, reading 'A Walk to Remember,' 'Dear John,' 'The Choice,' and 'The Rescue,' as well. Surely I grew tired of Mr. Sparks' novels and decided to pick up the '50 Shades' trilogy by E.L. James, to see what all the fuss is about...to those of you living under a rock, '50 Shades' is an erotic novel that's been on every housewife's lips lately (those freaks). Right now I am on the second novel of the trilogy, '50 Shades Darker.' The first novel, '50 Shades of Grey' was alright for the most part, but in my opinion, the best part was the ending...but not to worry housewives out there, I will not ruin the novel for you. In my opinion, yes it is a good read...but I wouldn't call it one of those 'addictive' books that you can't put down...unless you are a nympho...in which case, you will THOROUGHLY enjoy this novel. But in my eyes, it is not only an erotic novel, but a love story as well, and the love that the two main characters share is very breath-taking in my opinion...to me, THAT is what makes the '50 Shades' novels good...anyways, i'm going on a too-long tangent on '50 Shades.'haha So that I don't go all 'Hoarders' and end up with a plethora of books in my room, I have purchased a Nook e-reader so that I could download and read all the books that I want. I have already downloaded 1 novel to my Nook...'Gorilla Beach,' which is a sequel to 'A Shore Thing.'Haha...hey, I couldn't help it! But I must finish '50 Shades Darker,' '50 Shades Freed,' and 'The Godfather' (yes, I purchased that novel)before I can start 'Gorilla Beach'...yes, I am that anal. And I guess that covers all that i've been up to. For those wondering, no, I don't plan to retake my NBCOT Boards anytime soon. Truth of the matter is, i've already taken the shit TWICE and failed, and am pretty damn comfortable as an OTA...so why rush? When i'm ready to take the test again, I will...but right now i'm just trying to enjoy my life and make the best of what I do have...even if I am alone in this world.

Dani's Rants: A Rant on...some guy

Ah, here we go again...Fortunately, it has been awhile since I did any kind of rant on a member of the opposite sex. As previously mentioned, my libido is practically gone mostly because I know damn well that if after 24 years nothing has happened, then nothing WILL happen!...But of course, every once in awhile the feelings come back a little...especially if I happen to get a little bit of attention...from an attractive guy. So here's what happened; a couple of days ago I went out to see the movie 'Think Like a Man' with some co-workers...which was really nice for a change. After the movie I was planning on going to Applebee's to hang out a little bit and have a couple (ha!) glasses of wine...my co-workers agreed to go with me, so we all went (it was only about three of us). So we are there just hanging out and our waiter comes up and introduces himself to us...and turns out he is an ex-classmate of mine from High School. Now, when I was in High School me and this guy literally NEVER spoke! For one, we hung out with completely different crowds; he hung out with the loud crowd, and I...well I really didn't have a crowd. And second of all, I wasn't as comfortable with myself as I am now and therefore was extremely shy and on-guard all the time. So again, we saw each other around a lot and I had heard a lot about him but we NEVER spoke. So I see him at Applebees and recognize him right away. He, in the meanwhile, gives me a look like he has seen me before but is too uncomfortable to admit that he perhaps remembers me from High School. But i'm not going to lie, upon first seeing him my eyes lit up a bit...I just looked right at him with that 'hey, how you doin'?' look and he kinda looked down awkwardly in return...he is an attractive guy, i'm not going to lie. He's not very tall, but has a nice slender body and smooth, brown skin. His eyes are kind of slanted (which I find exceptionally sexy on black guys for some reason)and he has a slender, strong neck. For some reason i've begun to find a guy's neck exceptionally sexy...and his neck in particular is insane. I especially love when he talks and you can see his veins smoothly bulging out (he manages to pull THAT off!). So anyways yes, I was checking him out a little bit and I do think he noticed...and liked it. But he was still too bashful and ashamed to admit that he knew me...until I ordered my glass of wine, that is. At that point he asks to see my id and I right away answer "Come on, man YOU should know my age!" It is then that he says "hey, you look familiar...did you and I attend the same High School?"...DING DING DING!!!!! After that, all flowed pretty well. We joked with each other a lot and my co-workers and I ended up tipping him pretty well. One of my co-workers even went as far as saying that I should give him a try and that he seems to like me (she claims that she could tell by the way he nearly ran her over while rushing to bring my food over to me). Well...as i'm handing him his tip, he hands ME a blank receipt with his number on it...I COULD NOT believe it!...and actually, I found it kind of cute how he did it right in front of my co-workers...he was always one of those daring types of guys. Anyways, the following evening I texted him and we actually had a nice conversation. I appreciated the fact that he didn't text me back 1-2 word statements...he actually seemed interested enough in the conversation to text me his complete thoughts. I liked that. I know that at the end of the day, he's a guy with a 'bad boy' history, and as far as I have seen he is not doing much with his life...but apart of me yearns for his attention. Since Monday he hasn't texted me, and I don't want to text him again because I don't want to be the one constantly initiating our conversations...in my opinion, if he's generally interested in me, he has my number now, so he could text me himself! That's how guys operate. If they really and genuinely care about a person or a relationship, then they'll do whatever it takes to have it! I learned that lesson the hard way...Anyways, so he hasn't texted me since and i'm not even about to text him...so basically, if I never hear from him again...then well, that is how it stays. But at the same time a part of me wishes I could hear from him more often...just to know that there's someone out there (a bad boy at that) that wants me. When we texted on Monday he was telling me about his in-between career as a battle rapper and told me about some videos he had posted on You Tube (which he also bragged have received over 1,000 views)...and i'm not going to lie, I have been watching some of his videos. Do I think he tries too hard to portray himself as 'hood'? Yes. Do I feel he should stop hanging out with and acting like ghetto trash? Absolutely. But does that 'image' still turn me on in a way? Guilty. I am especially struck at his intensity whenever he tries to throw an insult at his 'opponent'. I was watching one of his videos, and there's actually a part in it where he gets so heated that he very swiftly takes his cap off ( and again the veins bulge out of his neck, haha)...and i'm not going to lie, at that point I could have sworn that I came on myself...yea. I feel like sometimes I watch his videos to maintain some sort of connection to him somewhow...but NOTHING compares to the real thing...and that is the unfortunate part. Either way, it just amazes me how one cute bad boy handing me his number rearranges my entire week! I hope to put this all behind me...cause realistically, I guy like him and a lady like myself CANNOT date each other. Not only that, but if I never hear from him again, what other choice do I have but to carry on with my boring life?

Dani's Rants part 3: Jason

I have an imaginary boyfriend named Jason. He is 26, from a well-off family in an upscale suburban town. He is also a law student and former lifeguard with a bright future. His zodiac sign is Cancer. He treats me the way I deserve to be treated. He sends me flowers at work when he doesn't have to. He says "I love you" everytime we speak. He isn't ashamed to say that I am his. He posts countless photos of he and I together...a couple in which he is kissing me. He lets me fall asleep in his arms at night. He listens to the hip hop and r&b music that I like...but isn't afraid to throw in a little punk and alternative into the mix. He drives a stick shift and isn't afraid to take me anywhere I want. He takes me to his Cabin Upstate on some weekends so we may both escape from real life and just spend some quality time together. He has never once mentioned his ex-girlfriend eventhough they were together for a long time. He loves his family and will do anything for them...but will still stand up for me if they attempt to trample on my name. I practically live with him eventhough he technically lives with his childhood best friend and I still live at home with my parents. He hates to see me cry or upset. He knows when to be playful and when to be serious. He is not afrraid to think outside the box. He may be imaginary, but it is He that keeps me sane.

Dani's rants part 2: I wish I had your boyfriend

Now this may sound catty and selfish of me...but there's a couple I used to know in College that I can't help but envy. The girl, i'm going to call her "Kelly," was in my sorority and isn't what you would call the typical Media-approved beauty. She's chunky and has nice curly brown hair, but her face is filled with quite a few blemishes and she kind of bares a resemblance to Miss Piggy. Her boyfriend "JC" in the meanwhile is this cute and charming guy. He has boyish looks (which I really like for some reason) and is what you would call the classic gentleman...I guess that comes from being an Eagle Scout. JC seems like the kind of guy that gives his all in a relationship. Kelly always raves about what a great boyfriend he is...and I believe her. I have hung out with Kelly and JC on a couple of occassions and was impressed from the first time I met him. The day I met him, I was sitting at the front seat in one of my other sorority aquaintances car. When he got in I decided I was going to not introduce myself and completely ignore him because I was having one of those days where I didn't want to be bothered by anybody. Usually when I do that to anybody, but especially a guy, the person doesn't bother with me because they know that I do not want to be bothered. JC did just the opposite. He saw that I wasn't in the mood to initiate conversation, so he introduced himself to me on his own with no help from myself or anybodyelse. I was really impressed at that because that showed me that he was at least somewhat genuinely interested in getting to know me. I also got to hang with Kelly and JC during St. Patrick's Day weekend. It was quite a fun time...probably one of those times that i'll never forget. But for some reason, what made it even better was JC being nice to me and treating me with respect. Unlike most guys, throughout our time hanging out JC frequently made conversation with myself and made sure to include me in any of the group activities. At one point he even said I looked good. In another instance we were left alone for a little bit and at that point I was complaining about my feet hurting from the shoes I wore that night...when I did this, he looked at me with genuine concern and urged me to take my shoes off so that my feet wouldn't hurt anymore. Call me crazy, call me corny, but that moment touched me. I saw JC again during Spring Formal and a social gathering my Sorority held at the Beach. Both instances he made sure to greet and talk to me no matter what. During Formal in particular, I had him take a picture of me and my friend Jenn and after he took it he looked at the camera and said "beautiful." He then stayed at our table for quite awhile talking to me...after awhile I had to tell him to not forget his girlfriend at the other table. Also I notice that everytime he and Kelly would pass me somewhere he would have that smile on his face like he was genuinely happy to see me. Last time I got to hang out with him was at a Baseball game, and Kelly and I were joking about what man at the ball park I could take home. I notice as we were joking he seemed kind of...dare I say it...jealous? He didn't laugh at one joke I made about wanting to pick up one particularly attractive guy that was at the game, and then picked out the ugliest guy sitting near us and joked about HIM being my man. And then on our way back home I was talking about wanting to go to Vegas for vacation and he said to me "We should go together, JB." Haha, I really wish I could go anywhere with him...doesn't he sound cute as a button? Who knows, he could just be a really nice guy who genuinely wants to be friends with his girlfriend's friends, but a part of me wishes that he were attracted to me. The only down side to that though would be the fact that i'd be stealing Kelly's boyfriend away from her...and i'm really not that kind of person...besides, Kelly and I always got along. But I must say; she is a lucky girl. They have been dating for a year and some change and I definintely see it going strong. JC's the type of guy that no girl ever would want to let go...kind of like a rare but refreshing flower in a bush of dying weeds. There are days where I wake up and wish that he were my boyfriend. He seems like the type of guy that sends his girlfriends "I love you" texts first thing in the morning...I like that sort of thing! I want to be the girl that falls asleep in his arms while watching a movie...the girl that he takes goofy pictures of as he's kissing me. But Kelly has already won her man and who knows, maybe she deserves him more than I do...or maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Tuesday, Aug. 16, 2011

Currently: Back from California and what a blast I had! I stayed at my friend Brittany's in Sacramento for the first night, her husband's aunt's place in San Francisco the second night, and joined in on her family picnic out in the Santa Cruz boardwalk the day after. Needless to say, I really had a great tour guide in Britanny.Haha I love Cali...upon first arriving in Sacramento, (since it is very low key compared to other parts of the state, as I would later find out) it really felt like any other state with palm trees as an added bonus. I enjoyed eating at an authentic Mexican restaurant, but part of me wanted more from this experience...and boy did I get it. When we went to San Francisco the next day, I was in awe of what I saw. It is a beyond beautiful city with a wondrous view. The culture of San Francisco really amazed me too. You have hippies, Asians, Mexicans, and Boho-health nuts, all in one city! The architecture of the buildings also amazed me. I love how the roof to every building slopes downward, and each building is painted in a light, flattering color (including baby blue!). I also enjoyed getting to see the Golden Gate Bridge. Because of this trip, San Francisco has now become my second favorite city...next to NYC, of course. ; ) Going straight from the hustle and bustle of San Francisco to the laid back, beach culture of Santa Cruz made it all the better for me during this trip. The drive over to Santa Cruz was wonderful. I got to get a good look at the Northern California landscape, which is beyond beautiful...and huge! Even the Northern California farmlands put me in awe, and NO farmland has EVER put me in awe before! When we finally arrived at Santa Cruz, I continued to be mesmerized by the beauty of California state. There were palm trees everywhere, and I got an up-close view of the Pacific Ocean. When you're in Santa Cruz, you definitely feel a more laid back and chill sense. It is home to a lot of surfers, as as I saw with the many cars with surfboards on top of them. The boardwalk and small theme park are very well designed. We stayed at the Beach for 2 hours. While there I took some pictures, went in the water a little bit, and just took in the beauty of the entire place. From there, we went over to the downtown area of Santa Cruz, which is very small compared to other downtown areas, but still very beautiful. There were a lot of hippies there as well, but Britanny claimed that those hippies were more laid back than the San Francisco hippies...I do not neccessarily agree with that statement, but I could be wrong. Once we were done in Santa Cruz, we made our way back to Sacramento, wrapped things up, and I was back on a plane the next morning. I bought a lot of souveneirs while there, including snow globes, post cards, clothing items, and magnets. It was an amazing weekend. I am very proud of myself for not letting any fears or paranoia get the best of me, and for forcing myself to do something worthwhile for earning my Master's Degree. And speaking of Master's Degree, I am pleased to inform that I have received my diploma and final transcript! Now I am awaiting an authorization to test letter in the mail...and it should arrive any day now. So I really have nothing to complain about right now.

Saturday, Oct. 9, 2010

Currently: So...I just had a couple of vodka mixed drinks...made by me, of course! And I have to say...I feel mighty happy right now! YEA!!!! Let the good times begin! It's tee-shirt-tiiiiiimeeeeeeeeeeeeee!Haha I watch too much Jersey Shore. But SERIOUSLY! I'm loving myself right now...and can't wait to dance it all off at the club later on...too bad it'll be a couple more hours 'til I actually get to step out. ARGH! What a piss off! Okay, let me get my drunken ass on out of here, before I cause more trouble! ; )