Friday, Dec. 31, 2010: P.S.

P.S. Have any of you out in blog world ever had to pee really bad, but held it in just to feel drunk/buzzed? That's me right now. Damn champagne didn't even give me a buzz! But hey, at least the holding in is working it's magic, finally!

Friday, Dec. 31, 2010- The 'What Grinds my gears about New Years Eve' Edition

Currently: So what grinds my gears with New Years eve? It's not so much the drinking and the ball drop (those are actually the best parts), but AFTER the damn ball drops! For one, you have all these annoying fricking couples kissing on eachother, thus showing off the fact that they have 'someone' to start the New Year with. And then you have me, who looks over and sees no one but my mother and brother (though I love you guys!). Seriously. Every year. That is what I get. And then ON TOP of that, you have that really depressing (in my opinion) "Ole lang sine" (excuse my spelling) song playing, reminding me even more of how craptastic each passing year was...and that more 'crap' is to come...lovely! But eventhough I am left feeling this way every New Years Eve, I watch the Ball drop anyway...just because I don't feel right missing out on the 'ole tradition...unless i'm out actually DOING something. Anyways, so that's it with my rant. While we are on this topic, I have also determined what my New Years resolution will be: I will quit giving into impulses. I have already gone about a month and a half without smoking (minus when I drink), so this is a realistic resolution. Amongst these 'impulses,' includes going on facebook ONCE a week instead of every frickin day...and I have assigned friday as 'facebook day.' I have also vowed to not eat unless I am GENUINELY hungry! I have lost 15 pounds in the past couple of months, but I don't feel like I'm losing weight as quickly and fluidly as I want to, so maybe this will help. I want to look the way I did in 8th grade again, damnit! And that is all. Happy New Years everyone!

Wednesday, Dec. 29, 2010

Currently: Christmas this year was a lot of fun...it was actually one of the best christmases I have had in a long time (eventhough as of late I haven't been 'officially' celebrating christmas). For one, father dearest was in a lot of pain throughout the day, making it difficult for him to ruin christmas with his annoying and completely pointless rants. And I enjoyed a nice bottle of Red Wine and watched some Haitian music videos (random, I know) all night with my brother. It was silly, but nice for a change. It seems like a lot of people I know also had a great christmas this year, so I guess this means 2010 was the year for christmas!...though the year itself was a very craptastic one for myself. Anyways, all this week I have been planning out the next 8 months...and even beyond that point. Amongst that, I made a list of groceries and items I will need for my apartment after I move in in a week and a half. And then today I mailed out my tuition payment, eventhough there are mountains of snow outside.Haha I mean business, damnit! But next week is going to be REALLY busy. Monday I have to go to the bank, tuesday i'm going to do a little bit of shopping, wednesday i'm going to start packing, and I will be off to PA by friday evening! How time flies. But hopefully, that means that those 8 months will fly by. And while we're on that topic, I don't think I want to walk in the Master's Degree ceremony anymore. It's bad enough that throughout the semester i'm going to be feeling like I don't even belong around the "entry-level practitioners," in my class. I mean, i'm only a "half-way entry-level practitioner" for chrissakes! That and I know for a fact that sitting in the crowd with that cap and gown on would REALLY give me a bittersweet feeling in the pits of my stomach. So I am passing on that, definitely. As long as I receive my Master's degree in the mail in August/September, i'm satisfied.

Thursday, Dec. 23, 2010

Currently: So I was able to communicate with my fieldwork coordinator yesterday. In a nutshell, I asked him about which locations he has been looking at and considering for my next (and LAST!) fieldwork II rotation. He told me that he has been looking at numerous Nursing rehabilitation centers so that I get to redeem myself with the Nursing Home setting. It is not a bad idea, if you ask me. In this case, I DEFINITELY know what i'm going into and already know enough Rehabilitation lingo to get me through the rotation smoothly. So pretty much, if I were to fail this upcoming rotation then i'd be a complete dumass and would know for sure to call it a day with the oh so splendid profession of occupational therapy. But what's also good with this upcoming rotation is that i'll be able to sit for the boards immediately after it ends, since the material will be fresh in my memory. It should workout well. I even decided to review that gym equipment assignment that they made me do at my first affiliation because I know that since I will most likely be at a location similar to that one, re-aquainting myself with that material will be VERY helpful. Anyways, today I went shopping which made me realize how much of a plaid fiend I really am! I mean, half of the items that I purchased today were plaid items.Haha I am currently drinking some white wine and just hanging out. I plan to do this up until around 11 o'clock, and then I'm going to watch the Mo'nique show, Conan O'Brien, and call it a night. Nighty night, sweetie pies!

Monday, Dec. 20, 2010

Currently: Once I embarked to the Hair Salon Saturday afternoon and saw that full head highlights would cost me $80, I decided to get a wash and set and trim and call it a day. So no, my hair is not currently a gingerly mixture of dark and light brown. But I am saving up my dollars, and am sure that in two weeks i'll be able to get them done. But anyways, saturday night was alright. I went to my mother's office christmas party and acted a semi-drunken fool in front of her co-workers...don't worry, it wasn't that bad! Besides, some of them were quite wasted themselves. One of them actually ended up puking the night away in the bathroom. After the party, my uncle and I went to this club frequented by a lot of Central and South American hispanic people. The music was really good, but after awhile of being there, I got really tired and even started falling asleep. So I went home and that was that. Sunday was a big blur...I don't think I did a thing yesterday, to be honest. And then today...I could say I was semi-productive. I mostly did a lot of planning for the next 8 months of my life. I called up my landlord in PA to touch base, organized in my head what every little cent of my loan money is going towards, decided that watching old school cartoons and random crass comedy on You Tube to pass time during those 8 months (since I will have no tv) is a good idea, communicated with one of my classmates, decided that I should give my fieldwork coordinator a call on wednesday (since I haven't heard from the bastard), and am currently charging my laptop (since it has been sitting in my room unused for 7 months). So all in all, not bad for a monday.Haha Later on this week i'm doing a little bit of shopping...most likely going to Claire's (or Icing by Claire's, whichever!) at the mall and pick up some new acessories I will be needing, as well as some scarves...which I will DEFINITELY be needing as where I go to school is colder than Alaska! And I guess that shall be it for this week. I'm glad that i'm being productive for once. This should definitely continue until I embark back to PA...but not to worry, I will squeeze in some me time in between.

Saturday, Dec. 18, 2010

Currently: I passed my Pediatric Fieldwork II rotation yesterday...and now that I have, I don't feel as bad about school and about my "situation" as before, so that's a good thing. So right now all I have to worry about is one more semester of classes and one more fieldwork, and i'm done for good! *sigh* I went out for a little bit last night. While there, I reunited with Carlton guy (aka "Ron"). I didn't mind talking to him and all, but got really annoyed when he wouldn't stop following me! At one point, I got so annoyed that I lied and told him that I was just coming off of a very long-term relationship and still have strong feelings for the guy (I actually used Jon, my senior year crush as the "boyfriend," haha), and even that didn't work! As a matter of fact, I try to leave the club quietly without him noticing, but he does so anyway, and proceeds to leave as well and follow me outside! My uncle was with me and everything, and he STILL pulled that! I could not believe it. Thankfully, he hasn't called me today. ugh. Anyways, about to go take a shower and get ready and go to the Salon to get highlights put in my hair. Afterwards, i'm coming back home, hanging around for a bit, then getting dressed for the office christmas party tonight. Hopefully it will be a good time.

Wednesday, Dec. 15, 2010

Currently: My last day of pediatric fieldwork is 2 days away...it feels so close, yet so far away! Boy, friday's going to be so bittersweet! I mean, i'll be celebrating completion of a fieldwork for the first time, but at the same time i'll be thinking about how, unlike everyonelse in my class, I won't be able to completely exhale and kick back and celebrate my accomplishments. It is so frustrating and upsetting. I used to wake up at 4:30 in the fucking morning for my first rotation everyday, and from the time I stepped foot in that building to the time I walked out, I was on my feet. I didn't even have a complete lunch break at that place. YET I was completely screwed over and now have to do EXTRA work, instead of being able to celebrate my commitments and hard work. What the fuck? Everytime I think about this, it's even harder for me to celebrate being done with this fieldwork. It's like I had started all over again, when I think about it. And the end of this fieldwork is more like a stale accomplishment not even worth really celebrating. *sigh* And to be honest, i'm nervous altogether about friday because I never know what bullshit those occupational therapists will throw at me...though my supervisor has been great to me throughout my time there...but still, I don't know. I heard through the grapevine that the department is actually throwing me and the other student that has been there a pizza party on friday...well, at least i'll have that to look forward to!Haha Friday night I am most likely going out for a semi-celebration, and then on saturday I will be highlighting my hair and attending my mother's office christmas party...so the weekend should be good. Friday will still be bittersweet, though.

Saturday, Dec. 11, 2010

Currently: Last night I had a really good time. I went out to this club along with my uncle (of course) called 'Savannah,' and it was nice. I had gone there previously a week ago, but for some reason, last night's dynamic was more fun than the last time I went. For one, I danced the night away with a guy who is a DEAD RINGER for Carlton Banks from the popular 90's show "Fresh Prince of Bel Aire." It was so funny! I actually danced with him solely because he looked so much like Carlton, who happens to be one of my favorite childhood tv characters. The guy also couldn't help but remark that I bear resemblance to Rudy Huxtable from "The Cosby Show," so it was kind of like a Rudy/Carlton childhood stars reunion.Haha At one point we even went outside (as I had no coat on eventhough it was FREEZING out last night)and I whipped out my camera and made him do the 'Carlton dance'!Haha And of course, during all of this, another guy who was smoking within our vicinity starts commenting on me putting Carlton guy on You Tube and I turn around, focus my camera on him and say "Do you want me to put YOU on You Tube???" It was so great. I couldn't help but watch that video numerous times today and just reminisce on what an amusing drunk I am. At one point in the video, you could even hear me tell the other guy (not Carlton) "I can cook some for you." When I heard that for the first time, the laughs came out full force...I don't even remember making that comment!Haha And what's worse...the other guy had a girlfriend! Oh boy. But yea, that was last night. Carlton guy actually wanted me to have breakfast with him this morning...but as I said before, I only danced with him because he looked like Carlton, so going out on more dates with him would be pretty pointless. That, AND he had admitted to me that he is around the actor who played Carlton's age...and I have already vowed myself away from anymore 38 year olds, so thanks, but no thanks. Today has been a lazy day for myself. I was going to step out to buy some thank you cards for the people I have worked with at the school, and some cheesecake for my supervisor, but I just didn't feel like it. I actually tried to take a short two-hour nap, but before I knew it, it was already nearing dark outside! What...the...hell? It's crazy to think that these days, there's literally no time to do anything! So I will run those errands tommorrow. For now, I'm just waiting on some roasted potatoes that I had prepared to be ready, but in the meanwhile I am going to work on my Student Summary report for Fieldwork. I can't believe that this coming week will be my last week for fieldwork! I'm not going to lie, though. I'm kind of happy that it is, solely because I know that I still have another fucking one to get over with. Needless to say, it looks like i'm going to be wishing all of 2011 away...and that's really kind of sad, because I would like to enjoy every year that comes by the best that I can. And what really sucks is, i'll be wasting yet another summer completing a fieldwork...2011 will be shitty altogether. Wow. I can't believe how this entry started out really happy and is now dark and miserable. That's what thinking about school does to me, folks! On the brightside, after this coming week, i'll have three whole weeks to relax and get myself together until that stressful shit of a year begins. Countdown to August, 2011 begins...NOW!

Thursday, Dec. 9, 2010

Currently: It has now been almost 2 weeks since I smoked my last cigarette...wow. Anyways, I have just decided that in lieu of me actually passing a fieldwork for the first time ever at the end of next week...i'm going to go get light brown highlights put in my hair.Haha I remember when I did that in High School some people thought that I had dyed my hair blonde! Lmao. But I also remember that it was quite fun and made me feel like a new person...so i'm going to go do it again! So for now I am just hanging around at home and then going to my unpaid job. Thursdays are usually my busy days over there, so lets hope that it goes by fast. As previously mentioned, I love and enjoy working with my students...but I think it's about damn time that I actually got PAID! lol

Thursday, Dec. 2, 2010

Currently: It is already December 2nd...scary. Anyways, I haven't smoked in 5 days...because I cannot afford cigarettes, pretty much. And what sucks is, I feel like right now with all that's going on, that's the one thing I need the most. Oh well, there's always the sweet nectar. I'm actually thinking of getting a bottle tommorrow...and most likely will. You know, I think i'd rather have more money in my pockets than *that much* less angst. And that is where I stand right now. Anyways, off to work in a few. I'll update another time about the art (it truly is) of fieldworks...mine is still going pretty well, though. After this week, I only have two more weeks at the school! Crazy.

Thrusday, Nov. 25, 2010

Currently: So...it is Thanksgiving here in the States. Although I started out the day depressed and down on myself, I decided to muster up some motivation to help my mother with cooking some...particularly by preparing some roasted potatoes (courtesy of what i've been learning from watching Food Network, haha). They are still in the oven, but i'm looking forward to getting a taste of them to see if my new world famous potatoes are the next big thing in my household, haha. I shall see. After i'm done eating i'm drinking some sweet nectar and just hanging out until I call it a night. Happy Thanksgiving to all my American readers!

Sunday, Nov. 21, 2010

Currently: My birthday weekend was alright. Friday night, I kind of just laid around the house and had a few of my homemade cocktails, and then last night I drank a little at home and then went out to the city for a little bit. While there, I met up with my best friend for a little bit and we hung out at Sbarro's for about an hour, laughing and making fun of people; just like the good 'ole times!Haha, it was nice. But today...as much as I would like to get some work done, I have been lazy all day. I know that I have to write some notes on some of my students, continue working on my Case Study (which is actually going well), and start writing an annual review for 3 of my students...but right now i'm finding it so hard to even get ONE of those tasks done! Seriously, is there a cure for procrastination?haha Oh well. Oh, and random cute birthday moment of the week: Once I got home from a fantastic birthday at the school, I was listening to a couple of songs in celebration, and my brother instinctually puts on this cassette that my mother recorded EONS ago, containing party classics of the day, like "The Humpty Dance," "Bust a Move," and "Up all night, sleep all day"...well, that same casette also contains some audio of myself at about 2 years old and my brother at about 4, singing along to the songs! It was so cute! At one point, you can hear me loudly singing to the lyrics of "Up all night, sleep all day," and then humming to "The Humpty Dance"...I guess that goes to show that I was ALWAYS a music fan...even at 2 years old! It was just too precious for words, and on my birthday too! I honestly didn't even need a present after that. Good stuff. Anyways, i'm going to go try and be productive now.

Thursday, Nov. 18, 2010

Currently: I am oficially 23 years of age as of today!!!! It was a great day. I got plenty of birthday messages/texts (even from people I least expected, like my ex-roomate whom I left on not so good terms with, and my former best friend from elementary school), and as soon as I walked into work today, I see a gift bag for myself with a message from my supervisor...along with brownies! That was so nice of her. I really appreciated it. After that, I went to room 29 to pick up one of my students for therapy and as soon as I walked in everyone in the room started singing happy birthday to me, and then the teacher of that class presented me with a special birthday crown and 'happy birthday' certificate. I was also serenaded by one of my students and he threw me birthday kisses. It was cute. I ate at the mall today, and on my way home decided to stop at the liquor store to pick up some sweet nectar...so yea, it's been a great day all around. : ) It just goes to show you how much BETTER my co-workers at the school are than those low-life scum mother fuckers from the Home...they definitely make up for all I went through over at the Home, and I am thankful for that. As soon as I got home, I took a picture with my crown on. So right now i'm about to have some dinner and then have a little bit of my scrumptious-looking ice cream cake...I may or may not also have a little bit of that sweet nectar, but we shall see.

Monday, Nov. 15, 2010

Currently: My 23rd birthday is now 3 DAYS AWAY! I am pretty glad and excited, but at the same time a little disappointed, as the bulk of this week until then will be pretty busy for myself. For one, tonight I have a crap ton of homework to do...I also have to go to the bank to withdraw some money, as I will be needing it this week. Tommorrow, I will be making my first ever "real" splint for one of my students...it will be a wrist cock-up splint. So tonight I have to review some of my notes from Physical Disabilities hardcore to prepare myself for that...i'm not going to lie, i'm a little nervous. But looking forward to it, nevertheless. This is MY time to learn, afterall. Tommorrow I also have some more tedious errands to run on top of more homework, hooray! And i'm most likely going to use wednesday to work on that project that my supervisor wants me to complete. Since I didn't find any good toys at the Dollar Store, she now wants me to make something for the aforementioned student that would enable him to hold a pencil easier. So needless to say, I am looking forward to thursday. Not only will it be my birthday, but it would also practically mark the end of week 8 of fieldworks...and although I have been enjoying my time at the school, I also just want to get ALL fieldworks done and over with so that I can move on to bigger and better things...as well as making ACTUAL MONEY for once! Anyways, luckily, I finished writing my research topic paper yesterday, so that's one less thing for me to worry about. Happy Monday!...Not.

Thursday, Nov. 11, 2010

Currently: I was productive today and am very proud of myself. I worked on my research topic paper and Case Study for fieldwork. I also went over to the Dollar Store to look at some toys to build my "big project" that my supervisor wants me to do...unfortunately, I didn't find anything to my liking, so instead I decided to buy some pads (since i'm on my monthly and all) and just leave. I'll just have to tell her that I couldn't really find anything good, so then maybe she'll decide to cancel the project altogether! *fingers crossed* I also called up my potential landlord for when I go back to PA, and luckily he seemed more sure of himself this time around and told me that he is definitely holding an apartment for me. He wants me to call him next month so that we can make some final arrangements. I am so glad that things are looking good in that area...cause i'm not going to lie, I was *nay* close to deciding to try and bribe one of my occupational therapy friends into letting me stay with them...and I really don't like having to depend on ANYBODY for ANYTHING. But the downside to today was when father dearest the dickhead came back home from work. Basically, he started getting on my case about smoking (to which he is one of the primary reasons why I do it to begin with), and ended up saying some hurtful things about me...amongst them, calling me an 'imbicile' and saying that Sean (the guy I dated my freshman year of college) "messed you up real good before he left you" (he thinks that he caused me to start smoking). Now, FIRST of all, Sean didn't even smoke, so why the fuck would he 'inspire' me to do so...and SECOND of all, who the fuck does he think I am? A follower who doesn't have a mind of my own? Someone who would just do something cause some guy told me to? I use smoking SOLELY as a coping mechanism. I have battled low self-esteem issues and some depression and body image issues all my life, and i'm the kind of person that holds everything in...so I HAVE to have some way to release some of these horrid memories and self-doubt, and unfortunately smoking and ocassionally drinking is my only way to do that. Eventually i'll drop it...but not just yet. I'm at a point in my life where I feel okay as to where i'm going, but at the same time still have the ocassional feelings of sadness and guilt...basically, I have my moments where I am just down on myself. But until then, I just wish that HE would shut the fuck up and leave me alone. He also had the nerve to say that i'm young therefore I have no problems...and I completely call BULLSHIT on that point! Anybody, of any fucking age can have 'problems'! Just because I don't have a full time job, or am not in debt up to my ass, doesn't mean that I have absolutely nothing to be sad or complain about. As previously mentioned, I HAVE been through a lot in my life in terms of low self-esteem, being bullied all throughout elementary and middle school, feeling 'ugly' and that I will never attract anybody, feeling like a complete fuck up at times, having an autistic brother, always being the 'quiet girl' that people step on...and etc, etc, etc...the list can go on and on! Who the fuck is he? He clearly does not know me, nor what I have been through so he needs to shut the fuck up. But I ignored him even when he was talking all this shit about me, cause he's the type of person that goes on and on the more you answer him or try to prove a point...HE must always have the last word. Such a dickhead. BUT ANYWAYS! I'm not going to let that dickhead ruin my night. So my game plan for the rest of the night: I'm going to plug my phone to be charged, go up in my room and write some notes/intervention plans for my students, brush my teeth, take a shower, unplug my phone, hang around a little bit...and fall asleep to some infomercials (my new thing). And that is all.

Monday, Nov. 8, 2010

Currently: This weekend was pretty relaxing...considering all that's going on. I got a lot of rest and watched a lot of movies/old favorite tv shows on tv. I also got to work some on my Case Study for fieldwork and drop my coat off at the Dry Cleaner's (which my mother will be picking up for me tonight). It was nice. Today was nice too...though the weather is cold and craptastic. Anyways, i've got a busy few days ahead of me. I'm going to continue working on my case study/research topic paper. My supervisor also wants me to look over some things for an evaluation i'll be doing tommorrow...but i'm not nervous at all. I am also looking at some jobs online for my mother that she could do at home, so that she can earn some extra money for herself and my brother, as well as could enable her to be around for him more, especially for after I go back to PA for school in January. I decided too, that instead of getting a J-O-B while over there, to borrow EVEN MORE money from this great American goverment to pay for Rent, cable/wifi internet, and groceries/books. I would just have to spend diligently while over there, so that my borrowed money doesn't disappear before my eyes...which means that I won't be indulging in the sweet nectar as much once I go back. : ( Oh well. I had looked online at some job options for me over there, but since a lot of my preferred jobs were looking for full time and evening positions and I have obligations to classes, I decided "aw, fuck it!" and chose this route instead...it is still a not so bad option for me, though. And speaking of, I also have to call my potential new landlord on thursday of this week (since I have the day off and all) to make sure that he is still holding that one apartment for me. If not, then...fuck. But *fingers crossed* that he is! So yea, needless to say, I have a lot on my mind right now, but taking things step by step and day by day...as sick I am of doing that. But hey, my 23rd birthday's now 10 DAYS AWAY! I'm pretty excited...though all I really plan on doing is getting some ice cream cake at Carvel's and hopefully getting a new ipod nano...my uncle also may take me out to my favorite club in the city for the ocassion...so maybe it won't be so Bleh afterall. : )

Friday, Nov. 5, 2010

Currently: About to go sip some white Zinfandel and watch 'Shottas' in my room. Oh what a night. : )

Thursday, Nov. 4, 2010

Currently: Things aren't going very well here at home...actually, not well at all. Father dearest (aka the Bane of my existence for the last 22 and a half years) has been laid up in the hospital for the past couple of days, and tonight we have found out that he has a blood clot in his heart...on top of the fact that he also has some kidney issues. Now, as we all know, I never liked the guy and never will...and actually really like this set-up of just me, my mother, and my brother...BUT the problem with not having him around is the fact that when he was still working, he was the one paying the mortgage, thus making it possible for me to have a roof over my head. He also helped out some with my brother. So as much as he was the biggest dickhead in the universe, he was also quite helpful, and now that he is practically gravely ill, things are not looking good for us financially as well as when it comes to my brother. Now he isn't even able to go to his Dayhab program anymore, since there's no one here at the house to open the door for him when he gets dropped off after program; my mother's still at work at that time, and the times that I get home vary. But since father dearest's work schedule was very flexible, he was often around to do that. Anyways, i'm also just really upset right now, cause I feel like this is MY TIME to step up and help my mother and brother, but unfortunately, I am STILL a fucking unemployed full-time graduate student. My gut instinct is telling me to just drop out of graduate school and get a paying job to start helping my mother, but another part of me is still pushing to continue pursuing my dream...I really don't know. I feel SO bad, because fuck, i'm a grown ass woman with two hands and two feet, YET I am practically unable to help the two people that mean the most to me during a crisis? What kind of a person am I? I never realized what a selfish bitch I am until now...and even as I type this, I still refuse to drop out of grad school.

Monday, Nov. 1, 2010

Currently: So...this weekend went exactly as planned and I am satisfied with that. But today's November 1st, meaning one thing: My 23rd birthday is now 17 DAYS AWAY! I can't believe I am already this old! I mean, i'm not "old" perse, but DAMN did time fly! Believe it or not, I actually enjoy aging, cause the older I get, the wiser I get, which is why as of late i've been doing hardcore countdowns of my birthdays every year. And what's funny is, when I was a teenager I LOATHED my birthday. I would even go as far as DENYING that it was even my birthday! You would think that THEN I would be oh so excited about my birthday year by year, but something has happened to me in the last couple of years, where I have just learned to love getting older! It's good. Anyways, I should be in bed right now, as I have to be up early tommorrow to go do an observation out in the city...but it should be good. Oh, and things continue to go well at my fieldwork site. Today in particular, one of the aides of one of the students I treat came up to me raving at how well I treated him, and how much I got him to interract during my session...moments like that make me feel great. Hopefully, all of this good feedback i've been getting as of late will lead to a job offer! *crossing fingers* Okay, so now i'm going to trot up the stairs, brush my teeth, wash my face, and get to bed...and then start anew tommorrow!

Friday, Oct. 29, 2010

Currently: Woe is fucking me. So, father dearest has had this Security job for almost over a year, and what I liked about it was the fact that on Mondays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays, he'd be out for almost the entire day and well into the night. Yea, he'd be home on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but he'd have those days where he took a little cleaning job and therefore wouldn't be home for long anyways. The bottom line is, he would rarely be home, and therefore i'd have my piece of mind, and the house would actually be QUIET for once. As long as I put up with him for the couple of hours he was home, I was golden. Well...a couple of nights ago, he collapsed at work (because his blood sugar's really high) and because of that his boss had a hissy fit over him collapsing in front of consumers and him not being "healthy" enough for the job and blah blah blah...so today he tells him that he should never go back, pretty much. So NOW the motherfucker's going to be home ALL THE TIME and I have that much time to put up with his bitchiness. God, I love my life. But luckily for me, he is currently passed out upstairs, but who knows how long that will fucking last. Once again, FUCK! And I love how shit like this always happens to me, and you have my Big (sorority) sister posting shit on her facebook like "I love my life," and "I am the luckiest!"...I just want to curse the bitch out and tell her to come try and take a walk on my side of the woods and see if she thinks it's fucking funny to type shit like that on facebook with other people going through shit in their lives right now...and I feel bad, cause I don't think it's normal to feel this way about your Big Sister.lol Anyways, what is this Halloween weekend looking like for me? Well, tonight i'm going to watch the movie 'Shottas' in my room while sipping on some good vodka and laughing (most likely) amongst myself...hopefully i'll be able to have some sort of "release" this way. Tommorrow, i'm going to go do my hair and type up some of my paper for Fieldwork during the day, and then in the evening i'm going to do pretty much the same thing I will be doing tonight, except that i'll be watching "Carrie" tommorrow night in lieu of Halloween-Eve...see what happens when you have no friends? And then on Sunday, I am slipping on my sexy Nurse outfit, taking some pictures, and handing out candies to some trick or treaters. And that is all. I swear, the only good thing I have going right now is my future career in occupational therapy...I had another GREAT Fieldwork week, by the way. Today in particular, I had a FANTASTIC treatment session with this little girl with Developmental Disabilities who's usually agitated and wirey throughout sessions, where I actually got her to smile a big, beautiful smile and actually exhibit playfulness! It was great...until she peed on my knee, haha. But that still put a smile on my face as well. Happy Blah Halloween weekend Everybody.

Sunday, Oct. 24, 2010

Currently: Today I was in bed all day long...and really don't know why. For now, I'm going to call "extreme fatigue" on this one...but who knows anymore! All I know is that my bed kept calling my name and I couldn't say no. And it all started yesterday afternoon when I went to the mall. As soon as I stepped out of the mall I felt this extreme weakness come over my body and felt like I was going to collapse at any moment...and to add to it, I then had a little bit of vodka once I got home...that possibly made it worse. I was passed out for most of the night and even felt a bit feverish at one point. I was going to run a few errands today but couldn't even do so. I'm not going to lie, I AM a serial napper...but today was a new high for me...wow. Even right now as I type this, I just want to be in bed...hopefully i'll feel better in time for working with the kiddies tommorrow.

Tuesday, Oct. 19, 2010

Currently: My supervisor said something to me today that I really appreciated: She said that I have been doing so well with the children and improve on my skills more and more everyday...and that she could tell that the students really enjoy me, and that if my fieldwork coordinator were to ever call her to ask how I am doing, she would tell him that I am doing just fine. I appreciate that SO much, especially considering ALL that I went through at the last facility, that I am STILL trying to get over. It's also good to see a practitioner that APPRECIATES my hard work and dedication to the CLIENTS, which is what this profession is supposed to be all about...but unfortunately, there are some practitioners who lose sight of that. Their loss. But nevertheless, this gives me even more of a drive to strive and thrive (oooh, triple rhyming!) at this facility. Anyways, off topic time: I've been thinking for days now that I would really like to be on tv...specifically, i'd really like to be on the MTV show "True Life." Now, the question is, what "True Life" could little 'ole me be in? My mother recommended "True Life: I am Paranoid," haha. But I was thinking more on the lines of "True Life: I am a Loner," or "True Life: I have low self-esteem," or "True Life: I am getting plastic surgery Part 5" (cause i've thought about that). But I don't know! There are so many options for me!lol But if my "True Life" career doesn't work out, I wouldn't mind appearing in one of those random trashy reality shows (except that i'd be the one non-trashy cast member). I don't know, I just think it would be great to have a nice little 10 seconds of fame. I've always been really shy about this sort of thing, but right about now it sounds like a good idea! Hmmmm...decisions, decisions...
P.S. I turn 23 in a little under a month! EEEEKK!

Saturday, Oct. 16, 2010

Currently: You know what really grinds my gears? When my mother's friends/family members ask for me and then follow it up with "Is she married???"...not only do I completely LAUGH at that, but it then gives me more reason to want to punch someone in the face. Thanks.
P.S. I also burst into absolute LAUGHTER to myself when a guy asks me: "Do you have a man?" DOES IT FUCKING LOOK LIKE I HAVE ONE???? Ahh, people.

Sunday, Oct. 10, 2010

Currently: So...this weekend wasn't bad. Yesterday, I went to the mall and got myself a Halloween costume for this year! I am going to be a "say ahhhh" Nurse.haha Afterwards, I made a little pit stop at the liquor store and got myself some ginger Vodka. It was so good, especially with coca cola...and that was what resulted in my previous entry, haha, oops. A couple of hours later, I went with my uncle to the club...now THAT was a little weird. Because, once I got there I kind of zoned for a good portion of the night. One guy even came up to me and asked why I looked so sad, and I wasn't necessarily sad...just really zone-y. I only had about two shots at the club cause I wanted to behave myself...I also didn't want to wake up this morning with a bitch of a hangover.Haha I did dance with one guy twice...YET ANOTHER 38 year old...he wasn't so bad, though. He asked me if he could kiss me on the dancefloor and I flat out said NO...but at least he respected my wishes, haha. And my uncle's little "clique" at that club seem like alright people. Maybe the next time I go with him over there, i'll actually say hi to them. I kind of felt bad too, because one of them was celebrating her birthday and they kept asking me if I wanted some cake and I kept saying no...POLITELY, of course. Anyways, so that was that. I woke up this morning feeling good, but really tired, but I still forced myself to run errands...and don't regret it at all. I first went to get my hair done, and was able to get some homework done while I was at the Salon. Afterwards, I went to the nail salon to get my eyebrows waxed...and then I came back home. But it felt good taking a walk around town...it was a BEAUTIFUL day for it too. This weekend also made me realize that I really should take all day trips to the mall more often. When I went on saturday, it was sort of like a breath of fresh air. I got to walk around the mall and sit around, with the freedom to think to myself whatever I wanted to...it also gives me something to do on the weekends, and a person like me NEEDS something to do...anyways, i'm about to call it a night. Good night, world!

Saturday, Oct. 9, 2010

Currently: So...I just had a couple of vodka mixed drinks...made by me, of course! And I have to say...I feel mighty happy right now! YEA!!!! Let the good times begin! It's tee-shirt-tiiiiiimeeeeeeeeeeeeee!Haha I watch too much Jersey Shore. But SERIOUSLY! I'm loving myself right now...and can't wait to dance it all off at the club later on...too bad it'll be a couple more hours 'til I actually get to step out. ARGH! What a piss off! Okay, let me get my drunken ass on out of here, before I cause more trouble! ; )

Friday, Oct. 8, 2010

Currently: So...week 2= success! My supervisor tells me that she is very satisfied with my work so far, and that i've been handling the children beautifully...so I am very happy about that. What I REALLY hope is that they offer me a job over there...that would be great! I'm working on that. : ) In the meanwhile, I can't help but think that although my college experience was in general, better than my high school experience, that I still sort of walked away from it with the same thing; no friends. Jenn hasn't written to me in EONS, I practically don't exist to Sam anymore, the stoners only write to me when they feel like it (like usual), and all of my occupational therapy friends still write to me, but only because they too are completing rotations and want to be nosey. I wonder if they'll still write to me after we all get our masters...I hate to say this, but I doubt it. It is so sad how certain people are just forgotten so easily by others...and it is sad that i'll always be "that person." Needless to say, I think i'm going to do a little clean up of my facebook friends list sometime soon. I know that it's a childish thing to do, but I feel like when I delete someone from my friend's list, at least I never again have to worry about seeing their ugly face pop up on my screen, or reading REALLY annoying status updates from them. And that's that. Monday is Colombus day, so I will not have work and am very happy about that. I need these extra days to think of more activities for my kids. As for tommorrow...i'm in between going to get my tires changed or going to the mall to get a Halloween costume...I really like the mall idea, haha. And tommorrow evening my uncle's most likely going out and is letting me tag along, so i'm looking forward to that, as well. I haven't been out in awhile. Anyways, good night all.

Friday, Oct. 1, 2010

Currently: Hey, hey I am still alive!haha Survived my first week of my second rotation...and it went really well. I swear, i'm going to bust my hump until the very end at this facility, cause the LAST thing I want is for what happened at the last facility to happen again (which was crap). But I am a Phoenix and not going anywhere anytime soon. : ) In other news, moments after I posted the previous entry, I got a call from pretty Dominican boy (aka "Ronnie") asking me why I left that night...like it wasn't obvious enough! Idiot. You see, that is why I am not a fan of foreign guys...that fake "confused and oblivious" act that they put up just drives me nuts! Luckily, I hadn't heard from him since...hopefully, I won't get a call from him tommorrow night, asking me to meet him at some Hotel...but let me NOT speak too soon! Anyways, i'm outie for tonight. I have a lot to do/accomplish tommorrow. Peace.

Sunday, Sept. 26, 2010

Currently: Last night was crazy. Let's say that I NEVER EVER in my life would think that what happened last night would occur to me. Let me get to my story...so, I went out in the city for another night in the town. I went to a couple of Bars and had only about three drinks total...unfortunately, I drank each drink too quickly and ended up getting drunk sooner than I imagined. So I make my way over to a third Bar for one more drink only. While i'm standing outside of that Bar, this cute Dominican boy comes next to me. At first, he doesn't say anything, but then says to me "Hey, how are you doing tonight?" So I started talking to him and found out that he is 21 and works as a manager at a Domino's (ha!) close to where I live. He also starts flirting with me quite a bit. But I don't think much of it and continue talking to him. We walk around for a bit, holding hands. He then asks me if i'm up for having some "fun" with him and if i'd like to go with him to a Hotel...so I tell him straight up that i'm not that kind of girl and am not looking to just have sex with a guy I just fucking met. He seems understanding and swears up and down that he's not "that guy." He then asks if i'd like to go further up in the city with him and hang out. I figure that as long as we stay in the streets and around a lot of people that it's not a big deal, so I agree to it. He hails us a cab and we get in and start making out in the cab...he was a good kisser, I can say. But as we're making out he starts touching my breasts and attempts to touch *cough* down there. I continually move his hands away from those parts and he stops after awhile. We finally get out of the cab, and he gets something to eat from one of the street vendors. He then asks AGAIN if i'd like to go to a Hotel with him, and AGAIN I say no! So then he suggests that we go see a movie. There is a movie theater close to us, so we go up and look at the list of movies. I really wanted to see 'Machete' but unfortunately that particular theater didn't have it on their list. So buddy boy chooses a random ass movie that NEITHER of us have ever heard before (which should have really clued me in), and quickly buys the ticket to that movie. We make our way up to the room that it was playing in and he climbs all the way to the top of the stairs for us to sit (should have been clue #9,899,00! oh, alcohol). So we take our seats and he's allover me again. It turns out that the movie we ended up going to see was this ridiculous movie about Yiddish opera. I kept pushing him off me and instead remarking at how dumb the movie was and continually asked him why he would take me to see that kind of movie (duh! doofus!haha). So he then says something to the tune of "It doesn't matter what the movie's about," and continues to try to make out with and ultimately have sex with me...but I continually push him off me. We made so much noise that at one point, a poor woman who was actually INTERESTED in the movie comes up to shush us up. I tell her that we will be quiet and as soon as she turns around, make snapping gestures behind her back. And the dumbfuck CONTINUES to try shit with me eventhough I CONTINUALLY tell him that i'm NOT DTF (that means 'down to fuck,' for those of you that don't watch 'Jersey Shore,' haha). After awhile, he realizes that i'm upset and apologizes, but then recommends AGAIN that we go to a Hotel...that was my last straw. I slap him in the face a couple of times, don't thank him for paying for the cab or that dumass movie, and get up and leave. As i'm walking out of the theater I look behind me to make sure he's not trying to follow me, and can see him from a distance walking the opposite direction. What a fucking CREEPER! He had such a cute face and body too, and would have had so much potential...but instead he turned out to be yet another fucking turn off. He has seriously gotten me EVEN MORE disgusted in men. When I got back home later on in the night, I actually went on a rant on how much men just make me want to throw up...and I mean it, too. ANYWAYS, on a huge side-note, tommorrow's my first day of my second fieldwork rotation, and at this point, it's whatever. I already chose a cute outfit to wear and have a gameplan of how I will handle myself while over there and whatnot...and that is all I can do. Whatever happens, happens. Peace.

Friday, Sept. 24, 2010

Currently: I could say, I was pretty productive today...considering.haha Of course, I did my fair share of napping today, but then I made up for that by reviewing a whole ton for my new rotation on Monday. Even the previous days before, during, and after the funeral I did quite a lot of studying and looking over things. I even went online and did some research on common adaptive equipment in the pediatric realm...and I actually found a lot of interesting things! That all makes me the more excited to start anew on monday. Tommorrow morning i'm making a quick trip to JCPenny's to get myself a couple of new shirts and pants for work...I haven't gone shopping in so long and am tired of wearing the same things all the time! And that shall be it, for now. More to come!

Wednesday, Sept. 22, 2010

Currently: The funeral was today and it was sad, but life goes on. My grandma lived to be 82, so if anything it is a victory. Her relatives came over and stayed for two days. They included my CRAZY aunt Christina...boy is she somethingelse. This was actually my first time meeting her, and when I found out she was coming I had a master plan; to stay in my room the entire time and avoid any interractions with her and her father (my uncle). Well, that quckly changed on the night of the wake. We shared some wine, some smokes, talked, and both decided to stay up well past midnight...to talk some more. She revealed some pretty personal details about herself, including that she had been addicted to Cocaine and is 3 years clean...good for her, but wow!haha She thinks that i'm a very pretty girl ("prettier than most girls," she says haha) and kept comparing me to one of her daughters...she thinks we're practically twins. She goes in and out between Boston and Florida and says that I am welcome to come visit her in Florida anytime, and who knows? She gave me her number and even called me after she left. I think I may call her tommorrow. It's weird how i'm all of a sudden connecting with some of my family members. My family on both sides were never tight-knit, so I have always had this mindset that family isn't really important...but I don't know, I may be re-thinking that notion now. Even on my mother's side, I have been trying to re-connect with a lot of my first cousins in Haiti and it has actually been nice. I mean, I don't have that many friends, so I have to have SOMEBODY to rant and rave to.Haha In the meanwhile, I think i'm about to go have some of that vodka that Christina left behind for me. :p

Sunday, Sept. 19, 2010

Currently: I forgot to mention this in my last couple of updates, but I have finally received information about my next fieldwork rotation. I will be working at a school catering to children ages 5-21 with multiple and physical disabilities. Needless to say, this new rotation will offer a whole new challenge for me, but i'm looking forward to it. Tommorrow i'm going to call my supervisor to ask her a couple more questions about the facility. So...we shall see. In the meanwhile, I just can't wait for this week to be over. It is looking to be mentally exhausting for me, but I think I can deal. I just hope that everything goes over smoothly. I especially need to be focused this week, as it is the week before my next rotation and I need it to properly prepare myself for what is to come. I REALLY don't want for what happened at the last facility I worked at to happen at this facility...although I DID as well try to prepare myself to the best of my ability for the previous site. But one can only do so much. I am not a miracle worker, afterall. Anyways, as said before, we shall see. Wish me luck, all!

Saturday, Sept. 18, 2010

Currently: Tonight I was remniscing about this one time while I was back in school, when I met up with a guy named Austin and just on a whim decided to go back to his place with him and his guy friends. They all happened to be mechanical engineering majors. Believe it or not, I consider that night to be one of my favorite College moments. I remember when we got back to his place, we all just took shots, talked shit, and I got to see some of his weapons, like his hunter's gun and hunter's knife...it was just a good, laid back time without even trying too hard. And believe it or not, nothing creepy happened...well, besides the one point in the night when Austin's friend decided to suck my blood (long story). I don't know why, but it's one of those moments where you look back and think to yourself "You know, that was a good time." Just me and a bunch of guys hanging out and being ourselves. Who would think that?

Friday, Sept. 17, 2010

Currently: I'm not looking forward to the funeral on wednesday...mostly because a lot of people will be there and I unfortunately (which has been my downfall) am not much of the people person and am thus not for chatting it up with anybody. I feel like the entire situation itself will be just really uncomfortable for myself and that's another thing I hate; being uncomfortable. We'll see, I guess. In the meanwhile, today I am avoiding facebook like the plague because I KNOW that a lot of people in my class are posting about how extatic they are that they actually PASSED their first fieldwork 2 rotation...well good for fucking you. I'm just doing so to keep myself from feeling too much like a worthless piece of shit. I do what I can. Anyways, don't really know what the plan is for this weekend...to be completely honest, i'm going to most likely end up doing absolutely nothing. Cheers!

Thursday, Sept. 16, 2010

Currently: I wrote a MUCH longer update just a few minutes ago, but my computer decided to fuck up and erase EVERYTHING that I had written, and i'm not fucking starting over again. So...in a nutshell, my grandmother passed away on tuesday, and right before I found out I had a paranormal experience with her spirit...and I have a history of not believing in ghosts, so you know I'm not making this up. Funeral is next week, and her relatives from Florida and Boston are coming over, YAY! Also, tommorrow was supposed to be my last day of fieldwork, but (as all know), since I was forced to withdraw from the Nursing Home last week for still "not meeting standards," that will not be the case. And as most of my other classmates will be out taking celebratory shots, i'll be sitting at home feeling sorry for myself...YAY! AGAIN!
There.
Oh, and P.S. For now I am waiting on my next facility to send me an info packet so that I know where exactly I'm going and who my supervisor will be. I am also signing up for student liability tonight, since my new facility "requires" that. I am also looking forward to week six at this new facility, so that I at least "know" where I stand in the wonderful world of occupational therapy.
End (for real this time).

Saturday, Sept. 11, 2010

Currently: You know, I noticed that I only really hear from people on my birthday...and I have a lot of them writing things to me like "I miss you!!!"...really? Then why don't I ever hear from you when it's NOT my birthday??!!
...I also really wish I could actually look at my life and say "life is good!"...when will I have my moment in the spotlight?
...ok, no more complaining, for now. I'm going to step out for a little to clear my head.
P.S. Yes, I know that today is the 9th anniversary of 9/11, but I could fucking care less. ZING!

Thursday, Sept. 9, 2010

Currently: I just want to lay down and die.

Wednesday, Sept. 8, 2010

Currently: So I have failed my first Fieldwork 2 placement...according to my supervisor, it is because I wasn't "open" enough. I personally think that his reasoning for failing me was pure bullshit, and here's why: 1) When I had initially asked him and my douchebag, dickheaded other supervisor how they determined whether or not a student passed or failed, they both answered that as long as a student came to the facility, did their work, and didn't hurt or injure any patient, they passed them...I did EXACTLY that, and YET they found petty, bullshit reasons to fail me, which proves that they were lying to me from day one, 2) My first supervisor, the dickhead LIMITEDLY supervised me, yet EXPECTED me to do everything 100% like a practitioner...my other supervisor even addressed that during one of our meetings, and YET held everything I was lacking against ME! 3) In my opinion, patients should come first in this equation, and I always treated my patients with the upmost respect, and they all seemed satisfied with my services. I even had one patient who spat at and disrespected all the CNA's, nurses, and LPN's, but LOVED me. 4) We had practitioners at my facility who made THE SAME EXACT mistakes as I did, and yet at the end of the day, they were still practitioners, they still kept their jobs, but you're going to fail me? There was even one covering practitioner who was an OTR, not just a OTA, but an OTR, and didn't know what the hell she was doing. She would literally give patients one activity to do which didn't even HELP them in terms of their diagnoses, and she got away with it. She even asked ME for help at times, especially with documentation. And YET, she gets to keep her fancy license and make the big bucks year by year, but I get the middle finger. My point in bringing people like her up is; if they got a chance to be who they are today, then I deserve one too. Anyways, the next step for me is, I will still be able to go on my Pediatrics rotation, so it's not a complete loss. Afterwards, I am still allowed to go back to school to finish off my final semester of classes, and I would even be able to walk in the graduation ceremony. But here's where the catch comes in. After I graduate, I would have to stay in PA to do an additional rotation in the physical disabilities field. If I would pass that rotation, I would then officially earn my Masters. It's a decent idea for me, considering what happened at this last facility, but I still have a lot of things to think about, like where to stay and how to get to my job, and if I should get an additional job to cover expenses. I have also been thinking to myself; "Is it REALLY worth it?" According to my last supervisor, I pretty much don't even have the "personality" to be a practitioner, so if that's the case, why bother? Also, this rotation made me realize how shady and full of shit this profession REALLY is, and I am not a shady person. I really don't know. My fieldwork coordinator doesn't want me to make any "rash" decisions, and I see where he is coming from. But at the same time I feel that the decision I *want* to make may be the best one for me. I don't know anymore...about anything. One thing's for sure; I REALLY have to do well on my Pediatrics rotation, otherwise...
P.S. I gave one of my temporary supervisors (the same one who co-signed stabbing me in the back) a thank you card, so he gave me one of his own with $50 in it. I have a feeling he thought to himself "This girl is going to need a drink after she's done with us, so let me give her a little something..." And you know what? That's exactly what i'm going to do with it, thank you very much sir.

Sunday, Sept. 5, 2010

Currently: You know, I like when my tears are thick and warm.

Saturday, Aug. 28, 2010

Currently: So tuesday was horrible. My supervisors made me do an inservice on the different types of equipment we use in the gym. I tried to make it creative by giving everybody a handout with the equipment on them, and then having each person come up and do an activity on the equipment and everyonelse would discuss (like fucking adults) what areas of the body that person is working on improving. You would THINK that a presentation in that format would go over well...but just the opposite happened. As soon as I get up there, the OT assistants start yelling "wait, we have to do WORK? this is HER inservice! She's the one that's supposed to be doing all the WORK!" One Indidan bitch in particular named Aisha (who I sense has hated my guts since day one) was the worst of them all. She just kept yelling and saying "oh please!" and rolling her eyes...and at one point, she even got up and sarcastically said "I'm going to use the bathroom!...might as well." In the meanwhile, you would THINK that the others would try to show some sort of respect for me and stand up to the bitch and tell her to calm the fuck down...but no! They all joined in on her bitchiness. Even one of my SUPERVISORS was sitting there, laughing his head off and (I feel) just mocking me altogether. And mind you, these people are all well in their 30's, and married with children! You would think that they would be a lot more mature than that. I swear, I felt like I was in Elementary School being bullied allover again. After that nightmare was done and over with, I went to a corner and just cried...cause that's all I could do. You know, this is sort of my fault too for being so quiet and passive. If I would have been a strong minded bitch from day one, none of this would have ever happened. I need to step it up. But how? It's just not in my person to be that way...no matter how hard I try. But I guess I have to keep trying anyways. On that note, I hope they all get AIDS or CANCER. I wasn't going to go there, but yup, I did it.

Saturday, Aug. 21, 2010

Currently: So I am continuing to strive and make improvements at my fieldwork facility...but judging by the types of people I work with, I still never know what their perceptions of me will be at the end of my run there. Despite that, i'm going to continue to push myself and try to become the best practitioner I can be...so that I at least know that if I do fail, at least I never gave up and went down fighting. Because that is what I am...a fighter. Anyways, in other news, my mother just admitted herself along with my brother to the ER because he had been complaining about an ear ache for days now, and her asthma has returned. Shitty saturday altogether. And in other OTHER news, my annoying bitch of an aunt wants to pair me up with this half Puerto Rican, half Italian Nursing student at her job. This kind of pisses me off as 1) I never asked the bitch for any favors, nor to try and pair me up with ANYBODY, 2) I'm not looking to be (or attempt to be) romantically involved with ANYBODY, EVER! and 3) What the hell does she think I am? A person who cannot find somebody on my own? A pity to society? Bitch please!...sorry that I am all of a sudden using ghetto speak (I hate that), but some people are REALLY getting on my nerves right about now! Anyways, unfortunately I am unable to go out tonight, as I am broke and have killer cramps from getting my Period for the second time this month. Lovely.

Monday, Aug. 16, 2010

Currently: Still alive.Haha Things are looking a little bit better fieldwork-wise. I had another meeting with my fieldwork supervisor on friday and he is FINALLY starting to notice the improvements I have been making. Ugh, people. Anyways, other than that nothing else has been going on at all. Life gets more and more boring by the day...I don't know what to do, really...but whatever. I've run out of options on how to make my life more interesting. Anyways, I should actually be in bed right now, so I think i'll get to that now. Good night, world!!!!

Sunday, Aug. 8, 2010

Currently: Still alive.Haha. Fieldwork is still draining me. For one, I am now on "failing" status for fieldwork, why? I don't frickin know!! My supervisor keeps saying that I need to stop looking "lost," and carry myself more like an occupational therapist, as opposed to an occupational therapy assistant. I've been trying my hardest to do that, but everytime I try to improve on something, he as well as other staff members at my facility find somethingelse to get on me for. They are almost impossible to please over there! It is so ridiculous. They act as if I am studying to be a goddamned doctor, when occupational therapy is not NEARLY as difficult as medical school! And what pisses me off the most is the fact that sometimes they even feel the need to blow things out of proportion and even LIE at times, to make it seem as if I don't know what i'm doing and am thus not prepared to be an OT practitioner. It is complete bullshit, if you ask me. But on the brightside, my supervisor had a chat with my fieldwork coordinator, and he was able to convince him to give me more patients to treat a day (I went from three patients a day, to five) so that i'll at least be treating the amount of patients I should be treating by the end of fieldwork (which is about eight). Thankfully, I still enjoy my patients. My supervisor even said the other day that I interract with my patients very well (which is the ONLY compliment he has given me since I started!). I really don't know. I hope things work out for the best in the end, but I really wonder sometimes. Sometimes I just feel like he had already made up his mind that he wants to fail me, and is just looking for MORE dumass reasons to do so. Whatever. I just need to clear my head right now. I'm about to go watch some Deftones music videos on my laptop and then call it a night...and start anew tommorrow. Pray for me, everyone.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Currently: I've been going through an emotional rollercoaster at my fieldwork facility. From my dickheaded supervisor saying that it's okay for my fieldwork coordinator to fail me for fieldwork because he won't sign the contract with my school, to my other supervisor telling me that they haven't been very pleased with me thus far...eventhough he KNEW that dickhead has been giving me a hard time from day one! The people at my facility are very hard to please too, and even if I write a note and look it over a million times to make sure I didn't miss anything, they still find SOMETHING to get on me for. Blah. But, as always, I kept what Jon (my other supervisor) had told me on friday in mind and made sure that it showed in my performance today. One of their complaints was that I don't "initiate" things enough and that I like to just kind of sit around and "wait" for them to tell me things with this confused look on my face. SO...today I made sure to find something for myself to do no matter what, and then approach dickhead or Jon whenever I either needed something to do or had a question. I promise, it'll be like this until the end of this fieldwork, cause I just CAN'T afford to fail this fieldwork and have to start allover and complete it again next semester...or even next summer. What's good about this though, is that Jon had also told me that my evaluating and treating skills are just fine and don't need any type of "work"...so that is DEFINITELY one less thing for me to worry about. I really have been enjoying my patients though. My one patient, Mary, is a sweet little Irish woman who always has some sort of advice for me.Haha As a matter of fact, today she was trying to see if she could get me a boyfriend!!HAHA! If only she knew my luck with men...My other patient is a little Korean man named Mr. Kim and he is HILARIOUS! For one, everytime he sees me he feels the need to say "Do the bike!" and then start laughing hysterically.Haha There were a couple of days where he refused to come to therapy, but he has been easy to work with otherwise. Anyways, i'm outie. Another day of no pay awaits me tommorrow!

Friday, July 9, 2010

Currently: Still hanging there.Haha I evaluated and started treating a woman named Mary this week, and that's been going well. She's a sweet woman, thankfully. A patient like her gives me the hands on experience that I need without overwhelming me, so i'm pretty glad that she ended up being my first patient ever. But on the downside, I do not like my supervisor at all. He seemed like an alright guy at first, but after two days of me being there he mutated into a mega dickhead! But luckily, now that i'm getting the hand of how to handle things at the facility, I don't have to talk to or count on him too much...only when I am absolutely positively confused about something. Anyways, tommorrow I will be at work again...long story short, though I was planning on working last Monday, since dickhead told me I could have the day off, I figured I would take it...but then the next day he flips out over me not being there the previous day...so I (swallow my pride) and promise that I will make up the time on Saturday. And there. Oh boy.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Currently: Yay, I survived!haha First week of Clinical rotations went well...though on Friday I got really overwhelmed for no reason and missed three evaluations I was supposed to observe. I'm never letting that happen again! But it has been going really well thus far. I have been learning a lot about the Nursing Rehab setting and feel like i'm getting a good hand on how to go about things at my facility. Tommorrow I had the option of staying home and taking the day off, or going to work...and I think i'm going to work. I want to show my supervisor that i'm there to be a therapist and get things done, and not just to show up and pass. I hope he appreciates that.haha Not only that, but this week I will be receiving my first batch of patients and just can't put something like that in the back-burner! I'm so excited though, and ready to learn some more. I am a little sad though that i'm missing out on 4th of July festivities this year, but Fieldwork is a more important matter to me...and that's that. So i'm going to rest up for tonight (as firecrackers are blasting off outside my window, haha) and start anew tommorrow. I cannot wait, and i'm going to try to be the best therapist I can be to my patient. Happy fourth of July to all my American readers!!!!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Currently: Bored on a Saturday night...and unfortunately, I don't think i'll be able to get out and have some real fun for awhile. No, starting Monday the 28th Fieldwork will own my life. Great. But life isn't all about fun, right? Anyways, will most likely call it a night early tonight and get up early tommorrow morning, shower, and go run some errands. Then tommorrow evening i'll be in bed by 9 pm, since I plan to wake up at 4:30 the next morning. Wish me luck, all.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Currently: So, it is now only THREE days until I start my first Fieldwork II rotation, which means that this is my last weekend of freedom for awhile, haha. I don't know if my uncle will be up for going out tonight, because ever since we got back from Connecticut following my cousin (his daughter's) graduation, he's been down the dumps. We shall see. But even if I don't go out tonight, I won't make a big deal of it, since i'm already so hyped and excited for next week. So I wouldn't mind settling for watching television re-runs and studying tonight, haha. Oh boy. I actually just found out (via facebook, of course) that one of my classmates already started her fieldwork rotation this week!!...oh so coincidentally, she is also the daughter of our Physical Disabilities professor/Fieldwork coordinator, so OF COURSE they're going to give her a head start. She had just written on facebook though, that she is already about ready to go into her second Fieldwork II rotation in Florida...so I am assuming from that, that things aren't going so great for the little Princess. Sucks for her, haha. I just have a good feeling about my Fieldwork site, so i'm not even panicking at this point. I'm just so...EXCITED!!!= )

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Currently: I've just spent the last couple of days in Connecticut at my cousin's and it was nice. Right now I am just really unhappy...for numerous reasons, of course. Way to start my final week of freedom before fieldworks start, eh? I just find myself constantly thinking about and going over things. It is good that I am more contemplative than I used to be, but at the same time, I also feel like that is what is making me more internally depressed. Blah. Either way, today i've got some errands to run. I've got to call back the insurance company of the Sanitation truck that hit my car (or fuck-face father dearest's adopted car) two weeks ago. I also have to possibly fax them the estimate I received just the other day. I then have to lookover some Fieldwork material and finalize some things if need be, continue to study, and continue looking at possible Bus and Train routes for next week. I just have to continue to carry on and roll with the punches...I will continue to do so as always, but at the end of the day, I still hate my life. And unfortunately, it will probably be like this for awhile. Hey, I may even see a few greys in my hair before anything gets better.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Currently: It is soooooo beautiful out today! If I weren't so broke, I would have gone on another one of my thirsty thursday outings!...but unfortunately, that is not happening today. So for now, i'm going to continue studying for my fieldwork placement (which is now only ELEVEN days away!) and as well continue to look at fast and cheap bus and train routes that I could make to and from work once I start. Hey, it's good to think ahead. Anyways, tommorrow I will be spending my day doing the same thing and making some phone calls...and thankfully, later on my uncle and I are going to Glo again. At least i'll have that to look forward to. In other news, this African guy that I met at the club not too long ago keeps calling and texting me, asking when he'll see me again...eventhough I keep ignoring him! He is so annoying. I do not like when guys are TOO persistent, and after that Jose saga, i'm really not in the mood to be dealing with anybody at this point. This morning, he (meaning African dude) even called me from another number, and when I answered the phone, wouldn't say anything until I hung up. I know it has to be him. I could be wrong, but with the way he's been acting, he's the only culprit I could think of. I repeat, he is fucking annoying. Anyways, moving on...

Friday, June 11, 2010

Currently: Last night I saw a show in the city called "Fuerza Bruta," and it was amazing! I enjoyed every single moment of it; just as I had expected. It is a very interactive show, with the crowd standing instead of seated, and we were encouraged to dance along with the music, interract with the cast, and participate in some of the skits. The cast members even came into the audience to participate alongside us; towards the end of it, I even got a kiss on both cheeks from one of the performers! Absolutely amazing. But that wasn't the only amazing thing about this show. It is also an aerial show, with the performers gliding and flying a couple of feet over the audience, and half way into the show they bring in a plastic stage overhead filled with water, and the performers continue to glide and swim and dance on top of it...it's hard to even explain this show! And the music! Don't get me started with the music! It was amazing and heart-pounding...like I said, it is hard to explain a show such as this in words, so I encourage anybody who is reading this to go see it. Seeing this show last night definitely lifted my spirits. As for everythingelse, I hadn't heard from Jose since our half-assed date last Sunday...and I haven't attempted to call or text him either. He's just another stupid, ignorant man, and is a waste of my time. So that's that. Now I just have to focus on making sure I am confident going into my Fieldwork placement, which I start in 16 days. I feel i'm doing well in that alley though. I will also be going to Connecticut with my uncle for my cousin's graduation...she's about to become a certified LPN! I'm so proud of her. And, hmmmmm...what else? Oh, and it looks like I will no longer be able to join Curves...something came up, and it looks like I won't have the means to join. So right now i'm going to try to just follow a healthier diet and not stuff my face with the nasty fatty foods that I am oh so in love with...it's going to be hard, but because i'm a little more level-headed than I used to be, i'm confident that i'll be able to pull it off. I've been following a healthy diet for a couple of days now, and my body's already feeling better and more refreshed. So for now, i'm just going to use today to relax and kick back a little bit...this week was just CHAOTIC for no reason, but I got through it, so Cheers!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Currently: Today has been productive thus far. This morning, I went to the Doctor so that she could fill out my required Physical examination form for my first Fieldwork. That went well. Afterwards, I came home and called up the Sanitation truck that hit my car's insurance company right away. The representative was very nice and cooperative, so I got to make my claim with no problems or complications. Later on, I also have to fill out a claim form for the DMV, because I will most likely need more than $1,000 to replace my front bumper. Bleh. But on the bright side, i'm getting shit done. Right now i'm just not looking forward to having to go back to that same auto body shop that fixed up my trunk last summer (if you don't recall, one of their trucks hit me from behind on my way to work) to fix this problem. I chose to go back to them because they're the only auto body shop that I know of that's close to where I live and they did a pretty good job with my trunk. If i'm lucky, they won't remember who I am and I can go in and out without them being like "oh wait...isn't she THAT GIRL from last year that we hit and had to fix up for FREE???" I guess i'll just have to wait and see. ANYWAYS, after my physical this morning, i've also decided that I need to join Curves, pronto! I weigh a whopping 169lbs and i'm only 5'3!...yea, not very healthy. Luckily, there is a Curves right by my house, so i'm going to make my way over there as soon as I have the means. And that is it, for now.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Currently: What a day today has been. This morning, my dumass father decided to park my car in front of a Stop sign across the street from our house, and because of that, a Garbage truck hit my car. Luckily, the damage wasn't too bad. But the front bumper is scratched up and a little broken. Although it was also the Sanitation worker's fault for HITTING my car to begin with, I also place some blame on father dearest for carelessly parking the car in front of a Stop sign to begin with! You see where my charity and good heart has placed me? I trust him with something near and dear to me and he just neglects it. What an idiot. And right now, as I type this, he's still driving around with my car (it is still driveable, luckily) and carrying on like nothing happened. All of this, and YET he'll find an excuse to say that I am the "selfish" one. But I have no choice but to take all of this shit. Either way, I have to find the number of their Insurance holder so that they could pay for the damage. I visited my insurance company today, and because of the type of insurance that I have (the cheapest under the sun), there's really nothing that they could do, unfortunately. So I have to handle this all with the Sanitation department. 'Gotta love my life. Oh, and to add to this, yesterday I hung out with Jose in the city and we saw "Get him to the Greek" together. It wasn't so bad if his big-headed ass didn't feel the need to down-talk me every chance he got. See, before we went to see the movie we stopped at a Pizza joint to eat because he was hungry. While there, of course we got to talking a little bit. First, he practically incriminates me for forgetting stuff he had told me while I was DRUNK and tells me that he doesn't like to have to "repeat" facts about himself. Oh, and it gets even better from there. He then goes on to insinuate that I am not a great kisser and follows that with "I could tell you were very sheltered," but then goes on again to say that i'm "Very pretty and very intelligent" and that is why he "likes" me. Um, okay? So I was gracious enough to still go see the movie with him cause I might as well have not turned down a free movie (he paid for the movie) at that point. And then during the movie, his phone goes off and minutes later he turns to me and whispers "They just called me for work, i'm so sorry I have to go...need money for the train?" I assure him that I don't need money, he kisses me goodbye, and I sit back and enjoy the rest of the movie by myself. What else was there to do? BLAH. But on the bright side of all this bullshit, I received my Diploma in the mail today. I am also going to go see a show on Thursday. So this week shouldn't be THAT bad...and better not be, or i'll shank a bitch...just kidding.= (

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Currently: So...turns out I will be seeing the 38 year old again afterall. I had gone a week without texting or calling him...though he called me numerous times. Well, last night I went out with my uncle as usual. Before I even step out of the house, 38 year old texts me...his name is Jose, by the way. He asks me what I am doing and whatnot. I tell him that i'm going out to the same club we met at. So then he says that he is willing to meet me there. I figure it's not a big deal, since i'll be over there anyways and a lot of people go there. So hours in I don't get a text from him nor do I see him, so I assume that he will be a no show for the night. But then I step out for a smoke and there he is. We talk a little outside then go inside. He buys me a drink, we dance, and we kiss on the dancefloor. I enjoyed dancing with him. At one point I kind of jump on him and he picks me up and turns me around. It was cool. But then I had to leave. I left without saying goodbye to him, cause at that point I was a little gone. While in my uncle's car on our way back to my place, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in his side mirror and it was just...bad. I had this extreme glazed over look on my face and looked really confused. Once I get home, I decide to stay awake to wash my face, do a little walking around, and listen to some music so that I wouldn't puke or get the spins. At one point, I even PRAYED to God up above that I don't puke, cause i've never drunk-puked here at home and that would just be embarassing. So thankfully, I do not end up puking, but then wake up this morning with a bitch of a headache, and since my period also decided to grace it's presence today, a mighty bitch of a stomach ache as well. It was HORRIFIC! I was sick practically all day. I didn't even get to eat a real meal. I never want to be that sick again. And guess what? Yup, I ended up puking sometime in the middle of the day. Thankfully though, in my mother's eyes I puked from having my period and NOT from drinking. A couple ginger ales, Ramen noodles, and a little bit of rest later, I am feeling better but still a little weak. Jose wants to hang out tommorrow afternoon, and I think i'm going to go. I mean, it's not like i'm doing anything. So...see how that goes, I guess.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Currently: Friday night I met a 38 year old Brazilian guy at the club. He found me very attractive so he had to come talk to me...he couldn't stop remarking at how pretty I am, and couldn't believe that I didn't have a boyfriend. We talked a bit and even danced a little, and he bought me a drink. He actually seemed pretty cool. Eventhough he is much older than me and has a 10 year old son, I figured I could give him a try. I mean, he was in the Navy and fixes planes for a living, which I think is pretty cool. He also seemed to be a level-headed guy. I don't know, I got a good vibe from him. So he gave me his number and I decided to text him yesterday. He called me almost soonafter, and the first thing he asks me is if I could hang out with him again that day. I told him that I couldn't...so then he asked if I could hang out with him today. Not that I mind, but I don't even have enough money to go back out in the city again. That, and I don't know, talking to him on the phone, I got a vibe that he was the type of guy that rushes into things, and i'm not like that at all. I like to take my time to get to know a guy first, then meet up with him and see where it goes...but I could just tell that he's not like that. So needless to say, I don't think i'm ever going to call him again. I really hope that i'm not being too picky, but I just feel like it's so hard to find a good quality guy these days. Every guy that I meet, if they don't have one bad fault, they have another. It is so frustrating. I really don't know how so many girls I know are able to find boyfriends so easily. It is literally taking me forever and a day just to find one quality person. One thing that i'm scared about is turning around and being 30 years old and still not having anybody. And it can happen. I am 22 now and time flies, and with the type of guys i've been meeting it could take awhile to find one that I could see myself with. And what's funny is, when I was a little girl I used to think that it was so easy to find a husband. I literally thought that as soon as a girl grew up she right away found her prince charming and married him and had children with him and lived happily ever after. But unfortunately, real life is not a Disney movie...I really wish it was though.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Currently: Wednesday I met up with my Fieldwork supervisor at the Home. I really like the facility. It seems clean and organized, and my supervisor seems like an alright guy. I don't think i'm going to have any issues with this facility at all. I think that the only obstacle will be the really long commute (1 hour and 36 minutes, according to Google). I will most likely have to get up really early to be at work by 8 am. But i'm not too worried about that. Knowing myself, there will rarely be a day where I get to work late. Anyways, today i'll be allover the place. My supervisor wants me to call him back today reguarding the contract, and I also have to do my hair and later this evening I will most likely be going out with my uncle again. Right now he doesn't know if he'll be able to pick me up or if I have to meet him in the city, but he'll let me know for sure. So right now the game plan is, i'm going back up to my room to lie down for a bit. Then i'm taking a shower and getting dressed. Before I make the walk to the salon i'm going to call my supervisor again, then go get my hair done...i'm going to have curls put in my hair again!!! Yes! Then afterwards i'm coming back home, and depending on what my uncle tells me, i'm either going to get ready and get a cab to the train station and meet him in the city, or get ready and wait for him to pick me up. It shouldn't be bad. Oh yea, and my father has been laid up in the hospital for a couple of days and has just been discharged this morning. I'm not really looking forward to seeing him, but atleast my car is no longer sitting in the backyard of his Doctor's office. Whatever. I guess i'll just do the usual; ignore him and carry on.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Currently: Vacation at home has been surprisingly alright. I've been taking a crap load of pictures with my awesome new camera, have not been bothered that much by father dearest because his diabetes is acting up and he's not well (bad for him but semi-good for me), and most importantly, i've been handling my business and getting things done. But of course, I always find time for some fun.: ) Last friday, I went out with my uncle to this awesome club called Glo. It was a lot of fun, but towards the end of the night I was hit on by this mobster (I swear!) with crater face! I was so disgusted...but didn't let that get me down, haha. Anyways, tommorrow is thirsty thursday and I plan on making a little trip down to the city to celebrate it...and take more pictures! And it's supposed to be a nice day, so i'm looking forward to having a nice, laid back time. I don't know for sure if my (so-called) best friend will meet up with me, but you know what? I really don't care. Trust me, I could have just as much fun by myself. Cheers!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Currently: So turns out I won't be going to Florida afterall. The trip turned out being way too expensive for me, so i'll be hanging around at home until Fieldworks start, pretty much. But on the bright side, yesterday I went and got my hair done, and had the stylist put curls in my hair, and I LOVE them! I really think I should do the curls more often. She also trimmed my hair cause there was just a plethora of split ends...not only that, but at that point I hadn't had a perm in MONTHS and my hair was a big frizzy mess. I actually felt bad for the stylist. She really had her hands full with my mess of a hair. But thankfully, she pulled off a great job and I look lovely. : ) Love it. Anyways, I was supposed to go to the DMV to re-register my car today, but I don't know if I still am. At this point I feel like it's a little bit of a waste anyway, because my evil ass of a father has been using my car more than I have cause his piece of junk car keeps breaking down. Not that I mind another person using my car. It's just that he is such an asshole, and not even a good father and has always made my life a living hell, and yet HE is benefiting from my hard work and blood, sweat, and tears? I mean, yesterday I only got to take my car out for a couple of minutes to go get my eyebrows done. Not fair. But on the bright side, my uncle wants to take me out later as his graduation gift to me...so needless to say, I may drink myself to a coma; JUST KIDDING!!! Haha.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Currently: This past Sunday something amazing happened; I graduated college. Yes folks, time has come and gone...and here I am today! I earned a Bachelors of Science degree in Health Science. So now, I only have my Masters in occupational therapy to earn, and i'm done with school for good!! Late next month I am starting my Geriatric Fieldwork rotation at a Nursing Home. I will be working at the home for about three months. Afterwards, in October (I think), I will be starting my Pediatric rotation at a school for special needs children. After I finish the Pediatric rotation in December, I will be going back to school again to complete a semester of actual classes...and then after that, I get my Masters!In the meanwhile, i'm just hanging out and getting things done until the end of June. I'm going to do my hair on thursday, and will most likely have it curled...just for a change. I may go to the mall sometime this week or next week, cause it's been so long since i've had a shopping session. I may also contact the fieldwork coordinator at the Home next week. Oh, and I will be going to Florida in a few weeks to visit my friend Britanny (remember: crazy freshman year friend from Califronia)! She works for Disney World now, and is getting me a room for only half off at one of the Disney Resorts!!! I'm just nervous because this will be my first time on a plane since I was five years old; no joke. I have been deathly terrified of planes for awhile now, and the death of Aaliyah and the 9/11 attacks in 2001 just made it worse. So I have been refraining to fly anywhere until now, just because I feel like I need to get out and see the world before I grow old...not like i'm GROWING old or anything. ; )

Saturday, May 1 , 2010

Currently: Wow...is it REALLY already May???? Holy shit! Which means quite a few things; i'll be graduating in 7 days, my brother's 25th birthday is in 30 days, and 15 days until I go to Florida!!!! This month is going to be ridiculous, I could feel it already...but i'm so ready for it!= )This coming week alone will be ridiculous. On monday, I have my Pediatrics final and then I have to stop by the occupational therapy department's secretary office to at least TRY to finalize all my fieldwork level 2 information, tuesday I have to go by the local church to drop off my tv (i'm donating it to charity), wednesday is the occupational therapy Bar crawl PLUS Jenn wants to hang out and go to the Karaoke Bar one last time, thursday SHOULD be a laid back day, but who knows? Friday I have work in the morning, my mother is arriving in town in the afternoon, AND I have the SENIOR Bar crawl to attend in the evening...and then Saturday I have morning mass and then i'll finally be GRADUATING by 2 p.m.= ) Yes, crazy week, nevertheless, but as I said before, I am SO ready!= )

Thursday, Apr. 29, 2010

Currently: I think that the most heart-breaking thing about my life is the fact that only one person in this entire world genuinely cares about me. If I were to drop dead tommorrow, or hell, even today, the only person that would have mercy on my soul is my mother...and only because it is her duty to feel such a way about me. Everyonelse would forget about me the next day. And the worst part is, I just know for a fact that I am not exaggerating. Now aint that a bitch?

Sunday, Apr. 25, 2010

Currently: This weekend wasn't bad. Went out friday night and last night and had a pretty decent time, I could say. Anyways, back to the grind. I'm trying to be as productive as I could be today. This morning I took out the trash (which is something I rarely do, oops) and cleaned my dining room table (which I was putting off for the day I move out)and now I am at work trying to continue with the productivity...but it's getting harder and harder as the hours roll by. I have two competencies this week for Physical Disabilities, and i'm trying to get started on reviewing for them, but for some reason my brain would rather zone out and think of other things, like what new haristyle to get when I get home (cause i've decided on not cutting my hair anymore)and what things to buy at the mall before my trip to Florida. I kind of want to knock myself in the head and say "SNAP OUT OF IT!!" I guess I just have to push myself harder. Anyways, after i'm done here, i'm going back to my apartment and doing some laundry as well as continuing on studying. My physical disabilities professor emailed us today saying that whoever does well on this week's competencies will not have to take the final exam...so needless to say, I REALLY MUST push myself to do well on this. I'm on my final stretch, afterall, and what better way to boost my confidence before this big crazy summer??

Thursday, Apr. 22, 2010

Currently: I have been having really strange dreams lately. A couple of nights ago, I had a dream that I was on a bus, looking out the window, when all of a sudden I see this young caucasian guy run towards a Bus in front of mine (i'm assuming purposely, cause he appeared suicidal), and then gets run over by that Bus. The freaky part is, I witness the entire gorey ordeal, and can even see when his head snaps off of his body and rolls under the Bus. That dream truly freaked me out, but it didn't end there! Last night I then have a dream that I am on the phone with somebody and out of nowhere, pull out a pair of scissors and start trying to cut both of my ear lobes off! What-the-hell???? My Big sister decided to google my last dream to see what it meant, and according to her findings, it meant that I am expecting some bad and/or offending news in the near future. Seriously? I don't need anymore stress and unfortunate things in my life. I really hope for my sake that the meaning of my dreams are untrue. I'm not stressing too much about it, though. Anyways, I should really get to bed now, as a busy day awaits me tommorrow. I am working from 8 'til 12, then have Clinical Reasoning, where i'll be doing my case study presentation...YAY! Not. Well, at least i'll be getting paid tommorrow. G'night!

Tuesday, Apr. 20, 2010

Currently: Jenn definitely must have felt bad about Saturday night, cause she randomly called me last night to hang out.Haha And of course, I couldn't say no. I did finish my homework at that point, afterall...and why not? That was only my SECOND time ever going out on a Monday night, so I was up for trying something new.Haha The Bar we went to actually had quite a few people in it, which I wasn't expecting at all. But it was nice. Her friend Ashley(aka the girl in our sorority that I hate the most)tagged along...and surprisingly, we ended up chatting it up quite a bit last night. It was pretty...weird.Haha It all started when I felt comfortable enough to say one little thing to her. And before we knew it, we were joking about people and talking about practically anything. I even asked her about her true feelings about me...i'm sorry, I had to! And that rum and coke in my system pushed me towards it even more, haha. And I don't know if she bull-shitted because she felt uncomfortable, or if she was really genuine, but she then tells me that she never had anything against me and thinks that i'm a lot of fun to hang out with. She then apologized for ever making me feel uncomfortable...but you know that'll happen again anyways.Haha But hey, it was nice being buddies for at least one night...she even mentioned something about possibly hanging out over the summer...I REALLY chuckled at that.Haha. So needless to say, last night really made up for saturday, thank god. Anyways, I have a little bit of a dilemna tonight. See, my mother is currently in Haiti visiting her siblings, and the problem with that is that when she had told me that she was planning to do this months ago, I was STRONGLY against it, and pretty much gave her an ultimatum; them or me. So then she tells me that she'll "think about it," and let me know of her decision as soon as she figures it out. So months and months pass by, and she doesn't bring this up at all...and then all of a sudden, last week i'm speaking to her on the phone when she adds "oh yea, i'm leaving for Haiti on monday." WHAT THE FUCK???!!! It's pretty obvious that she went against her promise and DID NOT let me know of her plans as soon as she made them. I was so upset at her. I even temporarily un-invited her to my graduation. But then I felt bad and re-invited her. So she arrived over there yesterday, and before I could even have a real conversation with her, my father calls me to tell me that she has given my old laptop to her brother in law...WHAT THE FUCK...AGAIN???!!! See, over the summer, before embarking back to school, I asked her what she was planning on doing with my old laptop and she told me that she didn't know. Months go by again and she doesn't tell me a thing about her plans...and then I hear THIS! I am not upset about the fact that she let him have my old laptop, but at the fact that she pretty much decided to just give away something that once belonged to me without my permission. Once again, she went behind my back and did something against my will. You have no idea how upset that made me. So I was speaking to her today about how upset she has made me with this entire Haiti trip ordeal, and she doesn't really offer any kind of apology, but instead tried to make ME out to be the bad guy. She then has the nerve to ask me for my classmate Cara's number (Cara's a missionary to Haiti, what a fucking coincidence!) so that she could give it to her brother in law so he can have a contact person for some sort of charity that he's trying to start. But I just refused to do it, because I am still very upset at her and her relatives...mostly cause I feel she is choosing them over me at this point. So after I decline, she gets all weepy-voiced and starts begging me saying that he's trying to do something good with this, and blah blah blah...and I just wasn't having it because at this point I am tired of being nice and getting stepped on. The problem though is, now I kinda feel bad about rejecting her so aggressively. So here's my dilemna; be nice, and hand over my contacts, but continue to get stepped on, or be a bitch and continue to feel guilty about it. Only time shall tell on this one. Other than all that madness, life's been alright to me. It's almost graduation time and i'm really excited...but have a lot of work to finish before I could truly enjoy it.Haha After finals week, the girls in my class and the graduate class are having a Bar crawl and i'm planning on going to that. I also have a lot of finalizing and what not to do. And even after I graduate, I already have SO MUCH planned for the summer, including my Fieldwork II rotations. I guess that would be my welcome to the grown up world.

Sunday, Apr. 18, 2010

Currently: Last night was...interesting, to say the least. So I am sitting home, trying to figure out what to do for the night (as I usually spend my entire saturdays doing), and I decide to text Jenn to see what she's doing. She texts me back saying she's going to hang at the Pike house for the night with her Little. I, at first, try to sway her into changing her mind and going to the Karaoke Bar instead, but she practically insists, saying her little wanted to hang at the Pike house, blah blah blah...and I feel bad kind of keeping her from hanging out with her little, so I agree. She tells me to meet them at the Pike house...by myself. Now, Jenn doesn't usually have me just meet her at a place by myself, so that right there should have clued me in that she wasn't in the greatest of moods, but I decided to go over and meet her anyway. Needless to say, the walk over there was hell. This fraternity house is a good distance away from my apartment bulding, and the lighting in the area it is located at is very poor, so walking for that long, in a dark, isolated area, scared the shit out of me. I swear, I felt like that was the longest, scariest walk I ever had to take. So I get there finally, having survived the walk of hell, and you would think that after going through all of that crap to meet up with her, that Jenn would show at least a little bit of appreciation, but that was not the case. I try to strike a conversation with her, and she just gives me an attitude and is passive and just looks away from me and at her phone. At that point I was just like "erm, okay?" And to add some cherry to this fuck-you sundae, some of our other sorority sisters, the new girls, start showing up and give me this look like "what the fuck is SHE doing here?" Stuck up little cunts. So that, put together with Jenn being dumb for no reason, all makes me decide that it is my time to peace out. So I text my friend looking for a ride out of that hell hole, cause I sure as hell wasn't going to take ANOTHER hellish walk back home, and unfortunately, she is at her boyfrien's and doesn't have her car with her, so she couldn't pick me up, pretty much. I was so upset. After awhile, Jenn then comes back, I guess feeling bad for having given me an attitude previously, and offers to help me find some Beer to drink. She asks a few of the brothers if they have anything for me, and the lying bastards tell her that they don't, when I knew DAMN WELL that they had fucking Beer lying around in a little special compartment in their basement! And that, my friends, is why I do not like the Pikes. Finally, I get the guts to tell Jenn that I wanted the hell out of there, and if she'd be willing to give me a ride to a Bar nearby. I wanted to go to the Bar cause I figured, the night went shitty as it is, so why not at least end it with a little bit of happiness? So she then asks me if i'm sure I want to go to the Bar by myself (once again, GUILT!) and then apologizes for the party being so "lame." I blandly tell her "it's okay," and point out the Bar I wanted to be dropped off at. Once she pulls up at the Bar I tell her "ok, thanks for the ride," and she answers "no problem hun, if you need anything don't hesitate to call me." WOW! So I get into the Bar and have a cranberry and vodka drink and three swedish fish shots. I notice that two creepy looking middle aged men are kind of staring at me from across the Bar, but ignore them and go about my business. I am then hit on by some random Bar creeper (OF COURSE!) and he asks me if i'd like to go hang out at another nearby Bar/club with him and his friends...um, NO! He finally leaves me alone after awhile, though. At this point, I decided that I should just go take a piss and then walk home. So I get into the bathroom and as i'm waiting for a free stall, I bump into another one of my acquaintances/sorority sisters...my lucky night! Luckily, she was one of those sisters that I actually don't mind at all. Her name is Kelley. So she lets me hang out with her and her friends, and I actually have a pretty good time with them! One highlight would be my raunchy dancing session with her Marine corporal friend.Haha She was actually trying to hook me up with him, but honestly, I wasn't really that attracted to him, so I kindly declined. But another one of her friends, a very well-mannered Indian fellow by the name of Addy showed a little bit of interest in me, and took my number down. Kelley likes him for me as well, cause apparently he's LOADED. Hey, I wouldn't mind that. We finally decide to walk back home, and thankfully, since Kelley and I live in the same apartment building, I was able to walk with her the entire way. And that was my night. Last night did make me realize something though. As much as I put my life at risk last night (by walking all the way to an eerie fraternity house in the dark, by myself and then going to the Bar by myself), I was still able to find a way back home safely. 'Til now it astonishes me the way last night worked out. It kind of opened my eyes to faith and got me thinking "Eventhough I had given up on God a long time ago, it appears he surely hadn't given up on me." And you know what? I like that.