Sunday, Oct. 9, 2011

Currently: On tuesday I am going in for my second try at being admitted to my Boards exam. I am so nervous that I can already feel my stomach creeping up into my throat. I am nervous because 1) Last time I went I was turned away at the frickin front desk, and 2) Even after I am actually admitted this time...now I would REALLY have to worry about the test itself and it's contents. I have been reading different viewpoints online from individuals who have taken the Test, and the general consensus is that it is really difficult. I have been studying and reviewing every single day, but who knows what question may throw me off. And the worse part is, in between all this bullshit i've been going through merely to earn a piece of paper which says that I may practice occupational therapy in the State of New York, I have lost my excitement and passion for this field. At this point, I just want to pass the test, get everything over with, and start making money. I don't even care about being an OT and vouching for my profession anymore. It really sucks.

And I know that before I have stated that I don't mind leading a monotone day-to-day sort of existence, but now its starting to get to me a little. I feel my life has grown to be TOO monotone. My social life is non-existent, i'm unemployed, and I literally do the same shit every single day. Every day for me involves waking up at around 10:00 am, sometimes earlier, eating, going on Twitter, watching reality and crime shows on tv, napping ocassionally, listening to music, studying, watching Primetime and late night shows at night, going to bed...and then repeating the same old thing the next day. It's been a month since i've been to the city (aka the only place I can go to by myself besides the mall)because one round trip train ticket is very expensive and money's tight in my household. I miss it a lot, but there's nothing I can do about it. Until I have an actual job I cannot spend fruitfully, even on a train ticket. It's very depressing, but I always try not to get myself to that state. At least by tuesday i'll know what my next step will and should be.