Saturday, Jan. 2, 2010

Currently: So last night I did my share of fantasizing about a guy I knew named Jon. It all started when I was remniscing about the night my sorority threw a "housewarming party" at our new house. Our new house happens to be right across the street from the football field, so we're practically front row to any game going on. Well that night in particular, the soccer team was playing. Jon happened to be on the soccer team, and at the time I had this blossoming crush on him. It was pouring rain that night, and though I couldn't see him that well, I knew he was there and was just picturing him, soaking wet, running down the field with his jersey on. At that point I just wanted to run home and masturbate...but unfortunately couldn't, as I was at a sorority function and wasn't allowed to leave right away. Needless to say, I tried to get to him as soon as possible. He's good friends with a friend of mine, so one night in particular when I knew they were hanging out, I asked her to do me a little "favor," and drop a line or two about me. She did so...and right as I was walking up to say hi to him. Of course, once I got to him he was a little awkward and on guard. Regardless, I was able to talk to him a little without making a complete ass of myself. Once I went back to hang out with my other friends that night, my friend asked him what he thought of me. He actually thought I was pretty cool, but seemed a little quiet and reserved...he then made a comment about my humongous breasts.Haha. Men. So after that, I was thinking things were going alright with us, so for my birthday I asked my friend again to find a way for he and I to hang out. We managed to stalk him (creepers, I know, haha) to a Bar he frequented a lot. We stood around and waited for him. Finally, I spotted him and pointed him out to my friend. I waited anxiously as he got closer and closer to us. Once he got to us, he went right to my friend, gave her a hug, and completely ignored me. Surprised and caught off guard, I tapped him on the shoulder when he was looking away so that he would at least acknowledge my presence. Well, he then turns around and goes right back to my friend and says "what's up?" She then points out that it was I that tapped him on the shoulder, and he simply turns to me, says "hello," and gives me a hug, all the while making no eye contact whatsoever. Needless to say, I never spoke to him again after that night. I was just so upset. I saw him at another Bar on a different night since and he did the same; simply looked at me, acted as if he didn't really see me, and walked away. He graduated last month. I'm not going to lie, this situation was definately Karma biting me in the ass. See, I actually knew this kid since my Freshman year in college, and at the time I was a stuck-up little sell out and had a stick up my ass and thus would refuse to be with any Black guys. He actually showed some interest in me then. We had a class together, and he would always try to talk to me and tell me jokes. He even called me once. But in those days, I had my eye on a pathetic emo white guy, and although we ended up almost dating, at the end of the day, he just refused to consider me as a girlfriend, eventhough we saw each other every night and would do things like go out to the clubs and shows together and buy each other presents for our birthdays/christmas. I was wasting my time on someone who was embarassed to say he was my boyfriend, when I could've been with a sexy, fine brother like Jon. Now, at the last minute, when i've finally come to my senses, it's too late. I had my chance and once again, fucked it up. I couldn't stop thinking about Jon last night and what could have been. Lesson learned.