Dani's Rants: A Rant on...that same damn guy

...So it looks like the unnamed man in my previous Rant is getting an additional rant...meaning our 'relationship' surpassed that one time I texted him. Actually, after my initial conversation with him, I didn't hear from him for awhile...for about a week I would say. So I just assumed that maybe he was not that interested in me or the conversation we had, so I carried on with my monotone life and looking forward to little activities i've been giving myself not to go insane (like reading books, going to Broadway shows, vacationing, etc.) And then out of nowhere I get a text from him one evening simply saying "hey." I text back my "guy," I will call him 'Nell from here on in, and we have another simple, laid back conversation. After a couple more laid back conversations, I get a text from him one evening after work stating that he's bored and would like to hang out. I am actually quite happy when I read this, cause hey i'm getting offered to go on a semi-date with a cute guy, yes!Haha Of course I also had the thought in the back of my mind that he was looking to have sex with me that evening, but apart of me also tells me to shake that feeling off and just go hang out with him. I end up cancelling that night because he asks me to show up at his house at too late a time for me (now that should have been a warning), but I end up going to his house a couple days after. As apprehensive and nervous I was about it, I ended up having a decent time. As previously mentioned, 'Nell is an up and coming battle rapper, something he's been doing since High School, so when I first went to his house the very first thing I was compelled to ask him about was his music. He let me listen to a couple of his songs and watch a couple of his battles on You Tube. It was actually a nice, laid back time, and we didn't get physical at all...the most he did was hug me when I first arrived and when I left. Before I leave he even says "we should do this again sometime," which gives me hope that I will definitely see and hang out with him again. The couple weeks that follow are just a mix of sweet text messages and pet peeves (like him taking FOREVER to reply to some of my texts and the fact that he never seems to find a time to squeeze in another hang out session with me). After awhile though, I start to notice a pattern with him; he would text me everyday of the week, but then on fridays and saturdays, when he knows i'm free to hang out, I wouldn't hear from him at all...but then Sunday evening he texts me almost always asking whether I can come hang out with him at his place at 10 o'clock...when I have work the next frickin day! I started to analyze this pattern and all pointed to him basically just trying to fuck me and using Sunday nights as his time to accomplish that goal. The thought of all of this infuriated me, and expectedly when he texted me last Sunday evening I didn't reply. He texted me again the following evening and I coldly replied. He then texts me again (he just wouldn't quit!) on the fourth of July (yesterday) and at this point my mind is telling me to give him another chance...so I cave in. He gives me a time to come over and hang out and I agree to it. Before I leave I have half a bottle of wine (to calm my nerves) and generously spray myself with a fragrance I picked up at Victoria's Secret. When I get to his house I call him to tell him i'm outside...it takes him nearly 5 minutes to come to the door (damn, does this guy do ANYTHING on time???). He finally comes to the door (with the cutest little cocker spaniel named Prince by his side) and lets me in with a smile...but no hug this time. We get into his room again and talk about what each of us have been up to lately. After awhile I decide to get comfortable and kick off my flip flops and scoot to the middle of his bed. At the same time my mind is telling me to continue to play hard to get but not be too boring. So long story short, he ends up sitting next to me on the bed ( something he didn't do last time) as we're watching a movie with Denzel Washington (forgot the name of it). After awhile he lays down sort of half way on the bed and something just tells me to initiate a cuddle. So after awhile I look over at him and say "you look like a lost little boy right now...do you want to cuddle?" As soon as I ask him this he gets this mischievous smile on his face and says "what...you want to cuddle with me?...come, come cuddle with me." As he's saying this for some reason I automatically throw myself (shit) next to him. As this is all quickly happening my mind literally feels like Angel vs. Devil. Half of it is telling me "yes! you're keeping it interesting...and showing interest in him at the same time!" while the other half is saying "no! no! no! you're making it too obvious that you want to have sex with him!" Truth of the matter is, I never intended to have sex with this guy...not right away, at least. With him basically, I was trying to work on making him a respectable friend with benefits...in other words a person I can have casual sex with without worrying about him running around calling me a Hoe or fucking me only once and disappearing (been there, done than). And part of that plan was to kind of hang out and drag out any physical contact or sex and eventually gain his respect while maintaining any physical attraction that we have towards each other. Anyway, all of this was playing in my head as I was laying across him, my arm draped over his abdomen and around his waist. My head was right on top of his chest and I could hear his heart beating quite rapidly...he wanted some. Period. As i'm realizing this he puts a hand on my ass. I promptly move it to my waist and tell him "no, you are not allowed." He chuckles at this. Afterwards we just lie there...together...very quiet...and very tense. Again I could hear and feel his heart beating rapidly against his chest; surely he is more excited than he's making it seem, and at the same time my own body begins to tense up and my heart rate increases. It has been years since I have felt the embrace of a man and it felt...so good. In that silent moment of him just holding me and occasionally stroking my hair, as we both breathe short, intense breaths, my body felt a way it hasn't felt in a very long time...and I literally had to gather every bit of strength inside of me to not fuck him right then and there. After awhile a friend of his he was planning to meet later on calls and he talks to him while occasionally stroking my hair and sounding...so sexy. He finally hangs up and almost right away (as if on cue) tries to put his hand on my breasts...I once again re-direct his hand to which he retorts "c'mon, why you gotta be like that?" I once again reiterate "i'm not ready to let you touch me like that." He attempts a couple more times...and I re-direct a couple more times. After awhile he stops for good...and the hair stroking stops as well. I then get up and say "I guess I should be leaving so you can meet up with your friends."...he looks at me and shakes his head in agreement. This whole time he maintains a calm, good-natured disposition, but on the inside I just know that he's reeling. Before walking me out of his room he unlocks the door (that motherfucker REALLY thought he was getting some!). After wards he leads me to the front door, says "have a safe trip home!" and sends me on my merry way...no hug, and no "we should do this again sometime." A big chunk of my mind is telling me from all that alone that this is it; I am never hearing from this guy again. I do not regret what I did, but am very disappointed that even finding a friend with benefits is proving to be a difficult task for myself. Oh well, I say to that. Life goes on. Good night. *gets up to do random tasks and then go to bed*